Watch Yourself

You know that feeling when someone kisses you and the world stops?

I'm talking about a fairytale, rom com level kiss. Where you only get to see the good hot parts and then the movie ends and you don't actually know whether everything ended up in a dumpster fire of resentment and bad decision. Or not.

Last night, I got a kiss like that, on the street after we parked our cars before going into my apartment.

I wish my fingers could properly expel the words to express the sensations my whole being felt during that kiss, and after when the kiss turned into so much more...

I'll try anyway.

***

The street lamp's glow filters through the palm tree fronds, bathing our faces in lines and angles as he assuredly steps up to me and pulls me to him. Grabbing the back of my head, he clenches a fistfull of my hair at the base of my skull and pulls my head back, hard enough that I let out a gasp, then almost a whimper as his mouth meets mine with the same level of intensity as the fingers kneading themselves into my skull.

That is when the world stops.

As his hands control my head and neck, my mind becomes so calm it would make any zen buddhist proud. His tongue flicks against my lips and then his teeth join in. I wrap my arms around his waist, and snake my hands under his shirt and sweater and down just below his belt line so I can grasp his hips and pull him closer. Hips close, he is leaning over me, still devouring my mouth; my body arching to meet the angle.

With one more passionate press of our lips and bodies he releases me.

"Hey," he says through his upturned mouth.

"Well, hi there," I say with a woozy smile, straightening up, head angled still to look into his grinning eyes.

"Where are we? What's happening?" I joke as we start to walk up the hill to my apartment, hand in hand, swaying slightly with a drunkenness that comes only from a passionate kiss.

Through the gate and up the stairs, we cross the desert jungle of plants to enter my house. My roommate is sleeping, I explain, as we quietly enter and I give him a very quick tour in a whisper.

Once in my room we both start taking off our shoes as I awkwardly make excuses for my clean laundry piled up on the chair in the corner, and the boxes from my recent and upcoming move piled in front of my desk. I realize I'm nervously talking. But then his hands are on my body again and I forget all about the clothes and the boxes. He grasps the back of my skull, this time with both hands, engulfing my head with his hands to bring my face to his. I stand on my tippy toes because the wedge boots I had on have come off, and the pressure of his mouth and the feeling of his body pressing against mine is turning down the dial on the activity in my brain.

My legs hit the side of the bed and with a push I'm on my back. I lean back and stretch, thinking to myself how my breasts look better, perkier, when I'm extended. Before my self-conscious brain can take these thoughts any further he's back in my vision, kneeling on the bed to the side of me, this time with his hands on the buttons of my jeans.

"May I?" he asks.

"You may" I say, stomach fluttering with the way he asked for consent with such ease even though I know he knows I want him to ravish me. I'm sure he can see the desire in my eyes, smell it through my pores.

My black jeans and black lace thong are stripped off of me in an instant. My brain starts developing a stupid joke about how he wasn't wasting any time by taking them both off at once but thankfully his mouth saves me from myself. I am once again devoured by him, this time with expert level flickers of his tongue on my clit that make my eyes roll in the back of my head, and my back arch. My legs are up in the air, his hands pushing back on my hamstrings, exposing every bit of me as he feasts while I let out another groan/whimper combination.

I'm in my head tonight. It's hard for me to fully let go quickly even though the sensations feel amazing. I need more to get me out of my head and fully into my body. Thankfully he has no plans to stop there.

When he comes up for air, I sit up on my knees and lean forward to quickly take his face in my hands, catching some of his dreads in the process. I kiss his wet mouth, tasting me on him. Groans escape both our lips.

"I forgot to ask you to bring a condom," I say as we pull away. "Because the ones I have might not fit you."

"I think I have one."

"The ones I got were for a different purpose," I continue unnecessarily.

"A different purpose?" He asks as he rises gracefully and starts scanning the floor covered in the aftermath of the tornado of our discarded clothing to find his bag.

"Yah I was playing with my girlfriends the other night and we wanted to use toys so we ordered some condoms for that."

Why am I over explaining that I don't have condoms? My brain is the worst sometimes. Thankfully it doesn't seem to phase him. He triumphantly holds up a condom with both hands.

"Yay!" I am so relieved, the desire for him to fill me up is so intense it feels like I took an adderall, off label.

Back on the bed, he positions my body so I am at an angle, the mirrored closet in view. "I want you to watch yourself get fucked."

FUCK. I might have let out a whimper.

His condom wrapped cock pushes deep inside me and through hooded eyelids and mouth open I stare up at him. His dark dreads rain down around me, as if I'm under a weeping willow. One falls across my lips and I open my mouth to let it land on my tongue. As my mouth explores this extension of him, he shoves deeper inside me. I grasp it in my teeth, groaning and then release it as my head falls back.

As my head dips back, I see us in the mirror. His arms to my sides, body positioned over me, one of my legs up against his shoulder as he takes me deeper and over and over. I can see his glute muscles working and notice him staring intensely down at me. My body is shaking, his touch both lights me up and calms my nervous system. I am on fire, melting as his hands caress my body and he continues relentlessly filling me up.

"Who's dick is this?"

My eyes had closed but they shoot open; my pussy clenches.

"Hmm? Who's dick is this?" he asks again, sultry and teasing.

"Mine." I let out, breathless.

Because tonight, it is mine.

"That's right."

He pulls out and flips me over with ease onto my stomach. I'm now facing directly toward the mirrored closet, with full view of the show we're putting on, just for us tonight. He grabs my hips, pulling me back and immediately slides into me again. The sensation makes my head drop; it is too much to hold my neck up and feel everything all at once. He pushes into me again and as he thrusts he wraps his hands once again around my head, this time lifting my head up, fingers wrapping into my mouth and pulling back my heavy eyelids. His hands force me to watch as he brings me up and over the edge. Guttural sounds escape me, as I watch him take me.

"Mmm you look so good taking this dick," He groans in my ear. "Keep looking, you don't get to close your eyes."

His eyes don't leave my face and I'm watching him watch me as his fingers dig into my face. My face is distorted like playdoh, with each shove of his cock making his fingers dig deeper to keep my head back, making me watch. His fingers explore into my mouth and I suck hard, eyes wanting to close but they can't. They won't.

Still locked into my gaze, he moves one hand to release my face and wraps it around my neck, just below the chin. Not enough to cut off my air but slightly restrict it, to claim more of me. He presses up, restricting my air and pulls my hair back with the other hand. Then he bites my neck and growls, "cum for me, now."

With that, I'm undone. Every muscle quivers, my eyes roll back in my head and I lose sight of him. Of the room. The world. For a few moments, I'm everywhere and nowhere, in my body and outside it.

My brain has shut off. No more over thinking, at least for now. Later, I will worry that this flame is going to extinguish as fast as it came on. Later I will analyze our sporadic communication. I will decide whether to put up a wall and try to play cool. And I will wonder what it would be like to just tell him how I feel. But that's later. Tonight, right now, I don't think about any of that. I just feel.