Pressure

Chapter 9 - Pressure

Before I knew what was happening, Daava--the goblin student I'd met at the temple--was floating upside down by the magical red ribbons that Miss Frostberry seemed to control telekinetically. Daava struggled against them, her muscles bulging from the effort. I heard the sound of tearing fabric and noticed drips of sweat falling over Daava's green skin.

For a moment, I thought Miss Frostberry would send more fabric tendrils to reinforce the tearing one. However, she instead released her hold so that Daava fell to the floor. She felt from a low distance, but the thud still made me wince.

When Daava stood up, Miss Frostberry's red ribbons still hovering overhead, like cobras ready to strike. The Director pointed their front talons at her and, to my shock, their claws grew like foot-long needles. Even Hyrranesus pulled out a wand--like a small tree branch with several living flowers and leaves growing from it. Her eyes rolled back and then a stream of water ran out her sleeve--forming into a dangerous-looking cyclone like a small hurricane floating right in front of her hand.

Had I not been so shocked, I would have been awestruck just by how awesome the sight was. Meanwhile, my horny side would have secretly liked to know what kinds of liquid the bodily fluids expert was using for this magical feat. However, I was too stunned to do anything except for stand there with my jaw hanging open. Seeing all that magic being used to take aim at the first friend I'd made in this place.

I struggled to get my jaw to work in the face of all this physical confrontation and stress. I squeezed my eyes shut to force my imagination from recreating images for my past as I stammered, "Sh-sh-she's a s-s-student-" However, nobody seemed to hear me.

"Who are you?" demanded the Director, their voice becoming a bird-like shriek that sent chills down my spine.

Forcing my chest to drag in air, I tried to speak again, "Sh-sh-she she's n-" However, it was all I could get out before the muscles in my jaw tightened and my eyes got teary from the exertion.

Miss Frostberry finally seemed to notice my efforts. She adjusted her glasses, took a closer look at Daava, made an "oh" expression, and then retracted the tendrils of red fabric into her sleeve. She then approached where I was standing. Taking one of my hands in hers, she patted it assuringly. After a deep breath that seemed meant for me to imitate, she said, "Director, she is a student here--a Miss Rustdagger."

Immediately, the energy in the room shifted. The Director and Hyrranesus both took steps back and retracted their own magical defenses. However, their eyes were still on their student who had been spying on them.

Daava stood up, adjusted her black robes, and then dusted herself off. She saw me, seeming surprised, and then quickly turned her head away. Almost like she looked... embarrassed? This confused me.

"Ah, the student you told me about," The Director said, giving a cautious nod. "From the goblin village, Crudehook. Miss Frostberry has told me of your very... singular... studies. And I've seen your requests for the University to look into the plague facing your people."

"The reason you sent me there for research, I take it?" Hyrranesus asked.

The Director nodded.

Miss Frostberry stepped toward Daava. She shook her head disapprovingly and crossed her arms. "I'm guessing... you put up a school-wide hex to alert you of certain words being used in combination. Words like 'goblin' and 'plague.' Am I right?"

Daava looked down and gave a nod. While she normally seemed cool and collected, what had happened here clearly weighed heavily on her.

Miss Frostberry nodded and continued. "I have my own... to detect traditional magic methods used for this kind of spying. But yours didn't trigger it--so not an all-seeing-eye or far-sight."

"Minor sky opening," Daava muttered, still keeping her head down.

"An advanced spell... and dangerous," Miss Frostberry said and removed her winged glasses to clean the fog from them as she spoke. She exhaled heavily. "Usually meant for sending precious items over long distances. And you used it to open up space and listen. You do know that if I had not used my own power to widen that portal, it would have been like pulling you through a gloryhole, correct? You would be an unrecognizable puddle of gore right now."

"Yes ma'am," Daava said, her head still down.

"Daava... " Miss Frostberry pressed her fingers to her temples and rubbed them. I partially worried that she might interpret this as impoliteness... and that I would have to see her wrath. But Miss Frostberry just seemed exasperated. "You will report back here at the end of the day for a lecture on personal safety in casting... followed by a lecture on privacy ethics... followed by another lecture on decision making under pressure. You will then write out a report for each--separately. And if anything like this happens again, we will be forced to take more drastic measures. And I do mean drastic. Is that understood?"

Daava nodded several times.

