My Honeymoon 1

My name is James and I am proud to say that we were both virgins when Bessie and I got married. As Bessie said "James, we don't want to jump the gun. Our marriage will be so much better if we wait".

Before Our Marriage

We decided that we didn't want to have children for the first 2 years of our marriage.

In those days the birth control pill was controversial. There were all sorts of false claims about the risks, Bessie decided not to take them until the health situation became clear. So I had to buy "rubber johnnies".

Back then buying condoms was a hush hush affair. I wasn't going to buy some in our village. I took the bus to the nearest town. I waited ages for the chemist to be clear of customers.

In my mind, chemists were somehow the guardian of morality. Buying condoms proclaimed to the chemist "I am single and I want to have sex. I am immoral". To lessen my guilt, I explained I was about to get married. It didn't make me feel any less immoral asking for the protective devices. I felt my face blushing.

I wasn't prepared for the question "What kind do you want?" nor for the tinkling of a bell that signalled a customer had entered. Worse, the customer was a respectable looking woman.

I pointed at the one in the middle, not wanting to appear ignorant to the chemist. I certainly did not want a discussion in case the woman heard what I was purchasing. The chemist, bless him, recognised the pain on my face and told the woman "Mrs Jones. I'm afraid your prescription won't be ready for a quarter of an hour. Do you want to come back?".

I suspected that the lady knew what I was going to buy. She left and the chemist informed me what each did. He recommended the one he used before his wife went on the pill. It shocked me that people could be so open to a stranger about using a condom. He also said "Your fiance should consider using the pill. It makes sex even more enjoyable for us both".

I never envisaged a respectable chemist enjoying sex. But then, after I had Sex Ed lessons, I had difficulty thinking that my parents had sex. Now I was burdened with the idea that my parents actually enjoyed it.

Stag and Hen Nights

On my stag do, my friends made ribald remarks about finally "hiding the salami" and "pole and hole". One of them then stretched the joke to say about the married couple from Warsaw where it was "Pole pole and Pole hole". In our drunken state it was hilariously funny and we all laughed. I suppose it's true that "little things please little minds". And men out at a stag do are not noted for their intellectual abilities.

On her hen night Bessie's friends gave her a flower with no petals. It was their joke about her about to be deflowered. Bessie felt it demeaned her. She had however taken it in good grace. Bessie threw it into the bin as soon as she left the other women to get a taxi home. I thought that this was rather clever. I would have kept the deflowered flower. It seemed to me to be a sweet present.

Travel To The Honeymoon

We had our honeymoon in Benidorm. It meant an early morning 5 30 am flight. We needed to be at the airport 2 hours before the flight. My Bessie wanted to make that 3 hours. She didn't want a traffic delay to ruin our honeymoon.

Gatwick airport is an hour's drive from where we live and got married. We couldn't drive as it was our wedding reception. So a friend stayed on soft drinks.

Just before midnight we left the reception and went up to a hotel bedroom. I sat on the bed and watched Bessie. She undressed slowly and stood before me in only her bra and pants. I helped her to take them off. She was astonishingly beautiful. I felt her naked breasts and ran my hands through her bushy pubic hair. We kissed passionately.

Still naked she removed all my clothes. She held my penis in her hand and studied it. If we had more time, deflowering would have taken place. But we only had time to shower. Unfortunately the shower wasn't big enough for 2 people. Bessie showered first and, as I showered, put on her make up and got dressed. I was disappointed not to see Bessie au natural together in the shower.

But I got a thrill from being naked with her in the same room.

Less romantically Bessie said "don't stand there waving your willy at me. Get dressed. Our driver will be here soon". I realised that my Bessie can be bossy.

Our soft drinks only friend was waiting in the hotel lobby. He put our luggage in the boot of his car. The DJ announced "The bride and groom are leaving". We got in the back seat of the car as the guests waved and cheered us off.

The Most Embarrassing Thing

As we drove to Gatwick, Bessie fell asleep resting on my shoulder. I got to thinking about the first time I would be having intercourse. I imagined the Benidorm hotel room and Bessie laying there naked. I imagined a towel underneath her to catch the blood of her ruptured hymen. I could see my penis entering her vagina.

