Ok, the story goes like this. The old man cut out when I was six. Mom raised me until I was 14 and then she cut out with some ass hole from Hollywood.
Seems like Mom and Hollywood got in a bad car wreck out on the interstate.
So, here I am at 14, the mofo what in complete charge.
I go down to the kiddie high school and set up a work-study type thing with one of the companies out in the big industrial park. I have to fib about my age, as they do not allow children of 14 to be exploited. I mean, 16 OK, but 14 no go. (I have no idea why; don’t ask.)
The insurance settlement from Mom’s death is a cool $100,000. Nice, but not enough to retire on. So, I get a fairly decent two-stroke motorcycle and work things out with the heat so I can ride back and forth to work and the grocery store with no license. It is an easy sale, as otherwise I might be a heavy financial drain on the state.
I spend my first two years at work working on the big new computer installation. They got a new building and all kinds of communication gear. Since I am just a kid, I get to crawl around the ceilings and tug the new wiring into place. I keep my mouth shut and my eyes and ears open. When the contractor walks out, I am the only one who knows enough to finish the job.
With the work and school thing, I am a total unknown at school and just the kid who crawls around the ceilings at work.
Down at Willie’s Joint I am the guy who cleans up the Friday night Texas Hold ‘Em game. If I don’t have some break from school and work, I die.
My last two years of high school and work are kind of strange. A big company buys our little local operation and a couple of sharpies come in to run the company. Run it into the ground, that is. Since I am really running the computer operation by this time, I can see what is happening but I can do nothing. Well, not quite nothing. I buy something called puts. They are a stock type of thing and get real valuable when a company’s stock price goes down. I run the $100,000 into $2.3 million after tax over two years. This includes laundering something like $200,000 from Willie’s Joint. I also do a couple of other creative things.
Just before I graduate from high school, the feds come in. I get called in to this room with three FBI (or whatever) guys.
“You are Joseph Riley?”
“No, my name is Joe Riley, just Joe, not Joseph.”
“Mr. Riley, you have been buying puts in your company’s stock for over two years. Do you want to tells us why?”
“Yeah, my boss is a dumb mofo. If they got a guy like that in charge and the rest of the ezecatives don’t know, stock gotta go down.”
“Are you acquainted with any of the ah . . . ezecatives?”
“Well, except for my boss, no. I sho’ would like to get acquainted with Miss Rhone, the big boss’ secretary. I hear the bitch can suck the chrome off a bumper hitch from 20 feet away. However, bein’ a minor child, I wouldn’t know first hand about anything like that.”
“Very interesting, Mr. Riley. However, you don’t know anything about the day to day operations of the company?”
“Well, I understand that Cohen, the mofo CEO rippin’ off a piece most ev’ry day from his secretary. I sho’ would like to get at that hot ass bitch myself!”
“We were thinking more of the financial side.”
“Well, they say that Ms. Anderson over in accounting will put out for $100. However, bein’ a minor child, I wouldn’t know first hand about anything like that.”
“We meant company financial side.”
“Well, they say Miss Closse been rippin’ off like $50 a week out of petty cash to support her live in boy. Mofo be a stone wimp. Don’t know why she bothers.”
Strangely enough, the feds do not press me too hard for more info.