"Busted!"
Dan put down the controller of the Playstation but it was clearly too late.
"Hey!" he protested. "I'm packed, I've tidied up, I'm allowed to relax."
"So why the guilty conscience?" Emma asked, closing the front door of their flat behind her.
"Okay, maybe I'm not totally packed," he admitted. "But never mind that: did you get everything from the Post Office?"
"Yep," said Emma, lifting the multiple packages she'd collected. "Just in time."
"And there are some new bikinis in there?"
"Yep," repeated Emma, her smile growing. "Bikinis and a few other things. But don't think I haven't noticed you trying to change the subject. And because you promised - promised! - you would be packed when I got back, I'm not going to model them for you now."
A whirl of emotions flooded Dan. He'd half expected his girlfriend to return empty handed; he couldn't quite believe she'd actually gone on an internet spending spree for sexy swimwear. Emma usually wore a one piece and he'd had to cajole her into branching out for their holiday. At first he'd made it a joke: "Ali said we were only allowed one suitcase so we have to pack light."
Emma had arched an eyebrow and ignored him. But Dan had planted the seed in his own mind and it had taken root. He realised he really wanted to see his gorgeous girlfriend in some more revealing swimwear.
"Come on, babe, it's the south of France, not the local leisure centre. Maybe a couple of bikinis would make it more fun."
"For who?" Clearly the seed had not been planted for Emma.
"You don't have to wear them at the beach. Ryan's parents' place has a pool, right? You could just wear them there. No one would see."
"Ryan would see!"
"So your boyfriend, your best friend and your best friend's boyfriend. You wouldn't exactly be on public display."
"Okay, okay, I get it, I'm a prude."
Dan immediately backed off, sensing danger.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Your body, your choice," he said, drawing her into a hug. "But you've got a great body! I totally get why you usually wear a one-piece but it's going to be absolutely boiling over there and being on holiday is a chance to relax and be free."
"No, I'm the one who should say sorry," she said into his shoulder. "It's totally bloody normal to wear a bikini. I know that. But you know my hang ups. I just find it hard to relax when people are gawping at me."
The problem - and this very much depended on how you looked at it - was her boobs.
Emma had a classic English girl next door quality: tallish, lean frame, green eyes, rosy skin, long brown hair. A classic English girl next door quality... provided you lived next door to Lucy Pinder. Because, much to her chagrin, Emma had a phenomenal pair of breasts. It was a fact she had tried to escape from all her life and baggy cardigans, unflattering flannel shirts and sports bras had got her a long way to physical anonymity but even the most functional Adidas swimsuit laid her bounty bare. Covered completely up to her throat with her boobs compressed by padded black material, Emma's silhouette was still enough to turn heads.
As for when they were set free...
Dan remembered the first night she'd pulled off her oversized sweater and he'd unhooked her bra, allowing her extraordinary breasts to spill out. But 'spill' wasn't even the right word; they sat just as high, the bra seemingly camouflage rather than support. His mouth had gone completely dry, his dick completely hard.
After they had met, Dan had once come across a description of breasts as 'retrousse' in a book he was reading. This was in an allegedly highbrow novel but French made everything seem more classy. When he'd looked it up, he'd realised it meant the same as the more prosaic ski slope breasts. More Googling had led him to the perfect ratio: 45/55. 45 percent of the breast above the nipple, 55 percent below with the nipple pointing upwards at roughly 20 degrees. Dan had always been a humanities man but this was the sort of science he could get on board with. And Emma combined the magic ratio for 'beckoning breast' with sheer mass.
In short, her breasts were a miracle of nature and one that it seemed he had finally persuaded her to share with the world. Or, at least, a small subset of the world in the South of France. Although, Dan reflected, it might be more accurate to say Ali had persuaded her.