Just then I realised that my penis was erect. I looked at my friend to see if he had seen my engorgement. He was looking in the mirror at me. He said "I can see you are looking forward to your holiday. I suggest that we pull into a service station so you can deal with your situation. We don't want to have that at the airport, do we?".

It was the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me. I had to get out of the car with an erection to go to the gents. I feared someone seeing me aroused. Bessie woke up and saw my predicament. My friend told me the quickest way to the loo. I walked quickly and went into one of the cubicles. I pulled down my trousers and underpants. My penis was horizontal to the cubicle floor.

I thought the unsexiest thought that I could. I thought about a horror film. Gradually my penis began to shrink. It was still semi erect when I felt the urge to wee. I managed to pass water by standing back from the toilet bowl. Once I voided my bladder my penis began to go back to its normal size.

When I got back to the car my friend said "I see that Bessie will certainly enjoy her honeymoon". My Bessie blushed.

Arriving At The Benidorm Hotel

We were tired after the early departure from our honeymoon reception, the wait at Gatwick airport, the tedious flight, the wait for luggage at Alicante airport and the 90 minute transfer coach to Benidorm. We were disappointed to have to take our own suitcases up a minor road to the hotel. The road was too small for our coach and we were the only people using that hotel.

This was in the days where suitcases didn't have wheels. We had 2 suitcases and I wasn't going to let Bessie carry her's in that heat. I carried my suitcase for 20 paces and then returned for Bessie's suitcase. It took me 3 stages to reach the hotel.

I arrived at the reception all sweaty. The receptionist took our details on a form which was required by the Spanish police. He took our passports and said "Honeymoon couple?". Bessie blushed as I confirmed our new marital status, "We will give you a complimentary special meal and Cava tonight". He gave us instructions to get to our room and that the porter would bring up our suitcases.

Bessie ushered me away from the reception and said "I don't like the way that man leered at me when he asked if we were the honeymoon couple. He made me feel cheap".

I hadn't noticed anything wrong with the receptionist's manner. I didn't want an argument on our first full day as a married couple. On the other hand I didn't want to complain about the receptionist either. I hit on a way of avoiding both. I said "we will probably not see him again. But if I see him acting inappropriately I will certainly complain".

We got to the room and pushed the sliding door onto our balcony. We had the less than romantic view of workers on wooden scaffolding building a new hotel. I couldn't believe that they were using scaffolding without safeguards. If one of them slipped he would end up in the morgue. If they dropped anything then woe betide anyone walking below them.

The porter arrived with our suitcases. Tiredness overtook us and we fell asleep on top of the bed still fully clothed. We woke and decided not to rush our first marital intercourse. We had 3 hours before our special dinner. We would walk down Benidorm's garden promenade which we could catch a glimpse of, if we looked the other way from the scaffolding.

Exploring Benidorm

It was romantic walking along a traffic free, half mile long, promenade with exotic flowers and trees. I took pictures of Bessie looking lovely. I took pictures of the plants and trees and of the promenade itself.

Before it got to where you could hear the traffic we turned back. Bessie and I sat on a bench and held hands, kissed and people watched. It was cool because the trees provided shade. It was romantic being beside the one you love.

I felt human again after the travel fatigue. I handed my camera over and got a Scottish couple to take a photo of us sitting on the bench holding hands. And another photo of us kissing. I thanked them and they went on their way towards the beach.

We walked hand in hand back to the hotel. We showered and changed into our best gear. We went down for our special meal.

We had a table with a reserved sign on it, a tablecloth and cutlery and glasses set out. A waiter served us but he got the food from the self-service buffet. The Cava was good. I quipped "Tastes as good as champagne". This was bragging since I had little knowledge about champagne. The only time I got to drink it was at wedding receptions.

Bessie said "I don't like the other guests looking at us. I felt like a goldfish in a bowl".

