First Steps 6

The University had just broken up for the summer and my daughter Katie was getting ready to spend most of it with her mother. We had Katie when we were probably too young and it hadn't worked out, although we got on well enough to be good parents in our little family. Katie had turned out to be a well-balanced young lady and great daughter, so we were both happy. She was doing well in Uni, had some good friends and the occasional boyfriend and worked part time jobs to help with the household bills.

I gave her a big hug and kissed her saying, "Give my love to your mother for me", then, "Don't forget to keep in touch."

She did a little eye roll then laughed, "I will," she smiled and said, "Love you Dad," hugging me and adding "See you in a few weeks." She broke her embrace, then seemed to remember something "Dad, Emma will be passing by at some point to pick up some books and stuff she left here, she still has your number so will probably message you to see if you are here." She embraced me again with a quick kiss and "Bye," she was gone.

The door closed and I did my best to stop the feeling of missing her as I knew she was in the best other place for her. I thought about Emma, her closest friend from Uni and study partner from the same course they were on. Both very pretty in a sporty way, Katie was a little taller than Emma and with a little more muscle. Both of them had their hair past their shoulders, Katie's a little lighter than Emma's dark brown. Both were almost shoulder height to me, which was the source of a bunch of Dad jokes, none of which they found amusing. They seemed to be really close and Emma spent a lot of time with us. I had a suspicion the two of them had bonded over their shared background, she also lived with Dad as she had sadly lost her mother when she was quite young. I sometimes got a little glimpse of the weight of that she must carry.

I headed to work and got on with the rest of my day when a message appeared on my phone from Emma asking when I would be in next. We arranged a time and I replied I'd see her then.

I returned and was just cleaning up after dinner when I heard a knock at the door, I answered.

"Hi Harry." Emma said and smiled as I invited her in.

She sat down and I made her something to drink. She was dressed in her usual sportswear attire, her hair in a ponytail, not unusual for that evening as she had football practice, usually with Katie as the two of them played for the University team. She looked a little distant and I asked her how things were going.

"Oh, you know. Summer holiday blues already. I took on a few more shifts at work and I plan to keep up with my study and fitness over the break," she replied.

"Any plans to get away?" I asked her.

"Sadly no, a couple of things I had hoped for fell through. I usually head away with my dad but we've not been getting on lately." She admitted.

"Nothing serious I hope," I said, a bit puzzled. Emma was clever, pretty and a hard working girl, I couldn't imagine where the conflict would be. She had been great company for Katie and a brilliant guest the many times she visited or stayed with us. I liked her a lot.

"He's got a new girlfriend and I think she's been a bit in his ear. He's been on at me about getting on in life, when in truth I'm not really started. I mean, I've got the Coffee place I work at and the deliveries I do, most of the time I'm there or here with Katie, so I don't really get in the way." She confided.

I could see I was getting into deeper waters and she was visibly a little upset. All I said to her was,"You can spend all the time here you need to if it gets too much, you know that."

She smiled and got up to give me a hug, a bit tighter than usual, more relief I thought. She said quietly "Thanks Harry, your so kind."

We mutually changed the subject, her asking me about my plans, me replying they were pretty much the same as hers which were work and catching up with a few friends.

"No lady friends?" she teased me. I shook my head and laughed in reply. It broke the mood.

She stayed for a while and grabbed a couple of bags from Katie's room then headed off. I was sad when she left as I had enjoyed her company.

I was at work the following day when I got a message from Katie saying she had arrived and all was well. We exchanged messages and I let her know about Emma's visit. She agreed that she could stay with us if things got too heavy at home. I was pleased that the two of them supported each other, even when miles apart. A day or so later I was in bed watching the news, when the phone pinged again. I was surprised to see another message from Emma, asking if I was still up. I replied I was and she followed up by calling me.

"Hey Harry, sorry to call so late." She said apologetically.

"No worries, everything alright?" I asked her.

She sounded a little shy and quiet when she replied, "Is..is it still alright to come over to yours for a bit? I just need to get out the house for a while."

I assured her, "Just grab what you need and head over, I'll leave the door unlocked for you. If you need a chat, just knock on my door."

