I've always been a very shy person, unlike my siblings who were very gregarious and outgoing. So it came very much as a bolt out of the blue when I broke the news that I had proposed to a girl, beating them to it. They couldn't quite believe where I'd mustered up the courage from, and to tell you very frankly neither could I.
Maybe it was FOMO or the stress at work, maybe my adolescent fantasies seeking closure. When my friends teased me initially about her I tried my best to push her away, but it's only when I learnt she was going away did I realize how much I was going to miss her, and if I didn't take heart now I'd regret it for the rest of my life. Physically she was pretty plain to look at, but intellectually she towered over the rest; I always had expressly stated my preference of brain over body; and maybe I was starting to believe it too.
Even though we had informed our parents, and received their informal consent, I still felt awkward to even hold her hand. It was like I was in touching distance of the finishing line, yet refused to breast the tape. All our dates were initiated by her, and I very reluctantly went along.
That didn't mean that I was a prude. Ever since I came of age, rubbing one out was a nightly ritual without which I couldn't get any sleep. Though I was still a virgin, I had spilled enough of my seed for an entire clan to flourish if only it found its mark. My lustful thoughts were still going strong though outwardly I professed a disinterest in all things sexual. But to be very frank, I never harbored any sexual attraction towards her, and also was a proponent of the old fashioned belief that making love had to wait till we were married.
But love has ways that you cannot quite comprehend, and I slowly began to notice things about her that I hadn't earlier. On a picnic to a waterfall with a group of friends, I found myself stealing surreptitious glances towards her in a bid to get a glimpse of some female flesh, when she was changing behind a makeshift booth made up of towels held up by the other girls to protect their modesty.
On another trip she had worn sweat pants that not only clung to the curves of her behind, but I thought I discerned the outlines of a camel toe up front as well, making me strip her naked in my mind during the nighttime masturbatory sessions. Though the guilt did follow later like a shadow, there was no way I could put off the pleasure that preceded it.
Living at different ends of town after a date she'd insist I'd leave her back home. On the scooter ride, citing safety concerns I'd request her to sit akimbo instead of sidesaddle, enjoying the sensation of her breasts squishing against my back and her perfume wafting across as she held me tight.
After a couple of years of dating we had a formal engagement, andΒ having got my temporary license I couldn't hold back any longer. The pressure was building up below, and taking myself in hand was not helping to relieve those urges, rather increasing my desperation. If not all the way, I at least had to make a start to round up all the bases before we got hitched.
One afternoon we were alone at her home, the rest of the family having gone out for a function. She looked particularly alluring in a blouse with wide sleeves that afforded me flashes of the bra within, whenever she lifted her arms. I couldn't hold back anymore, and mustered up the courage to tell her that I was feeling sexually attracted to her and whether she'd allow me to touch her and feel her up.