Amanda still worked at the same job where she had met Joshua. She was so proud of him for moving on to a better position professionally, but she was equally angry with him for leaving her there. For years now, she had more or less the same coworkers, same office, and same day to day. This included the same old Friday outing with anyone who was available at the pub near the office. She almost always invited Josh, although surely by now he knew he had a standing invitation.
Josh came when he could and often arrived after the rest of the crew, considering he was the only person coming from a different office. Amanda was always excited to see him. She watched him circle the table, giving 'hello's before coming to the empty seat across from her.
Amanda smiled at him coyly, "Hi."
"Hello," Josh replied.
They often had so much to tell each other that there was no good place to begin, so they simply locked their gazes for a few seconds while the energy between them settled. In these moments, the room may as well have been empty.
Amanda leaned over the table to talk only to Josh, "As much as I want to steal you away, we might as well socialize while we're here."
Josh leaned in just the same. Their noses were only inches apart, close enough that Amanda could see him breathing. She watched him smile softly. Josh's smile started to grow larger as he shot his hand up and grabbed Amanda's chin.
Amanda yelped, but tried to contain it and stay quiet. Coworkers shot them glances.
Looking Josh in the eye, she slowly stuck her tongue out, licking over his thumb on her chin. Her heart was racing. She could feel blood rush to her cheeks, and elsewhere.
"Do you only invite me out so you can have me to yourself?" Josh teased.
Amanda's eyes fluttered as she pretended to think of an excuse.
"Yes," she answered smiling.
They each sat back in their chair and joined the group conversation, together. After all, their coworkers were privy to their strange friendship.
-----
The group started to thin until it was only Josh and Amanda remaining.
"You want to move this to the bar and free up the table?" Josh asked.
Amanda nodded and they shifted themselves from their seats to the counter.
Getting another drink or two in made for interesting conversation. They were best friends and could talk for days. With the others gone, Amanda and Josh could have real conversations.
"Josh," Amanda started.
Josh turned to look at her, waiting for what he anticipated being a juicy statement. Amanda couldn't bear to face him while she asked. Josh watched her inspect the ice in her drink.
"Do want kids?" she asked.
Josh sighed and answered, "Yes."
Amanda turned to face him and continued, "Well, why haven't you two gotten started? I don't mean to pry, but I am really curious."
"I do want kids. From you, it's not really 'prying'. It's just -- For a while, we weren't really in a great spot financially to have kids," Josh trailed off.
Amanda piped up, "Not for nothing, you make double or triple what I do."
"Yes. Now. I also used to have your job which doesn't pay great. And Cayla's job doesn't pay great. Plus, she had to go back to school and now she wants to open her own business and be in charge of herself," Josh said as he grew exasperated.
He sighed and continued, "We've spent so many years avoiding having kids. I think we're stuck there and, not to be rude to Cayla, but we're the same age. We're going to be 40 soon."
"You have literally years until you're 40," Amanda chided.
"Four. I know it's possible to get pregnant in your 40s, but I'm pretty sure it's not as safe. And I don't want to be an old as hell dad," Josh paused. "A kid when I'm 42 would mean I'm 60 at their graduation. Sixty!"
"You think it's going to take you six years to convince her?" Amanda asked.
"No, but I want more than one."
Amanda nodded. Their conversation lulled as she leaned her head on his shoulder in support. Support for him emotionally, and support for herself physically. She was pushing past tipsy at this point in the evening.
"If it weren't for our spouses, I'd-," Amanda stopped herself and sat upright, pulling herself off Josh.
Her face contorted as she came to terms with saying that out loud and with what was coming next. Aside from their mild handsy adultery, they've always respected each other's spouses. Really, they encouraged each other to have good marriages, no matter how torn they felt internally.
Amanda sighed deeply.
"What?" Josh prodded her to continue.
"The start of that sentence came out really terrible sounding, and the other half isn't much better," she cautioned.
"The first half was pretty unforgettable, so, put me out of my misery here and just tell me," Josh replied.
Amanda dropped her head into her hands, resting her elbows on the bar. Again, she couldn't bear to look at Josh and finish her thought.
Amanda started again, speaking calmly and clearly, "If it weren't for our spouses, I'd let you knock me up today."
Silence filled the space between them, each processing the information.
Amanda explained with a sigh, "A year or two ago I was trying to figure out why you didn't have kids yet. I think you'd be a great dad, and the thought popped into my mind: 'I'd let Josh knock me up today.'"
"But you have a husband. And you're not knocked up," Josh noted.
"Correct. I can't trust him with that yet. I think the comparison is what pulled the idea out of me."
Josh ushered for her to continue.
"When I hit 25, for whatever reason, I became baby crazy. Every month, like clockwork, all I can think about for a week is getting pregnant ASAP. And I found it very weird because I was not at all ready to have a baby with my husband. I still find it weird. You were the very obvious next choice for my very horny brain to think about."
Amanda studied Josh's every facial expression, looking for a sign that he hated the idea or that he really wanted her to shut up.
Josh took a deep breath before responding, "I'd love to knock you up. Today."
Amanda's face dropped, "You can't do this to me."
Josh defended himself, "You're making it sound like it's a threat and not something you brought up."
"No, I mean you are going to drive me absolutely crazy! Now there's really nothing stopping my fantasizing about you getting me pregnant!" Amanda said with a laugh.
Josh's mood turned cheeky, "You've been fantasizing?"
