Growing up had been very different for me than what, I realised later, was normal for most children. My only sister, Kay, was twelve years older than me and I had hardly known her as she left home when I was only seven and I did not meet up with her again until I was twenty-five. I was therefore the only acknowledged child of elderly parents. There had been a family rift between my father and her and, because of what he considered she had done wrong, (Quite incorrectly as it turned out) she was never spoken of in our house again. I know my mother did try and keep in touch and very occasionally she spoke to me of her, but mum died when I was 10 and my father would not even directly acknowledge to me that Kay ever existed.
My life had been one of total control by my father. If he said I was not permitted to do something it would not be done. After mum died he appeared to become even stricter and his answer for not letting me do any of the things “all the other kids of my age did” was that he did not want me going astray as most of the other kids do. This was an indirect way of saying to me that he did not want me to be like my sister – although it was not too clear exactly what she had done. I got the impression he had not consented to her being married and she had just gone and done it – with mum’s permission I think – and had therefore become some sort of fallen woman in his eyes. Anyway that was not going to happen to me!
When I finished secondary school I went to work and studied part-time at the poly. Tech to get an accounting qualification. This caused some concern as I was out at night, but there was the fact that I was getting a qualification and there was a close check kept on the time I arrived home. I had no real friends and no social life. I was permitted to go to the local tennis club to play and I think that this was only because he had been a keen player in his earlier years and he still had friends to “spy on me” when I was there.
At work I kept very much to myself but was aware that I was a much-valued employee – perhaps because of this fact. I travelled back and forth on the same bus each day and kept house for my father, who was getting alder and frailer.
When I was twenty-two, a chance event changed many things in my life. One evening, after a beautiful fine day, and with no warning, there was a torrential downpour just about knock off time at work. Nobody had coats or umbrellas and I got quite wet just getting to the bus stop. While I was standing there waiting for the bus, a car stoped and the driver beckoned for me to get in. I recognised the driver as a colleague from the same company that I worked for – also an accountant – and another quiet and rather shy person. I hesitated but thought what a nice treat it would be to be drive home on such a night.
I scrambled into his car, pleased to get out of the wet, and he asked where I was going. I gave him the address and we drove of – in an awkward silence for a time – until we introduced ourselves, rather formally, (David was his name), and just started to chat about nothing in particular. When we arrived at my home he pushed aside my thanks and my protests that I could run inside with out his getting out and getting wet, and leapt out to open my door and, holding his umbrella over me, took me right up to my door. My father opened the door and, to my surprise, immediately invited David I to have a cup of tea and stand by the fire to get dry. I went to my room to change and when I came out again I found the two of them chatting away like great friends.
When David left father commented on how nice David was and how he had been immediately impressed by his manners and how he had helped me out of his car and up to the door. He also noted what a sensible car he had and what a pleasure it was to meet such a nice person “in this day and age” etc etc etc. He was really taken with David and he also played tennis and many other little matters that he had picked up in just a few minutes conversation and which I had not found out in the drive home.
It turned out that David did not live too far from me and when he suggested that I might travel to and from work with him (a big saving in bus fares and time I might add) I agreed – and father had no objections either!
Gradually we started playing tennis together and sort of dating – pictures and so on – until about a year later David asked me, a little to my surprise, if I would mind if he were ask my father if we could marry. I was sort of old fashion in the way he expressed it, and very proper. I think he wondered if I wanted that, as we had never done anything extraordinarily passionate – just walked hand in hand (or more often arm in arm) with little more than a polite kiss (peck) when we met or parted. I think he somehow understood father’s attitude (he had heard a little about Kay) and also realised that I was not likely to make any sexual overtures and would not expect him to. I had to stop and think a bit because I had not been aware of the developing relationship – rather I had seen David as a nice person who had been very pleasant company and enabled me to get out a bit with my father’s full agreement. Marriage, and, as I thought about later, all its other attendant features, had not been on my mind. All rather odd when I look back – just goes to show what effect your environment can play in your own attitudes to life.
I agreed to David “talking to father” but with some doubts, as I was worried that it might effect out friendship and that father would start sounding off about my being “just like my sister and all those other hussies out there.
I sat in my room, pretending to read, while David spoke to him and when father called me out I was fearful of what might have happened. They were both still in the room when I came out and father looked quite stern as he said, “David tells me he wishes to marry you. Is it your wish to marry him?” I wanted to say “Yes” but was still worried about the possible reaction. Both of them stared at me in silence and I plucked up courage and muttered, “Yes”. With that they both grinned and father came and hugged me – for the first time since my mother died – and stood back shaking David’s hand and then putting my in his. David gave me a quick kiss and father patted him on the back and all was fine. Except!!
