Where Do I Sign 01

Where do I sign? 01

Alright then, the closing process of buying a new place to live is not a 30 minutes affair, is it?

[Meanwhile, during the second hour of a home purchase document signing process in the real estate office with the head closing agent, Mrs. Brinks and a box of ink pens]

"Signature document page 179, Ray and we're almost finished. Sign here and initial here [finger tap points] signifying that one of our agents provided you with another walk through of your new 3 bedroom, 2 bath with a kick back extension for a laundry room property before this closing [finger points and taps the signature lines]."

"Oh, Mrs. Brinks, you mean that house up front actually comes with the story and a half barn that I'm buying, the barn that is more cinder block then it is wood, where so I sign?"

[Giggles and finger point taps again. Scribble signs and scribble initials]

"Sign and initial here [finger point taps], Ray, acknowledging that your new home comes with what we in real estate business refer to as 'newer' windows [finger taps on the signature lines]."

"Oh, Mrs. Brinks, you mean the four sections of glass block windows, two each, in the end walls of the cinder block barn that will illuminate the barn by the daylight and provide mood lighting by night from the glow of moon? Where do I sign?"

[Giggles and finger point taps again. Scribble signs and scribble initials]

"Sign and initial here [finger point taps], Ray, signifying and acknowledging that you will have a hand railing system installed on your front porch of the house up front since it's three steps up and since safety codes have changed over the years [finger point taps]."

"Oh, Mrs. Brinks, I'm on board with that just as long as the contractor is the same one who built the bad ass white oak railing system that surrounds the bad ass barn gaming loft that is just seven steps up from the barn floor! Seven steps and seven layers of polished varnish! Where do I sign and initial?"

[Giggles and finger point taps again. Scribble signs and scribble initials]

"And speaking of that poker room loft, Ray, which even I agree is gamers dream, even though I don't understand why it's only halfway up between the floor and where a normal second floor would be, sign here and initial on the dotted line acknowledging that you have previously agreed and wiki updated the purchase agreement agreeing to donating the bad ass grained oak round dining room/poker table and chairs to my newlywed daughter as a wedding gift because and I quote your words from the updated purchase agreement contract, "who in the fucking holy hell would put a bazillion dollars round oak table and chairs in the middle of a video gaming loft because that's where the gaming couch goes?", end quote, so, sign and initial please, Ray."

"Well, Mrs. Brinks, I'm just 21 and the only card games I play are the ones that come free with my gaming Apps, so, where do I sign? You know, since Darlene will be there with a truck as soon as I receive the keys to my barn, I mean, my new home.

[Giggles and finger point taps once again. Scribble signs and scribble initials]

"Mm-hmm, and please initial again under your initials signifying that you didn't take advantage of the seven steps up loft floor height to straight up peek up my daughters mini skirt, mm-hmm, as she sat at the fancy bazillion dollars grained oak table to size it up, mm-hmm!"

[Chuckles and scribbles a second set of initials]

Well, blame the weirdo who constructed the low loft in the first place, not me, especially since I'm busy buying a new whip ass barn and OMFG, a house comes with it!

"Mm-hmm, almost finished, Ray, sign and initial here [finger point taps], Ray, acknowledging that you and the seller have agreed on and adjusted the selling price to reflect the major appliances that are now considered as a part of the sales agreement, go ahead, Ray."

"Oh, Mrs. Brinks, do you mean the college dorm room sized refrigerator up in the barn's loft that sits atop of a blonde butcher block roller cabinet, that has a hot plate in the cabinet and sits right next to a popcorn popping microwave because the bad ass loft has electricity plugs everywhere, those major appliances and those other big things in the house that really don't matter all that much, like the kitchen appliances and the laundry room appliances, where do I sign?"

[Giggles and finger point taps again. Scribble signs and scribble initials]

"Document signing page 182, Ray, sign and initial here [finger point taps] acknowledging what we in the real estate business refer to as having upgraded and newer plumbing [finger taps]."

