"I missed you at my party," Desiree said with a hint of annoyance.
"I'm sorry. I couldn't make it," I said. I didn't tell her that my parents forbade me to drive on New Years Eve, fearing for my safety. "But I really wanted to be there," I added, hoping to emphasize how just how much I really did regret missing it.
Desiree and I had struck up something of a friendship. She had come over to purchase some jewelry from me on her break a few months earlier and, even then, I sensed it was merely a pretense for conversation. She was my shoulder to cry on when my girlfriend left me for the schlep who worked in the record department, who, as it turned out, had been previously dating Desiree. I was about to find out that that was not the sort of relationship she had had in mind.
"Is there something wrong with me?" she asked. "Something about me you don't like?" I was dumbfounded. "I mean, I realize I don't have a perfect body—my boobs are too small and my butt is too big—but does that rule me out in your book?" She stared at me expectantly, waiting for my answer.
In all honesty, yes, her too big butt and too small boobs had, up until today, been a stumbling block for me. But I certainly wasn't going to admit that. Furthermore, I had always thought her face was absolutely Helen-of-Troy beautiful, and had fantasized about her, despite her other physical shortcomings. Instead, I decided to admit that my parents wouldn't let me go. It might make me look weak, but at least it would deflect her suspicions that I didn't like her.
"I really did want to be there," I said with as much earnestness as I could muster, "but my parents wouldn't let me drive. They were afraid I'd get hit by a drunk driver."
"Really? That's your excuse? That's pretty weak." I was about to protest that it was the truth, but she cut me off.
"I'm going to make you an offer good for this moment only." Her intensity was startling. "I know my ass isn't up to your standards—I know how much you drool over Gloria's tight little bum—but I am willing to offer what I have to you without reservations. I will make all your dirty sexual fantasies come true as much as it is within my power. But there are strings. You fuck me, you own me. No givebacks, no kicking me to the curb." She was so nervous she was shaking. I was flabbergasted.
"I absolutely accept!" I said without hesitation. I knew that any hesitancy on my part would make her think that I had to mull it over. I mulled alright, but it only took me a nanosecond to conclude that I'd be an idiot to pass up her offer. She was right. I had always kind of looked askance at her body, despite her having the face of an angel, but her physical shortcomings were minor in comparison to her willingness to indulge my sexual appetite. I had always made myself out to be something of a playboy, and I did date steadily, but I was not a playboy and was relatively inexperienced sexually.
"Really?" she sounded surprised. Perhaps she didn't expect me to take her up on her offer. Maybe she didn't really think she would have to deliver the goods.
"I'm a bit thickheaded," I explained. "I have always kind of known that you liked me, and I have thought about asking you out. I really was thrilled about your party and was so upset to have missed it. But I had no idea that you liked me enough to offer . . . yourself this way." I touched her hand. "I am loyal to a fault. It will be you and me forever." I heard myself say "forever" and I wondered if I was promising more than I could deliver. I know I was caught up in the moment and I have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve.
"Jake, I am so thrilled!" she said, hopping excitedly. "Nervous, but thrilled," she gushed. "My parents are out of town this week at a conference. I have the house to myself. Can you come over after work? I can make you dinner."
