Wedding Gifts 01

Wedding Gifts 01

I mean, there has to be a better way, right? I mean, there is a wedding and then the reception and then the traditional dances and toasts and dinner and then the drinking and the party starts. None of which I'm saying should change, but just in the middle of the fun comes the tradition of someone getting selected to haul all of the wedding gifts out of the hall and to the safety of some relative's house, right?

I mean, what's wrong with just shipping the gifts a few days later? I mean, no one opens the gifts in the rental hall anyways, so all it means is that there is a stack of gifts on a table and for some reason, they are all wrapped in either white or silver wrapping paper, just waiting for someone to be picked as the sucker who has to haul them the hell out of the place, right?

By the way, I hereby use this story as my time stamped idea to open a "wedding gift warehouse" and sell stock photos of tables stacked high with gifts for the wedding albums, so get modern and hire me.

"Well, you're the one who has the biggest truck with a camper top on it, Benny, so."

"Ugh, I mean, Mrs. Conner, I mean, I watch "Hidden Wedding Cameras" on TV, so can someone at least count the boxes so I don't get accused of snagging one?"

"OMG, I mean, last week's show, right? I mean, just how involved was that mother-in-law, right?"

"Oh, OMG, I mean, I thought she was going to adjust the groom's bow tie and boom, she appeared to be adjusting his zipper! Anyways, I mean, I'll do, but I'm going to pout about it!"

"Relax kiddo, I have a couple of the men lined up to help load up the gifts and trust me, I don't think anyone will accuse you of snatching a gift. I mean, I'm sure that your bachelor's pad has more than enough gravy boats as it is, so back up the truck, Benny! Besides, I'm just on the other side of town and if you back up to my garage, we'll (you'll) have all of the gifts unloaded like "sis, boom, bang" and we'll be on our way back here just that fast. Well, not to quick with the "sis, boom, bang" because I'm also in this to miss the grope fest that is formally called the Hokey Pokey dance. Oh, and by the way, Benny, a man invented the Hokey Pokey, so."

Well, sure, there's always a convenient paved driveway that ends right at the double doors, right? Which is fine, but is there always a guy, a guy like Mr. Conner, who slips a little paper in your pocket while you're loading the gifts into the rear of a truck and then whispers that I should drive slowly? I mean, to protect the gifts, right? Not! I mean, the word is that he has a side piece or that's what I heard anyways, so.

"Damn, it's been a while since I rode shotgun in a pickup truck, Benny! I mean, this is pretty fancy compared to what I remember about trucks."

"LOL, are you saying that it's not my father's truck then, LOL? Wait, um, that didn't come out right, so."

"Oh, it came out more right than you might think, Benny. I mean, we were all single before we were all married, but we don't need to talk about that anymore, so, hang a left on Elm Street then."

No, seriously folks, it was a joke that just came out wrong. I mean, my parents have been married since first grade, right?

"So, um, I'm not complaining, Mrs. Conner, so."

"What Benny? Hasn't a girl ever unsnapped her nylons from her garter belt and removed her nylons in your truck before? I mean, is it my fault that your fancy truck is so roomy and all?"

"Well, all I said was that I wasn't complaining, that's all, Mrs. Conner."

"Good, Benny, I'm glad that you don't mind, but I do mind that the roadway is that way, so? And you know what, Benny, um, let's go with addressing me as Connie from now. I mean, here I am, pulling off my nylons with my evening gown bunched up around my waist while riding shotgun in your roomy truck, so????

"Ah, yeah, yeah, I mean, alright, Connie, so listen, you have some very shapely roadmaps there, I mean, my center console lifts up and all, so?"

"Men! Everything has to be right now with men! Besides, we're almost at my place, which by the way, well, I mean, listen, the hubby and I, um, we're just married, that's all, Benny."

Well, it didn't seem worth correcting her that men like right now and then in 20 minutes and then a mere 45 minutes later, but it was nice to hear that Mr. Conner didn't get it all, so. And I should have mentioned this a moment ago, but there's a possibility that Mr. Conners side piece doesn't have boobs. Or amazing legs. Which I had right next to me. Coming out from a bunch up evening gown.

"Alright kiddo, I'll open the garage door and you can back your truck in as far as you can and we'll either dump them in the garage or I mean, we should carry them into my Den room, so???"

Oh, I mean, her garage looked clean enough, but she clearly intended the gifts to be safely stored in her Den room, which wasn't too far off the garage, but here's how the gift unloading process went from out of the back of my truck. Mrs. Conner, ugh, Connie was wearing a very nice evening gown, so I unloaded and carried every single gift! Also, I mean, I think her evening gown was like silver or something, like low cut and silver. Like almost shiny.

"You know, Benny, the odds are that over half of these gifts will never be used, even though they are from a registry list. Also, since I removed my stockings for you and in front of you, well, I'm over half commando under my evening gown now, in case you want to use that information, so?"

