While I was away studying two summers ago, I had a fling with someone.
I need to write this account of what happened. Heaven knows it's completely occupied my mind ever since. I guess it wouldn't be overstating things to say that it's consumed my life, leaving me just dazed and confused. As time has gone on, my confusion has become worse rather than better. I'm hoping by writing everything out I might be able to not only understand what happened, but why it happened, and why I did what I did. There was temptation and I succumbed.
Letting someone else have me was horribly wrong. I know that only too well. It was a terrible thing to do, considering I was married -- and I love my husband very much. How could I have betrayed him so badly? I have to take full responsibility for that. I've always thought of myself as a person who is in control of her life. There are reasons why I found myself in bed with a person not my husband, but there can be no excuses. I had choices, and I succumbed in a moment of weakness. I have realized since that my downfall started many months earlier.
I'm five-five and have long red hair. Men really seem to love that. My red mane and creamy skin have always gotten me noticed. I guess I'm pretty because men always tell me that. So here I was taking my clothes off in front of someone I didn't know all that well, which surprised me. I probably wouldn't have done it eighteen months ago because at that point I was carrying about twenty-five extra pounds. My husband said he didn't mind, but then he would say that, wouldn't he?
So one day, looking at myself in our full-length mirror, I decided it was time to get serious about being in shape. It started with running, but eventually led to weightlifting (those dumbbell thingies) and other exercising, especially for my butt which seemed pretty flabby and in danger of becoming rather wide.
From all that work, I finally had a body I could be proud of. There was pretty well no "extra padding" on me anymore, and I was particularly proud of my hard tummy and the muscles on my arms and legs -- and butt. The only unfortunate thing was that my breasts had gotten smaller. Still, they had long and very sensitive nipples. My husband loved those.
Regardless, as my weight went down and my muscle tone improved, men started really noticing, and not just at school where every male is horny. I could get chatted up wherever I went. One time after a concert this really good-looking older man (probably the father of a student) stopped me on the way out of the hall and told me how much he enjoyed watching me play.
We chatted a bit more and then he said it.
"All I could look at was your cello between your legs and wish that it was me. I know I'm way out of line, saying that, but, well, there it is. Want to join me for a drink?"
Of course, I scurried away thinking, What a pervert! But after a few days, my imagination took over and I wondered what it might have been like going with him that night. I was surprised how horny it got me. I've never masturbated a lot, but I did for a few weeks before the fantasy started to fade. It was sort of fun and naughty and gave me a charge even though I knew I would NEVER do something like that. Or so I thought...
A bit more background: My downfall took place while I was taking part in a summer program for advanced students where they brought in guest conductors, then we rehearsed for a week with them, and played a concert. The level was very high, the guest artists fantastic and inspiring -- and the whole thing was free! All you had to do was get accepted into the program. I learned so much from taking part.
But it meant being away from my new husband (something we were both really not happy about) for two months. I was over the moon for the opportunity since the orchestra was professional-level and it was huge step forward for my career. Since my husband is also a musician, he did understand.
The days were hectic, filled with rehearsals and practicing. I was one of only four married people there, but the students' ages ranged from one kid as young as sixteen to a couple of women who were two years older than I was (twenty-two at the time). We were all on two floors in the dorm which weren't divided by gender. I was rooming with my friend Karen, an oboist I knew from university, but there were guys rooming on both sides of our room. It was sort of weird to walk down the hall to the showers, but I soon got used to it.
Right from the start, evenings (when we usually didn't rehearse) were for partying. There was some alcohol, mostly beer, no drugs to speak of, but we all danced our asses off most nights, or sat and talked until all hours. I gravitated to a group of older students. It included all the married students where the guys and girls kept their distance at the start of the two months -- but that didn't last.
The atmosphere in the place became more and more sexually-charged as we all got to know each other and people paired off. Most everyone had boyfriends or girlfriends back home, but it didn't seem to matter after awhile. I'll admit that being without regular sex, plus being around all those out-of-control hormones added to my horniness, until I was sneaking back to my room nearly every night to play with myself under the covers in case Karen should come in unexpectedly.
About a week before the end of the program is when it happened. One single guy in our group, Claudio, didn't seem as if he was always on the make. I believe he'd done it with one girl about halfway through the course, but she had to go home due to some family difficulties, so obviously, it didn't last.
I have to be honest and admit I sort of did have the hots for Claudio all summer long, but I tried to keep everything cool. He seemed kind of interested in me, but I think that gold band around the finger on my left hand caused him to not act on his feelings. He was friendly, but never overtly came on to me, but you know how it is when someone has interest, you just pick up "that vibe". Several times when I was wearing some particularly tight jeans, he and some of the guys wolf-whistled at me in a good-natured way. Since I'd spent the past year toning my body, I knew I looked good in them, and their response made me feel good about myself, but like I said, I stayed cool.
It didn't help that Claudio was completely the type of male I find physically interesting: about six feet tall, wiry, dark hair, beautiful green eyes and nice full lips. He also had a ready smile, and though he obviously knew he was good-looking, he could also laugh at himself quite easily. I'd sometimes find myself staring at him without realizing it. He was friendly, too, and a very talented musician (violin). A couple of times we found a quiet room and played duets. Violin and cello do go so well together.
Talking with my husband, David, on the phone once or twice a week was hard on both of us. We missed each other so much, and being not that long married, we both really missed the sex. After those calls, I'd always be so hot that I'd have to rush back to the room to bring myself off -- sometimes twice. He'd almost always ask if I was behaving myself. Until that last week, I could be 100% honest. If I was feeling playful, I'd tell him I needed to masturbate occasionally, knowing that always drives him nuts.
On the Saturday at the beginning of our last week, we'd just played our best concert yet, and since everyone was sort of manic about our success, the after-concert party was quite a blow-out. As things progressed, people were kissing openly on the dance floor or in dark corners, and I'll bet there was a lot more going on that I didn't notice!
About eleven o'clock, Claudio came over and asked if I wanted to dance. We'd danced a number of times before, but never with any regularity, and only for one or two slow tunes. That night, the very first dance was a slow one. Normally, I had kept some distance when dancing with other guys, but that night, my guard was down a bit, and I was more than a little horny. So I just let Claudio pull me in really tightly. He had his hands on my lower back, and I had mine over his shoulders as we swayed to the beat.