"Thanks, see you in a bit," and hung up.

I heard her come in and was surprised when she just went straight to Katie's room and the house went still again. I gave her the space she obviously needed and drifted off for the night. I was woken by my alarm after a mixed bag of sleep and mad dreams. I got up, showered and got ready and as I sat for with a coffee contemplating the day, she appeared, dressed in her workwear for the Coffee place she worked in.

She yawned and said sleepily "Baristas and Postmen, morning shifts are rubbish."

I raised my cup and agreed with her, asking her how things were.

"Oh, sorry Harry. I meant to come in and say thanks last night, but I was exhausted." She replied, "Dad started on me when I got back yesterday, I don't want things to get out of hand with us so I told him I'd be here if he needed me."

"Is he okay with that?" I asked her.

"He just told me to keep in touch," she replied a little sadly, "He does love me, but there's a lot of pressure there. I think work is quite stressful for him just now with everything that's going on, I've tried talking to him, but he never opens up. I think as I've gotten older, I remind him more and more of Mum."

This was the first time she'd spoke of her mother with me, although Katie had filled me in on the details. All I said to her was "It can't be easy, maybe he needs a little time too."

She nodded slightly and said she was running late. I told her we would speak later, and I would cook us some dinner. She gave me another hug and out of habit I kissed the top of her head. She looked up and smiled "Thanks again Harry, see you later," as we both headed out.

On the way home I did a quick shop at the supermarket, and I was about halfway through getting our meal ready when she arrived back, saying a quick hello before heading into her room. She came out a short while later, having changed into more casual wear.

"Something smells good," she said as I busied myself.

"Pasta, homemade sauce with fresh salad." I told her, pointing to the bottle of red wine I'd gotten to go with it. "Open that if you want a glass."

She smiled then replied "Maybe later, I'm starving and need to get some food in me first." I shrugged and nodded toward the table, which she started to set up for us.

We ate and discussed the day and some other things that had been going on. As we discussed people we had caught up with, I looked at her and I was so grateful for the company. She seemed more engaging and animated than I had seen her in weeks and I wondered if the end of study and temporary change to her home life had caused some of the weight lift. I asked her about Uni.

She paused to think then replied "You know, I really need to try and enjoy this summer as the next two years are going to be tough." We discussed it in length as I knew what she had meant, having discussed the coming workload with my daughter.

She excitedly told me about a Park Run she had been planning to do with Katie in a few days at the weekend. Then she dropped the bombshell and asked if I was up for doing it with her instead.

I laughed and said to her, "You're kidding me on, I haven't run in years. At my age I'm more likely to have a cardiac event."

She reached over and gently laid my hand or my arm. I could feel her warmth as she said to me "Nonsense, you are in great shape with all the walking you do, just go at your own pace, that's the whole idea. I really like to try it and would love it if you would come with me," adding, "and you aren't that old." Winking at me.

"I'll think about it." I said, not wanting to disappoint her by ducking out.

We cleaned up and I asked her if she wanted to watch some TV with me as I wanted to watch a movie later. She accepted and headed for the shower. After she was done, I did the same then put on some shorts and a t-shirt that I wore to bed. When I got back, she was sitting on the sofa, dressed the same as me, with glasses and our wine. I opened it and poured two glasses, gave one to her, and then sat down next to her. She moved her legs and as she straightened out, I noticed just how smooth and lithe she was. She smiled and said thanks, as we settled down. We watched then discussed the news before picking a newish action film to watch. Part way through I felt her move as she put her head against my arm. I looked down and smiled, which she returned, as resumed watching. We lay like that for a while and finished our bottle, which I was now feeling as the tiredness crept in. I felt her stiffen a little and fidget then she came to some sort of decision then moved to look up at me.

"Harry?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yeah Emma, what is it?" I replied softly.

"Erm. Can...can I talk to you about some personal stuff?" she asked becoming a little tenser.

I put my arm around her to reassure her and she softened. "Anytime honey, don't be scared to ask. Your Dad?" I asked guessing.

She left out a relieved breath as she softened, then sighed. "Yes, and other stuff." Then," Maybe."

