My wife Barbara, a trim 35-year-old, had informed me that morning of a poolside party she was throwing for four of her friends and she wanted me to "stay out of the fuckin' way".
I do what Barbara, a brunette real estate millionairess with a stunning 36-24-36 figure, tells me. I'm five years her junior and a personal trainer, but I've got no doubt who runs our home – and it sure as hell ain't me!
Barbara sells palaces around Beverly Hills that are homes for the mega rich, and while I work for some of those affluent people, a glance at our pre-nup agreement should leave you in no doubt as to who's the boss in our house!
On the morning of the party, I arranged towels by five recliners, as Barb had told me four guests were expected. I checked that the poolside fridge was freshly stocked with wine, beer and soft drinks, then made myself scarce.
As it was a stinking hot summer's day, I settled down in the den with a filthy magazine, wearing just a little thong. As I say, I'm a personal trainer and I practice what I preach. I've got a trim, well-muscled body, all over tan, and I've got a pretty trim muscle down there, even though I do say so myself. It's just under nine uncut inches and I've never had any complaints.
Not that I put it about, since although my wife is the boss, the once-a-month sex session she allows me is always sensational.
Soon sounds of women's laughter came from poolside and I decided to creep upstairs and look down on the scene – a little look never did anyone any harm, right? Wrong – but I wasn't to know that.
In our large bedroom, I could peep down on poolside. Our pool is totally secluded. We live at the top of one of those Beverly Hills ridges and no one can look down on us.
By the pool, I could see Barbara, of course, wearing a sexy little red bikini and high heels. Her four guests were all similarly dressed – itsy-bitsy bikinis and high heels, a combination that really turns me on!
Anyway, I was peeping down, when out the corner of my eye I spotted a bunch of women's underwear on the bed – they'd obviously changed up here before going down poolside. I checked out a nice pair of black satin panties, just a quick sniff. Oh shit, they smelled good! Then I picked up a little red thong.
As you will have guessed by now, that was what got me into trouble. I placed the lovely black pair on my face, then pulled down my thong, stepped out of it and rubbed the little red item over my swiftly rising cock.
Well, time flies when you're having fun, as they say, and I must have let my mind wander because the next thing I knew, I heard a voice I was very familiar with barking at me like a machinegun going off.
"And what the fuck do you think you're doing?" snapped my wife, who had crept up just behind me. I hadn't even seen her leave poolside!
I spun round and stammered: "Er, I, well, you see ..." Then my voice trailed off.
Barbara was glaring at me, her fists bunched on her hips, her lovely tanned figure gleaming, her 36-inch breasts heaving.
"Oh shut the fuck up, you stinking pervert," she snapped, "it was a rhetorical question. I can fuckin' well see what you're doing, you disgusting piece of shit."
I began to remove the black satin panties from my face, but was halted by Barbara's staccato command: "You can leave them on your face, and keep that fuckin' thong on your cock, mister. I want them both in place when I show you off to the girls, you perverted little cunt, you!"
I tried to protest, but when Barbara's pissed you don't win, so I shut up.
"Get yourself downstairs, you arsehole," she yelled, grabbing me by the ear and twisting it. "I had come up for a piss, but you've got me so pissed off I'm going to pee on you, you pathetic bastard!"
And that was how I was marched off down to the poolside, where my emergence from the downstairs lounge onto the large deck above the pool attracted a sudden, stunned reaction from the four ladies, sitting around on recliners enjoying drinks.
"Look what I found upstairs, girls," called Barbara, as she led me down to the quartet. "My husband Tom – he's fuckin' aptly named because I found him upstairs perving on you, and look what he's wearing!"