"Oh, Mrs. Brinks, I acknowledge that the amazing barn gaming loft has a teeny tiny bathroom in it, complete with a rinsing off sink and built-in and capped sealed off copper pipe extensions for another rinsing off standalone cabinet sink in the loft area next to the butcher block roller cabinet for future considerations of upgrades! Where do I sign?"

[Giggles and finger point taps again. Scribble signs and scribble initials]

"And speaking of that, Ray, sign and initial here [finger point taps], signifying that you understand that the hot water in the barn is provided by a travel camper propane water heating system and must be operationally inspected every two years, go ahead, Ray."

"Oh, Mrs. Brinks, I acknowledge that it might be two years before I even leave the dream barn loft! Where do I sign?"

[Giggles and finger points again. Scribble signs and scribble initials]

"Well, Ray, we're almost ready for the proverbial congratulations hand shake as you hand me your big fat check for being a new (giggles) barn owner, but first, I have one more less official document for you to sign, so, hold please while I retrieve it from my desk drawer."

[Opens the desk drawer and retrieves a normal sized piece of paper document and slides it in front of Ray for continued ink pen abuse]

"Ray, please sign and initial here [finger point taps], acknowledging that just over two years ago, at your graduation party, I was totally doable to you and for you and you didn't do me, go ahead, Ray."

"[Scribble signs and scribble initials] wait, what, um, what was that, Mrs. Brinks?"

"Mm-hmm and please sign and initial here [finger point taps], acknowledging that at my nephew's graduation party just a couple of weeks later that, you failed to check under my sundress if I was even wearing undies because I wanted that quick of a good stabbing from you, go ahead, Ray, sign and initial, because you didn't stab me when I was so, so, so ready to risk getting caught being dick stabbed by you, mm-hmm!"

"[Scribble signs and scribble initials] wait, again, um, what's happening here, Mrs. Brinks?"

"Last one, Ray, sign and initial here [finger point taps], challenging me to have my skirt hiked up, my legs spread while sitting on my desktop like I was sitting on a washing machine, before you can stand up and lock my office door, go ahead, Ray, challenge me, mm-hmm!"

"[Scribble signs and scribble initials] well, well, well, challenge accepted, Mrs. Brinks!"

Well, it was a tie in her favor because I had no idea that a woman could hike her work skirt up, remove her undies and plop down on a washing machine desktop like that so quickly, so.

"Mm-hmm, stick your fat ink pen into my ink well here, Ray [finger points low] and reach around and leave your finger gripping initialing hand prints on my booty cheeks [finger points around back] back there, Ray and then deep dick fuck bang me like I was your age, mm-hmm!"

Well then, I mean, it's the real state agents who know what must be done when closing on a barn and a house, so.

[Step forward, aim, squish things around to split the lips, push, push, ahh, get after it!]

"[Grip, slam, grip, pump, grip, sign here] am I signing on your dotted line good enough with my ink pen, Mrs. Brinks (grunt, argh, puff, ooh, grunt, aha, aha)?"

"[Argh, ugh, aha, aha, ooh] your ink pen is better than I imagined, Ray and it's worth the over two years wait (aha, aha, aha, moan, groan, aha) and your document signing ink pen can burst inside of my wet ink well, Ray (OMG, OMG, that's hard, ooh)."

"[Grip, slam, grip, pump, grip, slam, bam, argh] are you sure, Mrs. Brinks?"

"[Argh, ugh, aha, aha, ooh] I'm positive, Ray, especially since I started it and even more especially since I'm looking forward to standing in line at the bank to deposit your big fat home and barn purchase check with slimy and sticky thighs, walk of shame style (ooh, oh, oh, OMG, OMG, it's happening, OMG)."

Well, who was I to argue back about that, huh? Especially since, LOL, before we were even halfway through our sex wheezing and huffing and puffing, LOL.

"[Bang, bang, bang] hello? Brenda? It's agent Carli and even though I'm screaming through your closed and locked office door, mm-hmm, I'm gently reminding you that you need to get down to the bank to deposit all today's fat checks! [Bang, bang, bang on the office door, bang] and I'll take care of having your client sign and initial that you will be conducting a client follow up review at his new barn place, so, Mrs. Brinks, the bank will be closing soon. Hello?"