I played it cool as it must have taken a good effort for her to work up to this, maybe the wine had helped. "What about him?" I gently prompted her.

"I don't know how to go about fixing things with him, it's been pretty upsetting the last couple of months, now term is over, I've had to actually deal with it." She admitted.

"What do think the issue is?" I asked her.

Sighing again, "I think he just wants to see me get on, but I think he has some pretty funny ideas about me. He thinks I'm gay because I play on the women's team." She said.

"Emma, there's nothing wrong with you if you are, he should understand that. Can I ask you a personal question?" I asked her.

"Sure" she said, looking a little puzzled.

"Are you? I would have thought you would have had all that sorted out by now." I said to her.

She relaxed a little more then turned her head away from me, embarrassed. "I'm not, but in truth, I'm not anything yet. I've kissed girls and boys and I definitely prefer boys, if that even means anything." She said, opening up, "Although I've had bad enough experiences to put me off both."

"Why can't you just tell your Dad that then?" I replied.

"Oh, I could and I tried. I just don't want him to be disappointed in my lack of development, so I kind of skirt round it now. I guess I'm a little ashamed and fed up." She said quietly then continued looking back at me, "I feel kind of stuck."

I said to her quietly "Emma, there's nothing you can do that would disappoint him, he's probably worried you'll take a wrong turn and get hurt or worse. At your age I do worry about the situations you guys can get into. Believe me, I understand," then, "What happened that upset you?"

She was quiet then turned round to face me again, I hugged her a little tighter and she put her arm across my chest. "I had a drunken kiss with one of my teammates at a party and two of the other girls threatened to out me to the others. It was like being back in school, which was bad enough. In the end one of the other girls got a hold of them and told them to grow up. As for boys, they are all wrong." She said a little angrily.

"Hey" I said to her, trying to lighten the mood, "I'm part of the brotherhood too."

She laughed "Not you of course, I'm talking about the 'bros' my age."

Feeling a little deflated I asked her what happened.

"I went of a date with one of the guys from the men's team and we were at a house party. He introduced me as one of the ladies from the other side he was planning on converting." After that I got out of there, but it made it tense whenever I saw those guys. The other one was a guy from one of my other classes who I liked, but it turned out he was a real arsehole when he got a drink in him." She stopped and was thoughtful.

"What he do?" I asked, my hackles starting to rise.

"We were making out in my car and we both had our tops off, I asked him if he wanted to take my bra off, he replied "Will it make any difference?" Well, that killed the mood, the evening and any potential relationship." She said sadly. "So that's it, unloved and untouched, except by me."

"What a bunch of fucking idiots you seem to have run into," I said to her, feeling a rush of anger. I had dealt with a little of this with my daughter, but she had somehow managed to skate round the most of it. "Did you speak to Katie about any of this?" I asked her.

"Yeah, some of it and she been great, totally agrees with you. She encourages me to keep going but I don't see it being worth the hassle." Emma said. "I'm not sure if she knows all of it, I don't want to burden her with all my crap, she has her own stuff to deal with"

"I'm sure she would be willing to help, we both are." I reassured her. She smiled and hugged me tighter, our legs now touching. I continued, "I just think you need to be honest with your Dad, tell him you've had some bad experiences and you're not quite ready to go into any relationship just now. He will understand, if you feel uncomfortable about the times when his girlfriend is around, you need to let him know. You need to be looking out for each other."

She smiled and said softly, "You are right of course, thanks," then, "I'll try and speak to him in the next couple of days."

I asked her if she wanted another drink and we refilled our glasses, at the end of the film we were both feeling the effect and I took the chance to get her to open up a little more.

"Emma?" I asked her.

"Uh huh?" she replied a little sleepily.

"Still in a sharing mood?" I asked her.

"Maybe, why?" She replied.

"I'm curious what the 'other stuff' from earlier was," I asked.

"Oh that. I was just going to ask your advice on a couple of things, but I've lost my confidence a little now and I'm not so sure I want to go there." She said a bit more alert now.

I laughed a little, "Oh, now you absolutely have to tell me," I told her.