Ali was a petite and frankly stunning British-Chinese woman on the same life sciences research fellowship as Emma at Imperial. The pair had quickly progressed from colleagues to confidants to best friends. Dan often wondered what it was like in the lab: a sea of geeks and then this pair of sexy scientists with an intimidating combo of brains and beauty. But besides being aware of her unavoidable hotness, Dan didn't know Ali that well as the journey between their flats was really annoying so mostly the girls hung out after work or went into town. It was after one such night out last week that Emma appeared home just as Dan was starting to get worried.
"I thought you were just going to have a couple. You must have stayed till last orders." He tried not to sound like a scold but Emma was oblivious.
She grinned and plonked herself down on the sofa next to him. Her body language definitely suggested she'd made full use of the bar.
"Sorry, dad," she said, giving him a wet kiss on the cheek. "You know how it is. One thing led to another. We were talking about the holiday and, you know, stuff and time got away from us."
"Ah," said Dan. "
Stuff
."
"Yes, stuff, you bastard," she said, launching herself onto him. "Now stop taking the piss and get me a G and T."
"It's almost midnight! And do you really need another? We've got work tomorrow."
"Fiiiiiiiiine, you can rub my feet instead," she said, dumping her legs in his lap. "Anyway, you know you were talking about getting some bikinis for the holiday?"
Dan did know. He quickly started rubbing her sweaty little feet.
"Ali said the same thing as you."
Dan made a mental note to buy Ali a pint.
"Oh yeah?" he said, trying to sound nonchalant.
"She's just bought some new ones."
"Oh yeah?" he repeated.
"She showed me the pictures and sent me the links. They are a bit different to my swimwear. A
lot
smaller."
"Oh yeah?" he repeated again, mouth slightly drier.
"
Yeah
, Oscar Wilde. Anyway, I asked if she felt embarrassed wearing them. She said she felt like a goddess. Wow! I was so, like, jealous and proud of her. She was so confident of herself as a woman that it made me feel a bit silly. And then she started buttering me up." Emma blushed. "Like, I know I've got quite a nice body. But she was, um, a bit saucy. Well, pretty filthy actually. God, you should have got me that G and T; I'm getting all embarrassed and flustered just thinking about it. Basically Ali said it would be a crime against nature to keep this bodacious bod under wraps."
That's another pint for Ali, thought Dan.
"So yeah, peer pressure works. I've bookmarked those links." Emma paused. The corner of her mouth quirked; she knew she was about to be naughty. "Besides, its not fair, is it? You'll be getting an eyeful of Ali in her bikini so what about poor Ryan?"
"I thought you didn't want poor Ryan to get an eyeful?" Dan raised a questioning eyebrow.
"I didn't. I mean, I don't. What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Do you want an eyeful of Ali?"
"I want an eyeful of you." Dan mentally high fived himself for his quick thinking; he couldn't wait to see Ali in a bikini.
Emma smiled. "That can be arranged."
They had both been naked within minutes. They hadn't even gone into the bedroom, just made love right there on the sofa he was currently sat on. He owed Ali a pint for that too.
"Come on, let's finish packing," Emma said, breaking him out of his reverie and waggling one of the packages at him. "I promise these won't take up much space."
***
"It's such an annoying time for a flight," moaned Dan as he heaved their suitcase up the stairs of the tube. They might have packed light but the case was still bloody heavy.
"Since the alternative meant being at Stansted at 4am, I'm gonna say there were more annoying possibilities."
"But you basically lose the whole day to travelling this way."
"Oh, I'm sorry, did you have big plans today? Maybe playing on your Playstation?"
"Okay, okay, I'm moaning, I know. I just hate travelling."
"No one likes travelling," said Emma, ruffling his hair as they reached the platform. "But the tube journey will be over soon and we will be on the train and then the train journey will be over and we will be at the airport and then the plan journey will be over and we'll have arrived. A week's accommodation in the South of France for free!"
"You're right," said Dan with a smile. And she was. Before he knew it - and with only a bit more lugging of suitcases - they were at Stansted and were heading smoothly through security.