[Fixing and fiddling with sex hair always come after an office tryst as one shamefully exits through the no tell motel office door as the staff side eye looks on and smirks as a very satisfied Mrs. Brinks sashays out of the office, walk of shame style]

"Mm-hmm, see to it, agent Carli, that my client, Ray, signs and initials in the correct place for that client satisfaction follow up meeting, mm-hmm! And close one more button on your blouse since I can clearly tell that you have a showing later this afternoon, mm-hmm, since I can clearly see that you're wearing your pencil test bra and my client is just a twenty something man (with empty balls), mm-hmm!"

"(Jealous much Auntie, hmm?) Head closing agent, Mrs. Brinks (giggles), it's just that I have a showing for this guy who thinks he's just purchasing a three-tier rear deck with a behind the garage bath, now get before the bank closes [inserts a fresh signing and initialing ink pen into the purple pencil test bra]."

I don't know, even though Mrs. Brinks had quite the walk of shame sashay, I mean, as the guy, I get the strut of conquest, right? I mean, I didn't write the rules, so.

The end? LOL, not quite because purchasing agreement documents just kept coming.

[With the very satisfied Mrs. Brinks out of sight, Ray performs his strut of conquest through the office, but that's quickly interrupted]

"Mm-hmm, just a few more official documents to sign and initial, Ray, mm-hmm. Please prepare yourself by taking the signing ink pen from my pencil holder and have a seat in Mrs. Brinks' office."

Well, I already had the chair warmed up, so. Well, after I slowly removed the signing ink pen from Agent Carli's pen holder cups.

[Agent Carli sits at the boss' desk and accidently unbuttons one more blouse button because, um, well, just because]

"Mm-hmm and please sign and initial here [finger point taps] Ray, acknowledging that is was such a shame back in the school that I was two grades above you, especially since you've grown into such a handsome young adult man, mm-hmm."

[Scribbles signatures and scribbles initials]

"Well, Carli, thank you for that and I'll return the pleasantry by saying you've only gotten even hotter, even though that seems impossible, but can I scribble pencil-in how you once stabbed a nail file straight through my locker steel door when I was a sophomore and then you sign under my initials and initial under my signature for that true confession, huh?"

[Both giggle and scribble signatures and initials]

"Well, please sign and initial here [finger point taps], acknowledging that was only one time and only because you had such an elaborate photo tribute to my younger sister, mm-hmm, Carmen, which you yourself title tagged the over the top photo tribute as "Craving Carmen" and if you initial and sign under my under signings, mm-hmm, I won't even ask how you managed to snap off that red bikini photo of her while she was at the Splash Park, mm-hmm!"

[A lot giggling and scribbling of signatures and initials]

"Sign and initial here [finger point taps], Ray, signifying and acknowledging that we both agree that Carmen, who is and will always be two years younger than you, is considered a young adult women since she's graduated and I'll let it spill that she has developed her own charms and aurora and I'll again sign and initial under yours again that the fine print is well beyond your reading capability, mm-hmm!"

[Less giggling, but they both sign and initial on the lines]

"Well, Carli, are you going to read the fine print for me because it's impossible for me to see it, let alone read it through your cleavage crease because your pencil holders are creating quite the blind spot!"

"(Giggles) sign and initial here [finger point taps], Ray, signifying and acknowledging that we both agree that we won't say anything about this to my younger sister, Carmen, aka Craving Carmen, and I'll sign and initial under yours that this is the 4th to last time that I hustle you with my hypnotizing pencil test cleavage, mm-hmm!"

"Oh, Carli, I'll even initial under your signature and sign under your initials because I'm sensing that you're about to help me with your sister because, mm-hmm, I admit it, I've always Craving Carmen crushed on Carmen, so, can I grab a fresh ink pen from your pencil and pen holders, hmm?"