She giggled, "Okay big guy, I was going to ask you how I get to the next stage with guys. All they seem to be after is big tits, a face full of wedding makeup and a slightly more open attitude when it comes to all things vagina." She exclaimed, then, "None of which are really me."

"Well," I said asking her, "Do you trust me enough to get into that with you?"

This time she put her arm across my stomach and overlapped her leg with mine, I was enjoying the smoothness and the body warmth. I began to feel some stirrings of something I wasn't sure were appropriate.

She replied, "Of course I do, in fact let's make it interesting, quid pro quo." Challenging me.

"Sure," I said, "I'm a pretty open book, but you asked me remember."

Her boldness disappeared a little and she said, "I know."

I reassured her again I was kidding with her a little. I said, "Let's start at the beginning, where are you at with guys, or girls."

She went a little shy before replying "Nowhere really, let's just forget about the girls."

I looked at her, and then nodded to her arm and legs. "This doesn't like nowhere, curled up on a sofa with a man twice your age." She looked a little guilty then went to move but I stopped her. I reassured her, "I'm not complaining, it's been a wonderful evening and couple of days. I'm so glad you're here." I thought I'd maybe overstepped the mark and said to her, "Which is a little selfish as I know you needed to get some space away."

She laughed and rubbed my tummy. "I've enjoying it too." she looked at me, "Don't feel guilty, I'm exactly where I want to be." Then cuddled in a little tighter, "This is where I am with guys."

Slightly confused I asked her, "You were just talking about being in cars half undressed?"

She thought then said, "Nobody has seen me fully undressed, never mind touched me." She paused then added, "Not that I wouldn't have enjoyed that, but I've just never been in the right situation." Then she asked me, "How do you cope with being on your own?"

I blushed a little and said to her, "Can I tell you a secret and you won't think badly of me?"

She lit up a little and said, "Now it's you that absolutely have to tell me, everything."

I laughed and started, "I haven't had many girlfriends, but I do alright. I'm either too busy with work or rightly focused on Katie. The only regular person I see is from work, she always seems to make a beeline for me at work nights out. I can never figure it out."

Emma said, "Yeah, I think I remember seeing her leaving in the morning after Katie said you were out. All three of you seemed a bit sheepish about the whole thing. Where's the secret in that?"

"Patience dear girl," I said to her,"Well the secret is, she's married."

"Oh," she said, understanding.

"Oh indeed," I replied, "Turns out her husband works away and she has needs like anyone. I've tried to stop it but that genie refuses to go back in. It will put me in a right spot if it ever comes out so don't say anything to Katie, she doesn't know. Or at least pretends not to." Then I asked her, "Do you think badly of me?"

She thought before replying, "You, definitely not. Your cheating wife, definitely yes," as we both laughed. She quickly asked, "What do you the rest of the time?" She went red, realising after she had maybe gone too far. "Sorry," she said.

"You asked, I wank myself off, same as everyone. You?" I asked.

She went a little deeper shade or red, squirming a tiny bit, but still noticeable, then replied in a really quiet voice, "Same."

"Good." I said to her, "You need to, to keep sane. People get strange ideas when they let it build up."

She seemed to warm to the idea and became a little bolder. "How do you do it? I mean I know the mechanics, but I'm curious about the where and when and what sets you off." She asked.

"Usually in bed when I wake up in the morning or late if I can't get to sleep. Sometimes in the shower, the warmth and the sensation of the water feels nice." I thought, "Honestly, can be anything sets me off, thinking about previous times, a nice encounter with someone." I rubbed her leg, surprised as she moved it further across my lap, then "A nice pair of legs, even some porn sometimes."

She smiled and thought before admitted, "That almost the same for me, I like being in the shower too. I like the way guys look after they've worked out, sweaty. I don't like porn, from what little I've seen, it's just too aggressive."

"I suppose it can be," I agreed, "But, not all of it is. It's probably not a great plan to go searching for lots of it. That has its own problems."

She asked me, "You think I've got nice legs."

I squeezed her calf and patted her thigh, "You have great legs."

She seemed to beam a little and lifted it, giving it a little flex for me, "Something to think about later." Winking at me.