This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of this story to real people or places is purely coincidental.
*****
In the shade of a tall black cherry tree, a warm spring breeze lifted the scent of tulip, daffodil and hyacinth in the air. Wooden chairs, carried out the side door of Witness To The Rapture Church, were placed carefully in a circle. The close proximity to the weathered white clapboards on the building lit the shady spot with a slightly unearthly glow.
"What a lovely day our Lord has given us for our meeting today," Reverend Roberts said. "I wish what I had to tell you all was just as lovely, but unfortunately, as you all know, the church has fallen on hard times. Very hard times indeed."
The gathered flock, a mix of officers of the church and fund raising volunteers, nodded, with looks of concern on their faces. Mostly women, they were dressed in spring whites and yellows, with a smattering of pastel pink and blue.
"I had hoped I would never have to say these words, but I'm afraid, without some sort of divine intervention, we'll have to sell off all our assets, including the building, in a month or two. To put it bluntly, we've gone broke. The bank has been very kind, but we've reached the end of their very long, generous rope."
A collective murmur went through the small gathering. A few of the women wiped tears from their eyes.
"I think I'm correct in saying we've tried everyone's ideas for fundraising and congregation building," Reverend Roberts said, "but if someone has an idea that hasn't been floated, a hail Mary pass to the end zone as it were, please, don't be afraid to bring it up."
"We could sell our bodies," a soft voice said.
There was at least one gasp, and some small, quiet chuckles.
"There's money in that," the soft voice said.
It was Elizabeth Woolzie who had spoken up, known as Lizzie to her friends. A young widow with no children, she was known as a bit of a 'free thinker' among the congregation. There were a few times in the past when folks wondered if she was on drugs, so odd were some of her ideas.
"They might pay for you sweetheart, but they ain't payin' for me," Bertha Wingford said.
A louder chuckle went through the gathering. Bertha smiled as she shifted her big body on the small chair.
"I believe I'll leave that suggestion untouched Lizzie, but thank you for speaking up," Reverend Roberts said. "Maybe it'll help stimulate some other creative ideas."
"How about a calendar, like those women did in that movie? That was a church thing I think, wasn't it?" Lottie Hayford said. Lottie was also a widow, though quite a bit older than Lizzie. She was what one of the men in the congregation once called 'well preserved,' with a body that looked much younger than her years.
"No, not a church I don't think, but it's a good idea," Lizzie said. "There's certainly enough good-looking women around here, and a lot of them are single. But I think something like that would take time, and we don't really have any."
"Since we're talking about selling ourselves in some way, which is really our best asset, how about some kind of auction, like those bachelor auctions," Rhonda Woodsmith said. Rhonda was the newest face in the congregation, a recently divorced woman who had just taken a job that brought her to the area.
"How about an escort service," Lizzie said.
"Lizzie, I don't think..." the Reverend started to say.
"There're lots of folks in this community that would enjoy a date now and then," Lizzie said. "Dinner, dancing, a movie. Heck, I'm one of 'em. Maybe just a walk in the park. Or an evening in front of the TV with a bottle of wine. If the buyers know that it's for a good cause, saving this beautiful church, I bet we could raise some serious money. And it wouldn't just be a one time thing like a calendar or an auction. It would be a really nice ongoing service we could provide."
The group was mostly silent, thinking, nodding, looking like they were in agreement. Reverend Roberts wanted to say that he hoped the idea had nothing to do with Lizzie's previous thought about selling their bodies, but he stayed silent to let the idea percolate.
"I like it," Rhonda said. "We can keep the church alive, and, if it's not too personal saying so, I haven't had a date since I moved here. Having someone take me dancing sounds heavenly."
"I wouldn't mind a bottle of wine in front of the TV with a man," Lottie said. "If he was helping to pay the mortgage on my church, all the better."
"Well I must admit," Reverend Roberts said, "it's the only idea we've had lately that sounds like it might actually work. If we can keep it on the up and up, something a church can be proud of, I say lets give it a try. Lizzie, would you like to chair the committee?"
Lizzie was thrilled. Her somewhat wacky ideas had kept her on the fringes of church groups in the past. Being put in charge of the committee that would either save the church or watch it disappear was a big responsibility, but she was determined to get the cash flowing. The meeting ended with a prayer, and by afternoon Lizzie and Rhonda and Bill Anderson had worked out the details of advertising the new endeavor.
Bill, a strapping young man fresh out of college with a fledgling carpentry business, grew up in the church. The ladies of the congregation hadn't thought much about him until he returned home from school, his handsome body filled out and his eyes twinkling with new knowledge about girls that he had learned during his four years away. He was the only one of the men at the morning meeting to volunteer, not only for the committee, but to be an escort himself. Lizzie, Rhonda and Lottie were also on the list to be escorts.
An ad for the new service went in the local newspaper. It explained the whole church angle, that it was for a good cause. Lizzie was worried that it would all sound too conservative and, frankly, boring, so she got Rhonda, Lottie and Bill together at her house one day to shoot a picture for the ad. A glass of wine as she fiddled with the camera turned into two glasses, and then three. By the time they were done the loose, relaxed faces and sexy smiles in the picture were just what Lizzie had hoped for.
Lizzie had put her personal phone number in the ad, something Reverend Roberts wasn't happy about. He thought all calls for the service should go through the church, but Lizzie wanted more control, already scheming in her head for more of a 'sliding scale' of services to be offered, if all went well. She knew the reverend would be happy once the money started rolling in, and she was confident it would.
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