This is the final chapter in this saga. I hope you've enjoyed it and are happy with the ending!
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"You're upset," Dr. Condos asserts.
I've just walked in and sat down- how can she tell?
My brow furrows in confusion.
"Yes, how did you know?" I reply. I've been seeing Dr. Condos for two months, and it's been good for me, I think. She's helped me realize that my upbringing has been influencing my relationships, and I feel like I've been able to step back with Francesca. I can't thank Cheryl enough for convincing me to do this. I didn't know it, but since her uncle got sick, she has been seeing a therapist, too.
"Reggie, you wear your emotions on your face. What's bothering you?" she asks, true concern in her voice.
"I'm angry- Francesca and I fought last night," I explained, sighing and running my hands through my hair. She sits silently- she does that a lot- but it prompts me to continue. "It was so stupid. I bought her a new set of kitchen knives because she was complaining about her old ones, and she got mad for no reason!" Dr. Condos' eyebrows raise but I ignore it. "So, I told her to chill out, and she bitched about how I shouldn't butt in where I don't belong. I tried to explain that I want the best things for her, and that I just want to make her happy, and she went off about how she didn't want to owe me anything
again
. It's the same thing over and over! And it drives me insane because I can't even prove to her that we're forever by asking her to marry me! It's so stupid!" I cry, working myself up.
Dr. Condos looks like she is about to speak but I have the urge to continue and cut her off, "So, this morning I went around town trying to figure out how to lease this restaurant that my friend used to work at, the one I told you about, so that I could give it to Francesca- it sounds crazy, but it really would be the perfect place for her and I'm sick of watching her scrimp and save so that eventually she can live a dream that I can give her RIGHT NOW! I mean, why does she have to be so stubborn?!" I'm angry and I haven't even gotten into the worst part.
Dr. Condos eyes me speculatively, "So, what happened?" she asks.
How does she know how to get to the meat of it like this?
I sigh, near tears at my own frustration. "It's been bought already. Not even leased- someone bought the building. I'll never be able to give it to Francesca." I hold back a sob.
She nods at me. "This restaurant- you felt like it was a way for you to tie Francesca to you, and you're upset that it's no longer an option," she says.
I shake my head, my anger building back up. "No! No. That's what Francesca says too, but it's not true! It isn't about tying her to me," I try, but she interrupts me.
"What is it about?" she offers, her eyes studying me. Her question catches me off guard, and I don't reply right away. She sits quietly for a moment before continuing, "You've told me that Francesca has spoken of your future, yet you are still unsure that she will stick around." I nod slowly.
What is she getting at?
We stare at each other, the silence building until I break. "I want to give it to her. To make her happy."
She nods and contemplates what I've said. "Why don't you find another restaurant to lease, then?"
She stumps me. I ponder her question before replying. "I guess I could, but Francesca wouldn't like that." I say carefully.
"But she would have been alright if you leased this specific restaurant?" Dr. Condos asks me.
"Not likely..." I offer slowly.
"I wonder why you are so upset that it has been bought, then? It sounds like it saved you from a fight," She replies, crossing her legs and tilting her head to the side. I furrow my brows, not sure how to respond to that.
"I... It feels like it slipped away from me. I should have bought it earlier, given it to Francesca when she was ready," I try to explain, to Dr. Condos and to myself.
"Ready for what?"
She's really digging her heels in here.
"To accept it." I answer defiantly.
She raises an eyebrow. "What would be she be accepting, Reggie?" she asks delicately.
Out of nowhere, I feel tears welling up in my throat, and I let out a ridiculous sob. I can feel my walls breaking down, and it's intense. "Me," I finally let out, another sob following my confession.
She nods, genuine concern in her eyes. "You want her to accept you," she whispers. I nod, but don't say anything else. My emotions are taking over and I'm afraid to go here. "Reggie, you didn't have unconditional love as a child. It makes sense that you would feel you have to earn Francesca's love."
I stay quiet for some time. "How can I... how do I keep her? Everything I do to try and keep her close seems to push her away. It terrifies me- I can't lose her, Dr. Condos."
"What would Francesca say if you asked her that?" Dr. Condos presses me. I just shake my head, frustrated. "You've told me that she tells you she wants to be with you. She's moved in with you, met your family, talks about "the rest of your life". She thinks of your future. What makes you think she will leave?".
I bite my lip to try to stop myself from crying. "Why would she stay..." I manage meekly.
"Hasn't she told you?" she asks quietly. I nod, but don't reply. "You can't hear it," she says in a soft tone, but the realization in her voice is loud.
I nod sadly. "I want to," I manage, but I know what she is going to say. She'll say it's my fault, that all I have to do is accept what Francesca says to me, just like Francesca says. But it's just not that simple.