[That was a lot of giggling, but fresh ink pens work best for when the line and the dotted line have so many signatures and initials]

"Mm-hmm, now we're down to the 3rd to last time that I use my boobs against you, Ray, mm-hmm."

"Fine, Carli, no more questions, no more signing, just spill it about when my cravings for Carmen end, final bid offer! But I need another ink pen for my glove box (chuckles)."

[Um, that's much more of a boob job more than an ink pen pull!]

"Mm-hmm, and now we're down to you owing me a very rock-solid alibi for if and when I cheat, Ray, mm-hmm! Anyways, sign and initial here [finger point taps], Ray, signifying that you're deep dreaming that I would hike my work skirt up just as high as Mrs. Brinks did for you and then sign here and initial there [finger point taps] acknowledging that you can't ask that of me because you're craving crushing so hard on my sister and then initial under your signature here [finger taps] and then I'll still set up a follow up client meeting between Mrs. Brinks and yourself without telling anyone, mm-hmm, like my sister."

[Huh, no giggling, but scribbled signed, scribbled initials and initials signed under the original signature]

"Oh, mm-hmm, Carli, now you sign here [points at blank white area on paper] and initial here [points at another blank area on the paper] acknowledging that a younger real estate agent such as yourself, wears a garter belt to help upsell the extended barn warranty and I'll sign and initial under your initials and signature that I won't tell that you proved that to me by halfway crinkle hiking your work skirt up and plopping down on the washing machine desktop, so (chuckles), just let me snatch this last ink pen from your pencil test bra ink pen holder [lift, push back down, lift, push back down] and let's get with it, mm-hmm!"

[Huh, that worked. And that crinkle hiking up of the work skirt was a tad more than halfway and that plopping down on the washing machine style desktop was quite the view]

"Mm-hmm, double up your signatures and initials [finger taps], Ray, because this is about reconnecting you with my sister, Carmen, since you clearly still crave her, but I'm not peeking my skimpy undies to you as a part of your conquest to have both sisters and ahem, our Auntie Brenda Brinks too!"

Oh, um, well, so what? They are a lovely family of females.

[Giggles because there's something about a man who wants to run the gamut through the ladies of a family bloodline and finger point taps again. Scribble signs and scribble initials]

"But, Ray, since there has been no reconnection yet, sign and initial somewhere on the blank piece of paper that it's legit for you stand and step forward to acknowledge that my garter belt and skimpy undies did their job for the extended barn warranty upsell, mm-hmm."

[Giggles because it's true that that they say sex sells for a long time now. Scribble signs and scribble initials and steps forward, which, OMG, is also interrupted!]

"[Bang, bang, bang] hello? Agent Carli?"

And they have said for a long time that some things just happen at the wrong time.

"[Bang, bang, bang] agent Carli, it's me, receptionist Rita, hello? I'm screaming through the closed and locked office door to quietly announce that your boyfriend just called and he's on a hot track to get here because somebody told him that the bed head hair style and sex hair are not the same! [Bang, bang, bang] hello?"

"(Fuck!)"

"[Bang, bang, bang] agent Carli, I don't mean to announce it so loudly, but since you're making me scream through the closed door so the entire staff can hear me, you need to finish any signing on the dotted lines and quick!"

"Rats! Quick, Ray, step forward and sign and initial my skimpy undies with your drizzling ink pen and mark me as your next Brinks' female family conquest! And I'll contact you soon because I have a few more things to tell you about my sister, who you crave so much."

Well, I stepped forward and dabbed, so what? I mean, I don't have much control and my entire ink pen almost emptied, but, OMG, that was interrupted too!

[Ahh, receptionist Rita has a master key! And if there is any such thing as a half walk of shame out of an office, that's what's agent Carli did]

"Well, well, well, I'm receptionist Rita and the ink pen that I have at home is empty and dry, no matter how many times I flick click the little button! Sign my chest and initial my thighs if this would be a good time for me hike up my work skirt, stud!"

[Closes and locks the office door]

Well, I think I started out saying how long it takes to close on a property with all that signing, right?

End Where do I sign? 01