Chapter Three:
Brace Yourself
Classes had gone predictably poorly for me that Monday. I spent most of my time trying to make sure that my mouth was closed, afraid to open up and reveal to the others that I had been suited with braces over the weekend. In many ways it was an easy feat to accomplish; I didn't have many friends and none to speak of that would seek me out unless I made the first effort, so it wasn't a challenge for me to slink to the sidelines during lunch, or make sure that between classes I was snugly hidden away on the very outskirts of the halls. At a private school of the sort I attended, pretty much everyone dressed alike. A sea of pressed dress slacks for the boys and pleated skirts for the girls; hundreds of white dress shirts with a blue accessory if the student felt like standing out. It was a bit bland to look out over our student body, unless someone had a thing for finely dressed Catholic boys or schoolgirls with skirts that rose just above their knees. Then, well...then it was a delight to see, I imagine, but from my perspective after so many years it was a bit boring. And more than boring, everyone had a unified look, meaning anyone that was a little different from that nearly robotic lineup would be descended upon like a fish in the middle of a shark tank.
When I was just starting out in school, that identifying marker was my glasses. Thick lenses even as a child, I had a hard time seeing straight without them. As we all grew up and the other students learned a thing or two about different races, being Japanese was enough to single me out. Dark hair, almond eyes, fairly pale skin...I didn't look like the rest of them, in a very noticeable fashion. Those prejudices faded in time though, and the novelty of the Asian girl in class only came up when a new student arrived and wanted to pick on her to make themselves cool. That hadn't happened in a while, and I was starting to think that I'd be able to get through my senior year without incident, and could safely blend into the shadows and ignore all that nonsense until I graduated.
But as I walked the halls that day, I knew that wasn't going to be the case. The stigma of glasses went away as more students grew up and needed them. The prejudice against the Asian girl faded as kids grew up and realized that it was okay to be from a different culture. But one shame that would never fade, that would never go away?
Having braces when you were eighteen years old.
I was terrified of revealing it, and so my mouth remained knit shut tight throughout the day. Disappointing, considering how much I had recently learned that I enjoyed opening it. As I mentioned, it wasn't an issue with avoiding friends, but what truly set the tone for the day was my classes. I couldn't raise my hand to be first to answer, nor could I put my teachers through a litany of follow-up questions about the assigned homework. Several of them asked if I was all right, and I just nodded and smiled, eager to move on and get to my next lost opportunity. My mouth had ached throughout almost the entire day thanks to the braces, and I was very, very eager by the time the final bell came to be able to head home.
I hadn't had class with Mr. Poln that afternoon; my history lessons were replaced with a study hall on Mondays, and at the time I had considered that a blessing. I wouldn't have to sit through his class gazing at him, shifting in my seat and wondering if he'd be mad that my mouth wasn't in fitting condition for after class. Not that it didn't stop me from worrying about it, but it was easier not having to see him. But when the bell rang and the other students started to head home, I knew that I owed Mr. Poln at least a visit, and I made my way to his classroom at the end of one of the halls. I had barely made it halfway down the hall before the janitor shut the lights off for the night, leaving the hallway lit only by the emergency lightning and what sun was able to slip in through the blinds along the walls.
I loved school after hours; I always found it peaceful and relaxing. To take a place that was usually so full of noise and chaos, to strip it down to something calm and quiet was wonderfully refreshing. I took my time walking to Mr. Poln's office, one of my hands holding my bookbag over a shoulder, and the other idly stretched out, letting my fingers dance across the cold metal of the line of lockers. I wasn't in a hurry, but I also wasn't delaying unnecessarily. My pace was casual, and hinging somewhere in between timid and excited, a state Mr. Poln seemed to have a tendency to place me within.
I idly licked my tongue across the metal of the braces on my teeth, something I could already tell was becoming a nervous habit. As I moved to the front of his office and put my hand on the doorknob, I took a deep breath, steadying myself before opening up and slipping inside.
"Kim." Mr. Poln's voice greeted me as soon as I slipped inside, and my eyes passed over the dimly lit history room over to his desk. He was leaning back in his chair, making marks against a clipboard, while a nearby cup of coffee sat, filling the room with a freshly brewed scent. My eyes fell on my teacher, still finding him as handsome as I did before our interactions started, before he had begun helping himself to my body. For the first time since Friday I saw his strong jawline, and those experienced fingers that had so expertly brought me to a climax in his car. I tensed for a moment, the memories flooding back, but before too long I managed to force a nod, and address my teacher in kind.