Miss Frostberry looked at her for a moment before letting out another sigh. "Was there something else, Miss Rustdagger?" Her tone now was less stern and more... maternal.

"I would like to help," Daava muttered.

"I imagined so," the Director said. They walked over to a chest, opened it, and retrieved a thick stack of very thoroughly used papers. Some leaves were folded and others dangled from the stack. By them, I could see tiny handwriting, some rudimentary sketches, and barely any white space remaining. "The records you provided on the Crudehook epidemic were quite thorough."

"I... didn't think anyone else would do it right," Daava said. "We have historically not been taken very seriously."

"A wise precaution. Though... it is unfortunate that life has taught you that you would be so ignored," The Director said with a gentle nod. They then returned their attention to the stack of papers.

Daava gradually lifted her head to speak again, "It's why I would like to... direct the research."

The Director's eyes lit up. "I think your input would prove a valuable asset in this matter. Your singular attention and obvious personal drive may be absolutely necessary. As, though the University will spend as much time as it can on the matter, it must still be run and focus on other emergencies as they arise. Additionally, we will need your help in mediating our aid to the people of Crudehook."

Daava shuffled a bit, as if she needed to say something, but then quieted down. She finally looked up and nodded. "Thank you."

The Director lifted up a talon and shook their head. "Please do not misunderstand--that was not my permission. Only my personal opinion as to the potential of your contribution."

Daava opened her mouth and furrowed her brow--looking mostly confused and frustrated. Not angry, though.

The Director continued, "The decision is necessarily up to Miss Lilly, here. While I think it would prove helpful, it will have the opposite effect if it is coerced or unwanted. You seem like a bright and concerned enough young person to understand this, of course, but I will warn you to avoid the potential pitfalls of zealotry toward your cause. You will have my full support in helping and perhaps even managing this matter... only if you have the enthusiastic consent of Miss Lilly. Given in private, at your own personal request."

All at once, Daava, Miss Frostberry, and Hyrranesus turned to face me. All the attention was... a lot for me. I found myself choking on my words and unable to think. Of course, I knew should help; it was the right thing to do, right? I thought so... and yet I also found the words of Aamalyn bouncing around in my head, that I needed to be agreeable if I ever wanted anyone to accept me. All of the sudden, this felt much less like a choice.

Before I could say anything, however, the Director stepped in front of me and faced the others. They said, "And I believe, we should allow her to think on the matter for a moment. To make sure that this is something she is truly willing to do. If we are to set upon this route, she will be sacrificing time and energy. We will be needing to direct her classes, and potentially enforcing a very rigid routine to get her healing magic to full potency. It is not a request for which we can expect an immediate answer or a light one."

I took a few breaths, though this did little to help. I didn't know what I was going to do. For them to completely take over my schedule and my life was a lot... especially given that I had only barely arrived to a world that was entirely new to me.

On the other hand... Daava was kind. And if her people were getting really sick... with a sickness that we humans had brought... I did genuinely want to help.

The Director turned to face me. "I am sorry that we cannot remove the natural pressure of current circumstances from your decision. If it will help, however, remember that this healing property is inherent to you. If you give in to pressure just to be agreeable and then find yourself miserable, your magic will not be enhanced and you will not be able to help. In fact, you may find that the only hope you have of helping is to stop listening to any of us and to do what is right for you. So listen to your own emotions and feelings are telling you."

Oh no... I hadn't even considered my motivations. Was I just trying to be agreeable because I was scared of being alone, like Aamalyn had said? The truth was that it genuinely having to be my decision made it somehow worse. It meant I couldn't just mindlessly agree to do what was expected of me. Even if I went with the easy choice, I could still fuck everything up. I felt nauseous.

And what of agreeing to let Daava direct the entire course of my studies for me. Was my real fear of saying yes that I would fuck it up? That people would put their faith in me, only for me to let them down. Was I just too afraid of the pressure that I was experiencing, right now? Honestly... it did feel like threat to the feelings of calm I had begun to experience for the first time in my life.

A sour feeling in my stomach gave me my answer. In the end, no matter which option I chose, it felt like I was making it because I was scared. What I was doing now was trying to decide which option scared me less. And ultimately, I was mostly scared of the idea of continuing to be scared because of the decisions I made here and now. I was terrified that my fear could impose itself on this world and make it like the one I had been fortunate enough to escape.

