'Friends with benefits' conjures up various possibilities. Former lovers for whom the romance has faded, but the physical attraction remains. Acquaintances drawn together solely by lust. Perhaps two lonely souls, finding solace in the warmth of another's body while they await the arrival of their soul mate. Or something else.
Which brings me to my story, of me and Sarah. I'm your typical sophomore guy in college. Sarah was my neighbor from where we grew up, she 3 houses down from me. We went to the same schools, although she was one year behind. Now, Sarah is a nice girl, but no beauty -- skinny, with small breasts and a bony build. A face people usually called plain. We were friendly growing up, although more neighbors than friends. She traveled in her circle, and I in mine. But we ended up going away to the same college, where she's a freshman.
It's natural that people from the same town bond together when away at school. I'd see Sarah occasionally over a Coca-Cola, and we'd chat amicably enough about college and stuff. On this particular day, when we met, Sara was clearly glum.
"You are not your normal cheerful self," I observed. "Are you ok?"
She didn't respond immediately. Her silence gave me concern.
"If you're in trouble, I'll try to help. I won't tell your parents," I volunteered.
"It's not like that," she said.
More silence.
I let her take her time. Whatever it was, she'd have to want to reveal it.
"I'm a virgin," she said finally, in a low voice.
"That's not a problem," I said. "Congrats to you for waiting for the right guy."
"No, it's a problem. I didn't date much in high school, and the few guys who showed an interest, I never let go too far. But now I'm in college and I'm the only girl in my sorority who is a virgin. I'm a freak."
"Don't take this the wrong way," I offered, "but there are lots of guys who'd be happy to resolve that issue for you."
"I'm sure, but I'm not going to hurl myself at just anyone. I have some pride."
"Shouldn't you just wait for a guy you like a lot? And let things happen naturally," I suggested.
She shook her head. "My worry is that I don't know how to please a man. I'm afraid if I meet Mr. Right, I'll chase him away when he sees how clumsy and dorky I am."
She went on. "That's why I thought of you."
Huh?
"You're a decent guy, and we're friends. You could teach me. There'd be no obligation, I wouldn't expect flowers or dinners."
I was in shock. I looked at her. Small breasts, not pretty. Not someone I'd think to date.
"I'm sure that would be a mistake. You'd hate me afterwards," I said. I was thinking fast, trying to get out of this situation.
"No, it wouldn't be like that. I'd always appreciate your helping me. We wouldn't have to tell anyone. I don't have anyone else to ask," she said, and I almost thought she was on the verge of tears.
Oh my God. "I can't do it," I said.
"Please. I've never been at ease with guys. In truth, they frighten me. I need to get over this hurdle. Won't you help me?"
Now there
was
a tear forming in her eye. "I've made a fool of myself," she said.
"No, no, not at all," I was on the verge of panic. Could I tell her the truth?
She looked so miserable, I couldn't just reject her. I had to reveal my own secret.
"I can't teach you because I'm a virgin too," I said.
"What?
I couldn't look at her; I was so embarrassed. Here I was, 20 years old, and I've always been as clumsy and awkward with women as she was with men. It's ok for a girl to be a virgin (it's even celebrated.) But not so for a guy. It's the mark of a failure, one who has struck out with every woman he's met.
"That's perfect," she said.
"What?"
"We can learn together. Neither one of us has to be ashamed at our ignorance," she said. "I can help you too."
"This is crazy," I said. "So, we'd just meet and have sex? How would we even know if we're doing it right?"
"We can watch sex tapes together, and do what they do," she said.
"Sarah, I don't know. This is crazy."
"I know I don't have big breasts, but I'm told I have a great ass," she said, again with that tear forming on her eye.
I felt terrible that she felt the need to 'sell' herself. What kind of guy turns down a woman offering her body? Was I a horrible person?
"Well, maybe," I said.