If this is weird, that's because I was my own editor on this one. Forgive me. Part 9 after the new year!
Rakeem
"What did Janessa say?" she asks after a moment.
I pull my attention away from the crashing waves to Veronica bundled tight in my arms between my legs with a comforter wrapped around us both.
Surprisingly, a tremendous amount of last night involved catching up versus the sins of the flesh, but unsurprisingly, not about the elephant in the room. Speaking of surprises, it's surprising she even brought it up.
I bury my nose in her hair, smile, and breathe. It's 5 am. We should be sleeping, but we're sitting on the beach watching the sunrise.
I am easily distracted by literally everything about her.
Right now, for example, the way my face fits in the slope of her neck to her shoulder is occupying a lot of my focus. I test it out, running my lips along the curve. She gives me her neck with a tilt of her head; a soft sigh slips from between her perfect lips like smoke. Her softness. The peach fuzz. The way she fits my arms.
This can't end ever again.
"Key?" I hear the note of worry in her voice and I remember she asked me a question, and I'm just over here at church, worshipping.
"When she got in my face?" I clear my throat and clarify.
She laces her fingers with mine and my heart does jumping jacks.
Janessa said all kinds of shit, that's what Janessa said. But instead of saying that I say, "Why don't you tell me what
you
have to say?"
She works her throat and I can see how badly she doesn't want to talk about this. I falter, feeling guilty but I remember she brought it up.
I squeeze. My arms have been empty without her.
She draws her knees to her chin. I rest my chin on her shoulder and resist the urge to plant more kisses on those soft baby curls on the back of her neck. I've missed her so much.
The beach blanket she got for her birthday is still inside and instead we're on the full sized flat sheet she packed and a blanket from inside the house. She didn't want to get it dirty.
She has absolutely none of the new stuff with her, she didn't want to get any of it dirty. I told Rob this would happen, that all this shit is going to go carefully into her closet or a museum, but he wouldn't have any of it.
"I don't know where to start. Um, did you talk to Asa?" she clears her throat.
Asa...?
Oh, right. "Nah, I haven't had a proper conversation with that cat since the Christmas party, I think."
"When I introduced you?" She leans her head on my bicep.
I smile faintly. "You were explaining Asa's affinity for raising livestock and boasting about his musical endeavors."
She sighs, rubs her eyes and nods. "We fought about that later."
"Why?" I ask, surprised at the admission.
"He accused me of just wanting to show him off," she shakes her head. "I guess I was."
"What do you mean?"
She closes her eyes and shakes her head again. I lace my fingers with hers via the back of her hand and turn her palm face up. I trace the lines unique to her with my other hand until she shivers and brings my knuckles to her lips, kissing each one.
God, help me. I would sell my soul for her.
She sighs, worrying her lip.
"Showing Asa off," I prompt her.
She hesitates but pushes forward. "Okay, so, I have to back up. When I got with him I thought Asa was going to be different from other dudes—"
Hmm. I raise my chin.
"No, no, he was! He definitely was, but not in the way I expected. When we would argue or whatever it was never about the shit that I expected, you know?"
No, I have no idea but I don't interrupt.
"He and I..." here she takes a breath so big she could fill a hot air balloon. "He was...upset with me, but
not
because I wouldn't have sex with him—he never once got any type of way about that, he was totally chill about that."
The man's either a saint, amazing at masking, or 150% closeted until Jonny found him because I'ma say right now—
"He questioned my intentions in the relationship, like, said I loved the idea of him more than him himself? Does that make sense? Like, he wanted something deeper with me. I would call him perfect but he said I avoided any kind of talk with him about...see I don't know, because I told him about all my family stuff and about my day and shit, but like...my feelings? Does that make sense? Like, heart shit?"
I can tell by the sound of her last sentence she's making a face. I try not to laugh, the feeling of relief I feel when I hold her is palpable, and if I laugh I risk her shrieking like a banshee out of embarrassment and flying out of my arms.
"It does," I whisper and kiss her hair. I can't help myself.
I have so many questions, I have a whole interrogation's worth of questions but I hold back. She's finally talking. In a somewhat cryptic circular rambly stream of consciousness way, but it's happening.
"But Asa is Asa and he wanted to know why I wouldn't connect with him. He tried, Key," she looks down, and swallows hard playing with the rings on her fingers. "Like he tried so hard and I didn't know what to do with it. He was romantic and sweet and kind and I just..."
She has a tension about her and she takes so long that I almost ask a question but then she continues.
"It's just—All the others were just in such a rush it was hard to...I don't know. Have sex, I mean. With guys?"
"Are you asking me or telling me?" I raise my eyebrows. The morning is already warming up and so am I. I shed the blanket and lean back on my hands. "I wasn't there so I don't know."
"Yeah, no, I'm—shut up, Key!" She slaps my inner thigh and I grin. I want to bite her.
Focus, Rakeem.
"Girls are just easier. They're easier to trust, they befriend you first, you don't have to rush into it," she spills.