"How about we give these two a moment to speak about the matter?" Hyrranesus said.

"Thanks," I whispered and forced a smile.

The Director followed Hyrranesus and Miss Frostberry out of the room. At that point, it was only Daava and me left in the room. We both kind of just stared noncommittally at various corners of the room. Even though we had gotten along before, and perhaps even been on the way to being friends, the awkwardness of the situation had definitely put up a bit of a barrier between us.

After a minute or two, it was Daava who visibly swallowed and then spoke. "I feel like I could empower your healing magic, if you would let me. I could focus on scheduling things, and getting feedback from you, and..." She paused and grimaced. Instead of continuing, however, she rolled up a sleeve of her back robe and revealed her three fingers--with a red polka-dot ring.

The polka-dots were the same pattern as mine; they meant that she was an experimentalist. I supposed that made sense with how her magic didn't seem to have any theme that I could identify... unlike the red fabric and water-based magic I'd just witnessed, which seemed thematic to Miss Frostberry and Hyrranesus respectively. The red coloration, however, meant that Daava wanted to play a dominant role in her interactions with others. And she was showing me because... well, I wasn't entirely certain.

Daava made a grumbling noise, one I knew from having taught children to mean that she was experiencing anxiety at not being able to communicate as effectively as she wanted. She flapped one of her arms tensely, seeming as nervous as I felt. Her reaction made sense; this all meant something to her. She felt like the weight of the lives were on her shoulders... and probably like she was the only person who truly cared. Fuck, she was so much braver than I could ever be.

Finally, Daava peered at me and really studied me for a moment. Then, with a moment's hesitation, she said, "You don't seem disinterested. You seem..."

"Scared," I blurted out, barely above a whisper. I folded my arms across my breasts and turned away, feeling ashamed and embarrassed. I knew I wasn't well... and that this would not have been a difficult decision for anyone whose mind wasn't on the edge of fracturing.

It seemed to take Daava a moment to process this. Finally, she faced me directly and put her ring finger over mind. "Just trust me... and I'll do the rest."

I clenched my jaw, unsure whether I could... trust anyone like that. I'd trusted in the missions of others before. I had been an unknowing pawn in my parents' religious scams for fake charities. I'd spent years pursuing the dream of my partner to become a doctor. Both times only to be left discarded and abused. Until I was a shell of who I'd once been--working online, too afraid to leave the house.

Daava drew in breath as if to speak, paused momentarily, bit her bottom lip, and then finally said, "I'm not asking for you to be mine... or to save my village. We barely know each other, and I would expect that you would engage sexually with others here, like any student would. But, if you would let me, I would do my best to make you feel all the pleasure and gain all the power you could. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, it's on me. And I'll make sure that the school will let you take an extra year for all the studies you might have missed."

I looked at her, trembling enough to be embarrassed for how it clearly showed.

Daava grunted uncomfortably and seemed to have to force her next words. "And also, I'm glad it was you. I uhm... well I enjoy you..." She looked at the ground for a moment and then extended her clawed hand toward me.

I felt my cheeks grow warm as I processed all that she was saying, and what she was trying to say. But did I feel the same? I looked into her eyes and stared for a moment. At first, the rush of eye-contact like this made my head spin a bit. But when that stopped, I tried to figure out what I felt.

In the silence, something happened.

Daava narrowed her eyes and, for a moment, all of her awkwardness was gone. Before I knew what I had done, I found that I had placed my hand in hers. This wasn't magic... but something else. Daava gently pulled me down to my knees so that she was just a bit taller than me even with her shorter stature. She ran her claws gently through my curly brown hair... and trailed her way down to my neck. She grabbed my head--gently but with a firm grip--and pulled me close.

For just a moment, my body stopped trembling. My terror was replaced by heat... desire for her. A different kind of fear, a... fun kind that made me want to find out what came next. It was like what I had felt when I'd been locked in the pillory. There was curiosity, excitement, and yet a sense of safety I hadn't felt in a long time.

Daava's hot, humid breath moistened my ear as she said, "Thank you." She released me and stepped back. Her demeanor changed back to the friendly one I had known before, and she smiled at me. The uncomfortable energy between us was gone now--replaced by our previous dynamic, as well as something new.

What the hell had just happened?