They say you never forget your first and I'd imagine that's not only true to myself and while time passed and love left, I still remember. And right now, I feel like sharing that memory with you.
We had talked and grown closer through the past year. I found much of her to be so very alluring and enticing. She was much the innocent type and I was nearly her polar opposite. In my cruelty, I drew much pleasure in making her blush. Every time, I would tell her that she looked absolutely beautiful whenever she blushed, of course that only deepened it and I would chuckle in that mischevious manner of mine. Pressing her near in my accepting embrace, I was my usual suave and charming self.
I was not always that way, but it's not something I regretted showing her.
Eventually, we talked about bridging the gap of cyberspace and meeting somewhere IRL. I would have considered my place, but I knew my family would not accept her so I went to hers. We met and I talked, but I never let them in close. I was suspicious, guarded and I always frowned. Such was my way when I was around people I didn't trust and behind the closed door of my lovely, Dominique's room, I was another. I would smile and chuckle, I would open up and on as that first night loomed nearer, I asked her where I was sleeping.
In her own passive way, she told me there was a room made for me in the guest room, but that if I didn't want to, she thought there would be enough room for me in her room. Let me tell you, all reason and wit left me right there and I could not for the life of me think of a single pickup line or double entendre to utter. Instead I looked into her eyes and told her with that nervousness that wasn't normal for me, but seemed to happen all too often while in her company, "I think I'll just sleep in the guest room tonight".
So I nodded to her and she returned the wordless motion of agreement as I leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek. I left that room, silently frowning at my own fear and doubt. They didn't just stay in that room either, but followed me all the way to the guest room where I went to lay down and sleep. I could not sleep however and just kept thinking what a fool I was, here was the same girl for the past year, I would flirt with shamelessly and utter things to with a straight face over the net that would make strippers blush! Yet here I was in the guest bedroom, because I could not master my own fears and just make the first move. I think it was at that moment that I realized she really was the same person and that nothing needed to be different.
I didn't need to be fearful and so I wasn't as much. I got up, made my way back to her room and asked her if there was still room. She said that of course there was and I soon claimed that side of her bed. It was dark and the moon wasn't full, but I had always had a strange knack of seeing more during the night than others so I easily slipped off all of my clothing and met her under the covers wearing little but my trembling anticipations.