I mean, I did the math and the math said that one zipper in back, carry two full boobs equals a very alluring and just barely dressed woman, so.

"Oh, so, you're a tit man then, huh? Fine, just don't forget the rest of me, Benny. By the way, for some reason, I've never been bent over a couch and taken that way and oh look, my Den room has a couch in it, so????"

Oh, I was done doing the math, so. And who knew that evening gowns just slide down as soon as you push the zipper in the back down and rolled it off of her shoulders? I mean, I didn't know that, but I'm glad someone designed that feature in for sure.

"Huh, I mean, now that you got my boobs all wet with your mouth Benny, it only seems fair that I get your hard dick all wet with my mouth, so push me down so I sit down on the back of the couch or push me down all the way to my knees, Benny. Either way, I'm sucking your first nut out of you. I mean, with your little swimmers and all, it makes sense that I should do that, so??????"

I mean, her legs and knees looked like they were in great shape to me and I had just watched a recent episode of the resort TV show where this scene played out and I mean, the TV cameras left no doubt what was happening, but from his backside angle. I mean, I'd understand the TV show better if I knew exactly what was happening from the front view, right?

"[Gulp] Well, you little SOB! And you taste good too? I mean, wow, on how thick that felt sliding down my throat, but very tasty, Benny."

"I mean, I don't know anything about the taste and stuff, Connie because I never, but wow, that was amazing and I hope we do that again! Oh, and with the way that you worked your hands around my butt cheeks, well, that just proved to me that TV people do their research!"

"Hmmm, you never, huh? Well, there's a first time for everything, Benny."

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, aga, aga, ug, ooh, mwah, ummah, ag, ag, ooh, hm, hm, hmmm.]

[Boink]

"And there's what we needed down below and oh look, a there's a couch right here, so???"

[Pound, pound, thrust, thrust, slam, slam, push, push, pound, thrust, thrust, pump, pump, thrust]

"Oh, and just how old are you these days, Benny? Ooh, ooh, woo, woo, oh, oh, ha, ha, home, home."

"I'm just 23, Connie, 23, ug, ug, ug, flu, flu, ooh, ag, ag, ug, ug, oh, oh, oh, ooh, hg, hg, hg."

"Well, ooh, ooh, ooh, I mean, ag, ag, ag, 23 is such a wonderful and forceful age then, woo, woo."

Well, hands down, that was the best sex of my life!

"Whew, way to slide into home plate, Benny, so, so, ooh, I need a break, ooh, oh, whew."

"But I mean???"

"Oh, we're doing this again, for sure! Oh snap! Wow, I mean, it has been so long since a man's mess has trickled down my thighs, which I would love to savor, but I mean????"

"I mean, go and do what you need to do in the bathroom, Mrs. Conner, ah, Connie."

"[Mwah] Listen, Benny, we'll work out some sort of schedule for sure, but you need to make sure it runs as a tie. I mean, somedays, maybe all I can is blow you in a parking lot or something, but I'll put it on you to swing that back around for a tie, alright?"

"Hey, just call me Benny Matrix, Connie."

I mean, I was just chalking up the "firsts" and savoring them myself, so. I mean, I wasn't savoring the most stupid nick name in the world, but everything else was rising to top, like fine cream.

"Benny, bring my evening gown to my bedroom so I can fluff it out before I slip it back on. And if you have any "Boink" left, bring that too!"

I mean, "Boink" and "kind of Boink" are the same thing, right? Wait, wait, it's Boing, right? LOL, like my dick cared.

"Ooh and don't worry sugar, I know you need a little more time to recover, but our time is running short and I'll take what you got. I mean, at least you can say that you had your woman on her knees and then over the couch and then on her back all in one single night, right Benny?"

I mean, I would have just posted that I had good sex, but her description was actually way better than my way, so.

[Squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, oops, ah squirt? Drizzle?]

"[Mwah] That's fine, Benny, I was with you all the way, so we had better get a move on back to the reception, so."

"Alright, I mean, I agree, but listen, Connie, I mean, I'm not a freak or anything, but, um, I mean, just where are the nylon stockings that you removed while wiggling around in my truck seat?"

"[Mwah] In your center console, I mean, I'd rather you wreck them than use a wash cloth. And maybe someday will show me how you use them. I mean, not only hadn't I ever been taken over a couch before, which was amazing [mwah], by the way, but no man has ever whacked off and blasted my buns either, which I understand, might be a thing, so???"

"I mean, I'm in, I'm in, I'm all in, Connie."

Oh, read just above where I, LOL, Benny Matrix, had been keeping track of all of the "firsts" and all, right?

And by the way, wait, I mean, but, by the way, no fair how women can make it so they don't wrinkle their evening gowns while riding in a truck!

But I call fair play by calling in my first tie breaker as soon as we pulled back into the rental hall parking lot. I mean, you heard Connie just suggest that quickie blow jobs in parking lots are fair game, so.

End Wedding Gifts 01