Paddling along the estuary of the Bluestone River, Max McAlpine took in a deep lungful of salt-tinged air blown by the breeze off the breakers pounding the bar where the river met the sea.
This was life as life was meant to be, he mused, watching two native grey ducks take off from the semi-concealment of a nearby tributary, alarmed by his almost noiseless appearance into their domain.
"Hi there!" Max hear someone call. He spotted a woman perched on a huge rock alongside the river bank; her arms around her drawn back legs, providing a prop for her chin, golden curls framing her face.
Max had already identified the accent as American, so presumably she was a tourist.
"I have one of those at home, at least mom has. I use it more than she does and love it."
Max thought he ought to make the offer.
"Here, Miss America. I'll come in and and you can take if for a paddle."
"But I wouldn't know where to go?"
"There's only three ways β across the river, down and across the bar though I wouldn't advise that on this state of the tide, or upriver."
"I'd be nervous going upriver in unfamiliar territory. I'm told you have wild pigs and wild cattle that swim rivers."
"Well, just go across the estuary and back a few times β get the feeling of being virtually locked in a bubble of natural environment."
"Will you take me?"
"This is not a two-person craft."
"But it will carry two persons, won't it?"
"Well yes, but only via very close body contact."
"You appear to be a gentleman and I'm not easily embarrassed."
"It would mean you pressed against my lap and me having to paddle with my arms around you. I'm sorry but it's not on to do this with a stranger."
"So are you one of these inhospitable New Zealanders our tour guide warned us about?"
"Not at all," Max said hotly. "I'm a warm, friendly guy and..."
He stopped mid-sentence, aware she was laughing at him taking the bait.
"Come on, Mister; show me some real New Zealand. I've already found there are no tracks alongside the river beyond this point so watercraft are the only means of exploring this forest."
"We call it bush."
"There you go; see why I need a competent guide with his own boat?"
"Kayak."
"My, you are precise. I'll be very comfortable being in your care."
"Body to body?"
"Yes, unless you are going to tow me on a piece of string."
"I'm coming in although I'm really not comfortable about this."
"Oh, I'm soft and cuddly β I think you'll find me very comfortable resting against you."
Max wondered what his wife Elaine would have to say about this, apart from 'You stupid old goat.' She was on a bus tour of the North Island with 43 other women of her horticultural club visiting what they call 'gardens of distinction.'
He grounded the kayak and climbed out to meet Miss America.
"Hi, I'm Debra Jackson from Maryland, USA. I feel this is going to be a rewarding encounter for me. I'm under no restraint as our tour party is staying overnight in cabins in the camping ground at the far end of the beach."
"Hi, Debra. I'm Max Alpine and I manage that camping ground so isn't that one of those common coincidences? Welcome to our part of the world."
"Common coincidences? Coincidences by definition are uncommon."
"You're too educated for me, Miss America, or was it the pecularity of New Zealand understated humour that caught you?"
"Oh."
"Here, you wear my life vest."
"No, I'm fine without it. In fact can I put my shirt, jeans and footwear in one of your waterproof hatches, I've got my bikini on underneath."
The sensible thing would have been to say no, keep your warmer clothes on, we get into tree shading as we go up river and then even go under complete canopy; but Max was never sensible when it comes to sex. So he opened the hatch and watched out for ducks and thought about bared breasts while Debra undressed behind him.
Sex?
Yes, Max was quite sure that he'd be having sex before the afternoon was over. It might seem that everything was against it. He was fifty-three and she was probably only nudging forty and was wearing a wedding ring.
She was forward - a common state of self-assertiveness amongst some American woman in his experience that in no way seemed linked to a relaxed disposition towards casual sex with anything attached to a (human) penis. But she was sex-ready β Max couldn't put his finger on it, but he sensed that was so and it was not simply wishful thinking.
Why would a good-looking American broad be interested in humping an elderly white-hair Kiwi guy in a kayak?
Because, mused Max, she had been watching me and become aware that I was a clean-cut older guy with a muscular upper body, a very erect back, expensive sunglasses, a sharp haircut and a shark-like smile β a guy who looks as if he is engineered to shaft an American woman who yearns for excitement in a wonderful natural environment.
Oh yeah?
I bet this guy fancies he's going to get lucky with me, thought Debra, unbuttoning her shirt. I'm taking a bit of a risk but nothing I can't handle. Anyway, by now he'll remember he hasn't got his condoms and Viagra with him. Oh, what a shame. But I must say he's in excellent shape β compare him to my dad, they're about the same age β ouch! Nah, he's a little younger.
Bet he's married with the little woman working her butt off at the camp while he's swanning around on the river like Tarzan's grandfather.
Wonder what he thinks of my breasts β they're the first thing a male looks at isn't it? Well, if he hasn't taken a real look he'll soon be resting his paddle over them β wonder what he'll think about that? And why the fuck did I give him the blarney about being nervous about going upriver? I love exploring new territory.