Rahul
"Shit! Shit!" I screamed to myself.
I was intending to send a screenshot of the spreadsheet to Humera but instead I sent a picture of my dick. Not an everyday accident but this was potentially catastrophic. It was my own fault for not clearly labelling my dick pic as a 'dick pic' and rushing the email.
Why would you have a dick pic saved to your computer? You may ask. In 2006/2007 I was that unsolicited dick pic guy. I am not proud of it, it was just a phase I went through at the age of 30 and my single life was lacking any action. I was fucking lonely and horny.
I sent the spreadsheet again and apologised profusely to Humera and asked her to delete the pic.
I felt so embarrassed and feared she would report me. It was on our personal servers so I tried to justify it was not a work issue but this behaviour was a fireable offence and I did not have white privilege to fall back on. Ffs I sent a dick pic to a colleague, of course I was getting fired and blacklisted.
Humera was a Pakistani Muslim and I knew they could be uptight with such things. In truth most women would be affronted by receiving such an email. She was only 24 but had a reassured confidence of who she was and what she wanted in life. We would often have a back and forth about cricket as she was an avid Pakistan fan and I was an avid Indian fan. We would bore our colleagues even fellow Indians and Pakistanis as we went in deep on cricket talking about the legends from past and present.
She told me she was a tomboy as a child and liked to play cricket with the boys. She got the bug for the sport from her Father and they seemed close. It made me envious as my own relationship with my Father was strained. My Father was demanding and tough. He never showed me the affection a child needed.
I have had no message from Humera to acknowledge the screenshot or to tell me off. I am dreading returning to work the next morning as I am sure there will be a meeting with HR waiting for me if I am allowed through the doors at all.
It was late at 11.00pm when she called.
"Hello," I answered nervously.
"Hello Rahul. Thank you for sending the screenshot. But why did you think I wanted a dick pic? Maybe I was giving you a mixed signal when I said send me a screenshot of the spreadsheet. Does spreadsheet mean dick pic to Indians?" She seemed to enjoy my embarrassment and I went a deep shade of red at hearing her mock me.
"It was a mistake. I attached the wrong file. Please, I am so sorry," I pleaded.
"Really Rahul? So you are telling me you save random dick pics to your computer just in case you might need them? Go on then tell me. How many?" She asks.
"15," I reply in all seriousness and not realising that she is teasing me.
She scoffs and laughs.
"Rahul I am only teasing you. So you have 15 different angles of your penis? Oh my god yaar. You are too much. What do you think happens when a girl receives one of these?" She asks.
"I don't know. I just be horny so I kind of hope for some horny chat or even pictures back," I say.
"Rahul so what did you think would happen when you sent me the picture?" She asked.
"This was a mistake. Please believe me," I begged.
"Come on Rahul. You want me to believe you were not hoping that I would see your uncut Hindu lund and become uncontrollably horny?" She asked with a giggle.
Her response took me by surprise. There was no reason to bring up the Hindu/Muslim aspect of this.
She was triggering something inside of me. The fact she would not let it go made me think there was something there.
"Maybe. Did it make you horny?" I asked deciding to risk it all. She had all the power and I thought fuck it.
"Hmm. I wouldn't say horny. Maybe a little moist," she said and I could not believe what I had heard. My dick was like a rocket about to launch at hearing that.
"Ok. That has made me hard like never before," I said and she giggled like it was the funniest thing she had heard.
"Hmm. I have already seen. Don't worry I will not report you and this will stay between us. But you will delete those pictures. No girl needs to see that again," she says and I agree to delete them before we disconnect the call.
"Fuck, what was that? Was she flirting with me?" I asked myself after the call had ended.
I was unable to sleep until I masturbated to the idea of Humera getting moist at my dick pic. Fucking moist. "Oh Bhagwan! Thank you so much!" That was the level of my delight that despite my atheist tendencies I had started to believe again.
The next week comes and we talk as usual at work. Nothing is mentioned about the picture or our conversation but the conversation is different. There is an undercurrent of sexual tension that I can feel. Perhaps it is just in my head.
A week later Humera takes a sudden and unexpected leave of absence and is absent from work for 3 months. Was this due to me? I often wondered during this time. Was the sexual attraction I felt creepy Indian male harassment on my part? There were rumours she was getting married or there was trouble at home. I felt a deep sense of guilt about her suddenly leaving as though I had caused it through my behaviour.
I was afraid to message her as I did not want to make things worse but I often thought about her. I thought maybe it was just a holiday but when it was over a month I grew concerned and messaged to see how she was. I tried again a few more times but she ignored my messages
Upon her return she was more distant. Not just from me but our circle of friends. I would always try to make an effort because well at this stage I was crushing on her hard and I was worried about her.
A few months later the Cricket T20 World Cup started and this tournament more than any other created a buzz among the Indian and Pakistani contingent. T20 was new and there was an exciting buzz amongst us. Humera became more involved and we would start talking more but she was not her usual self. It seemed like only I could sense it.
A lot of Pakistani and Indian fans will remember this world cup. Anyway Humera became her usual self with me and we connected over cricket. We always had good chemistry and I loved her energy. I could sense a sadness about her but she tried to keep it hidden.
India and Pakistan were in the final and I arranged a party at my apartment. I invited my group of friends but there were a few parties at this time by other members of the group so the group was split. I had a few people in the group that said they would come so I felt I had to go ahead with it. Humera said she would be going to one of the Pakistani group's parties which I found disappointing as I really wanted her there more than anyone else.
Humera
I overheard a group of the girls and boys saying they would ditch Rahul's party. They were all giggling and laughing about the idea of him watching on his own. "He is such a loser, yaar. I would not be seen dead at his apartment," Komal said as she applied her lipstick. He was seen as a nerdy loser by most of the group but I liked him. I found him sweet and he was the typical 'nice guy' who never got the girl. Well, he was nice apart from the dick pic thing but we all have our mishaps.
I was planning on going to Shahid's party as most were going there but cancelled to go to Rahul's. Shahid was my ex. We were on again and off again type of thing. But we were definitely off now. Recent events in my life made me re-evaluate what I wanted from relationships and friends.
Shahid was a typical fuckboy. I mean rock star looks with his groomed hair and piercing eyes but a genuine uncaring fuckboy. He cheated on me numerous times in the 2 years we were together. His attitude was always, "You are always like this and I never know if we are on a break or not." Or he would try gas lighting me, "She is just a friend. Why do you project your insecurities on to me?"
I had so many friends here but you know your true friends when you are absent. I went through a difficult time and went back to Pakistan for 3 months. For the first 2 weeks all of my friends would message and ask how I was doing but then nothing. Until Rahul messaged me on week 6. It wasn't the superficial message. He seemed to be worried. I did ignore it and perhaps it is a reason why I have superficial relationships with fuckboys. But he messaged again numerous times until just before I returned. For that reason Rahul had meant more to me than most of these 'friends' even if he did not know it.
I arrived a few minutes before the start and Rahul rushed to open the door.
"Hey, you still got room for me?" I said cheekily. I liked teasing him. In many ways he was mature and intelligent but he always became flustered and nervous around me.
