It happened three weeks ago, my name is Josh and I took my last final after my third year at UW and had 10 days before I started my summer intern job. My friend Ryan finished on the same day. Two hours after the final we left for his parents' house across the state. We planned to spend the weekend there and take in his little brother's high school graduation party, then I would go to home and see my parents for a few days before starting a summer job.
It's a Wisconsin thing, the graduation party took place on his family farm in a shelter house by a lake. They roasted a whole hog. Roasting a whole hog is a two day affair, it's also a drunken party with queasy sunrise hangovers as a result of the dripping hog fat and the smell of burnt rawhide. It's not pretty, but it sure is fun.
The process started by digging a pit about the size of a grave, but only half as deep. They dug it with a backhoe, farm equipment comes in handy. The pit was filled to overflowing with hickory logs and at dusk the fire pit was doused in diesel fuel and ignited. Parents, aunts, uncles, friends and neighbors gathered around the bonfire in lawn chairs for a pleasant evening of sharing stories and building community ties. Beer filled coolers on the tailgates of pick-up trucks were plentiful and bottles of schnapps were being passed around.
By 10:00 pm the fire had been stoked a few times and the adults were mostly gone off for home and bed. Young friends of the graduate were gathering with more beer coolers on more tailgates. No additional wood was added after 11:00 pm and by midnight the pit was half filled with hot coals. It was time to put the hog on the fire.
This was not a little piglet going on a spit, this was a full size hog with a carcass weight of 175 pounds with the head on. You might think that 3-4 strong guys would somehow wrestle the hog over the pit. No, this was a modern working farm where they have the equipment needed for heavy lifting. They had the hog positioned on a steel frame with a mesh grid that was sized just right to fit on the blocks that had been placed around the edge of the pit.
Ryan used the front end loader on a tractor to lift the ropes that were attached to the grill frame. With a little guidance from a few guys who were still sober enough to not be at risk of falling into the fire, they lowered the grill and hog in place. The final step was to cover the hog with a heat reflector that looked something like a short canoe. It was made out of re-bar, chicken wire and aluminum foil and it served to hold the heat and reflect it back down on the hog. This wasn't the first hog roast for this family.
By 2:00 am most of the young kids were either gone or had sneaked off as couples for a roll in the hay. Ryan's parents had come out to check that the hog was properly placed in the makeshift oven. His mom had taken his little brother by the arm and lead him back to house explaining that he was not going to be throwing up and hung over when the relatives arrived for the party. He was staggering and needed her help. Ryan's dad sat down with us and gave some unneeded instructions about keeping hot coals in the pit, he took a slug of bourbon when the bottle was passed to him, then said goodnight and left Ryan in charge.
Our job was to keep a side fire going and occasionally shovel hot coals from the side fire to the roasting pit. It was nearly 2:30 am with Ryan's friend Ben arrived with his girlfriend Lexi. Ben is a few years older than Ryan and he grew up on a farm nearby. After he graduated from high school he joined the Army where he was an explosives specialist, after getting out of the Army he went to work for a mining company as their explosives expert, making him a high paid young redneck. He is the kind of guy you can't help but like, he is funny and totally entertaining, he has to be the center of every conversation and you have to question the truthfulness of every word he says. Lexi is a cute blond of about the same age, she works as a flight attendant for a regional airline. When Ben wasn't dominating the discussion, Lexi was. Most of what she says seems to be laced with bullshit as well.
After the bottle made a few more passes and the conversation heated up, I came to the realization that I didn't care that Ben and Lexi were full of crap, they were interesting, funny, the conversation was turning sexy, and I enjoyed them.
Ben is a big guy with shiny black hair combed straight back. He was wearing expensive designer jeans over construction work boots and a tight shirt with Japanese characters on the front. When I asked him what the Japanese words said he quickly replied, "Big Dick. Eats Pussy."
"Yes he does," chimed in Lexi without being asked.
"Yes to which," Ryan asked.
"Yes to both," Ben and Lexi replied almost in unison.
