When my lovely wife Pam was still alive, we rarely, if ever, let one another begin the day starving for some action, regardless of how much we went at it the night before. She always said it was a waste of the dawn's early light and clean sheets to leave the marital bed wanting for affection when the love of your life was laying right next to you. That was one of two rules we'd promised to keep sacred ever since our wedding day. So, we never threw the covers back until we were both satisfied.
After our first major argument and the ensuing two days of not speaking to one another was settled, Pam more or less made me a promise that she kept for the rest of her life. "Look," she began. " I know you love me, though you won't always like me. But you can always fuck me, no matter what."
It seemed selfish to me at first that Pam should still get sex even though she'd pissed me off, but the more I thought about it, I realized it was for both of us, and it wasn't about just getting sex. It was about being able to set aside our differences to show our love for one another until cooler heads prevailed, which sex always seemed to bring about.
It touched me that she was still ready and willing to take a roll in the hay with me no matter how much I'd pissed her off, so I made her the same promise. From then on, we worked hard at allowing ourselves the time to still make love through the rough patches in our marriage.
I loved Pam with every fiber of my being, and her philosophies much the same. She's been gone almost four years now, and I miss them both dearly.
******
I got up that morning, hornier than usual, and thought it would be a perfect day to watch some amateur internet porn while I sipped my coffee and waited for my blood to flow again. I'd always had a thing for mom-son and uncle-niece videos. Real or not, I couldn't tell? I just had a thing for the taboo premise. Pam used to chastise me for watching 'such filth', but before long, she'd cuddle up to me, staring at the computer screen with one hand groping my crotch and the other inside her top, toying with her nipples. Deep down, she liked the videos too, but one of us had to be the voice of conscience and it certainly wasn't me.
I was on my second cup of coffee and third or fourth video, working up to the point of taking things in hand, when the mood was ruined by a knock on my front door. I wasn't very happy. Horny, but not happy. I answered the knock anyway, just in case it was something important.
"Good morning, Sir. My name is Leslie and I'm from blah, blah-blah, blah blahddy blah. Today our members are out and about, spreading word to the community about blahddy blah blah and we're hoping to get more people interested in learning about blah dee blah, blah-blah, bluh-blah-blah, and we'd like everyone to join us in our celebration this coming Sunday. Won't you join us?"
I hadn't a clue of what she was saying to me because the moment I saw the two-inch stack of pamphlets in her hand and the pretend smile pasted across her face, my attention level dropped to zero as my eyes glazed over in disinterest. Leslie was standing on the third step down from my door, putting her at eye level with my crotch, which she seemed to have focused on about halfway through her pitch. Her intrusion annoyed me and didn't care what she was selling, I just knew she had ruined a perfectly good and much needed spank session.
Apparently, my sullen stare gave away my disinterest, causing Leslie to shove the pamphlets back into her large shoulder bag and turn around with a loud humph. She marched back down to the sidewalk below, clicking her black block heels sharply with each step. Before I could close the door, Leslie did an about-face, climbing her way back to the third step with a much friendlier smile across her ruby lips.
I swung the door back open where she stood squinting at me, trying to block the bright morning sun with her hand trembling in the air, high above her face. She looked as though she were struggling to put the right words together, which I assumed would be a piece of her mind for me not having the courtesy to listen to her well-rehearsed speech. However, what came out of her mouth next, flabbergasted me.
"I could take care of that for you; if you would like, that is."
Leslie tilted her head downward, nodding at my crotch, then resumed squinting up at me. She stood shifting her weight from one foot to the other like a strong urge to pee was bearing down on her.
"I'm sorry? You could take care of what; for me.?"
"That fading bulge in the front of your shorts. I... I could help ease the swelling in a more enjoyable manner than just letting it shrink away unsatisfied."
"I, um... Uh, do you... I uh..." I was speechless.
Seeing the stunned look on my face, Leslie began backpedaling as
her's
turned a bright shade of red.
"Oh, Jesus, I'm sorry. I don't... I mean...," Leslie stammered. "I don't know what I'm... I'm so sorry, I've never done anything like this..."
She was quite distressed and surprised by what had just come out of her own mouth. Leslie's sudden state of upset spoke volumes, telling me it was true that she'd
never
done anything of the like. Something compelled her to make that astonishing offer, and not only was I curious, but I couldn't just let her walk away feeling so awful. I was now feeling bad as well for trying to blow her off, and attempted to engage her in conversation to see if I could help somehow.
"So what made you do it today?" I asked.
"Shit, shit, shit," she sputtered. "It doesn't matter, please, just forget it."
"I'm sorry, but I can't turn anyone away being in the state you're in. What made you say that?"
Seeing I was trying to help, Leslie took a deep breath, settling herself, then looked me in the eye, unflinching.
"Frankly, loneliness and desperation. Happy now?"
"Miss, I'm anything but happy. But I'd like to help if I can."
"Never mind. I'm sorry. Please, just forget I said anything. It's nothing."
"Well, there's obviously something making you feel lonely and desperate. Something made you say; well, what you said. We can talk awhile if you like. It's up to you."
Leslie stood there, mumbling to herself as she looked up the street, then down, then back at me with a sigh. I don't know what kept her standing there on my steps. The level of humiliation she showed would have sent most running to hide in shame, but not Leslie. She remained frozen in place, looking as though she wanted to talk, but didn't know where to begin. Maybe I did have the kind face Pam always claimed. Maybe Leslie was at her breaking point and just needed someone, anyone, to talk to.
"Okay, okay. It's... Shit, I can't believe I'm telling this to a complete stranger. It's just that; my husband hasn't touched me in over two years and I woke up much hornier than usual this morning. Which, I didn't think was possible, and it's only getting worse as the day wears on. So much so, I've apparently taken to offering sexual favors to a total stranger because I am so fucking starved for some thin resemblance of affection. Pathetic, I know."
Leslie stared at the hard concrete steps beneath her feet, shaking her head in disbelief at what an unsatisfying and neglectful marriage had driven her to do, realizing how ridiculously slutty she must have sounded in doing so.
"Really, I am sorry. It's just that I saw your, um, the bulge in your shorts and I couldn't take my eyes off of it. The misery of craving affection just took over, I suppose. I'm so sorry for bothering you and any offence I've caused. Please; just forget anything I've said or, better yet, that I was even here. Have a good day. I'm going to go now. Maybe find a dumpster to curl up behind so I can die of embarrassment in peace. I'm very sorry."
I felt terrible for Leslie as she walked away, red-faced, and quite mortified. Her shoulders drooped as she trudged down the steps like she'd been told her welcome on planet Earth had worn thin. She'd been driven by desperation to do things that her profuse apologies convinced me were not in her normal character. A desperation fueled by a neglectful and emotionally intolerable situation at home.
I knew I needed to say or do something because I was in a near identical state myself. Not driven by neglect, but by grief and an unrelenting desire for the intimacy and physical contact I hadn't experienced since before Pam's passing. I couldn't let this woman leave feeling so awful for trying to satisfy the basic human needs we all have.
"Does this mean you're taking back your offer?" I called out.
At the bottom step Leslie paused for a moment, glancing around the neighborhood before turning to answer.