I thought that Bessie had over reacted to the "leering" receptionist. We were definitely getting "nod nod wink wink" attention from the other guests. I hated them watching us

It was different from the honeymoon reception where we were also both centre stage. Our friends were happy for us. Of course there were some ribald comments in the Best Man's speech. It was a bit embarrassing but that was in the nature of a shared joke. Our friends were laughing with us.

The holidaymakers were laughing at our expense. Many of them had "I know what you are going to do" looks. They were belittling a deep sharing of our souls. One of the holidaymakers actually made a simulated sex act. The "pole went into the hole" using his hands. The simulation was accompanied by the laughter of his friends.

My Bessie blushed at this and I was more angry. Such stuff was okay at a stag do but not in public.

I said to Bessie "Having the special meal sounded so romantic. But I would have preferred the hotel just giving us a bottle of Cava. I hope we never see those horrible people again. They don't care that they are ruining our holiday".

Bessie said in a lower voice "I feel like crying. I won't give him the satisfaction of seeing me burst into tears. May he rot in hell". The person she meant was the one who had simulated us making love. I admit I wanted to go up to him and give him a piece of my mind. I knew that would be the worst thing to do.

I said "Let's make the best of a bad job. Try to enjoy the rest of the meal. Let me refill your glass and toast you. You look so beautiful. We are the luckiest couple in this place".

After the dessert was eaten, and the last of the Cava drunk, our ordeal ended. We went from the restaurant and waited for the lift. At last we were going to be fully man and wife. Bessie was going to take my virginity. I had condoms so there was no risk of a honeymoon baby.

I was finally going to deflower my Bessie. We would lose our virginity together. I couldn't have been happier. The lift arrived.

More Delay Before Honeymoon Sex

However, Bessie was still affected by the unwanted attention. When we arrived in our room her mood changed. She no longer needed to hide her anger. She railed against the other guests.

I could see that she wasn't in the right mood for sex. I wanted our first union to be slow and perfect. My wife and I being angry at some yobs wasn't part of my plan.

She said "I hated every moment of that meal. Let's get out of here. There are plenty of shows for us to see. We can get out of these clothes and enjoy the famous Benidorm nightlife".

So I had a major change of plans.

We got out of our best gear quickly. Our informal clothing made us inconspicuous. That was comforting. It was pleasantly warm as we walked along. As we passed by the hotels we looked to see what shows they had on that night.

We ended up watching Phil The Clown entertaining the children for half an hour. Mums and Dads drank lager as their children had great fun.

There was then a long break as the children left. The room was now ready for "adults only" entertainment.

The Advertisement

They had a TV on but with no sound. I saw a truly shocking advert. It had a group of women naked in a sauna. This wasn't a shot from behind so you don't see anything. This was explicit. full frontal nudity with all showing their black bushy pubic hair and firm breasts. Well, one didn't have firm breasts since she was considerably older than the others. But they all seemed to be enjoying this communal nudity.

A naked man (seen from the rear so his wedding tackle is not seen) walked in and then feasted at the sight of all the naked girls. The older lady chased him out of the sauna.You see her large breasts move as she pointed to the exit and then as she chased him out of the sauna.

Next the ad had a police identity parade with hunky men wearing only towels. The older lady (now fully clothed) is seen walking and examining each towel. Then she gets to a towel with an erection forming a tent. The camera pans upwards to the man chased from the shower looking as pleased as Punch.

I think it was advertising a deodorant.

I said "No British TV channel would dare play that advert".

I was in 2 minds. I agree that it shouldn't be shown but I liked seeing it. I suppose this was the first shot in me getting used to British society changing its values. Worse was that, over many years, I would have to adapt my own value system.

But, even today that ad could not be shown in Britain.

The Warning

A stranger, whose name was Paul, came up and asked "Is this your first time in Benidorm? This is our 5th time here. You are about to see the best show in Benidorm. Sticky Vicky is truly amazing. Do you want to join my wife and I?. We can tell you the best things to see and what to avoid."

Bessie was delighted for us to be with a friendly couple. We took our drinks over to their table. When they were finished the couple bought the first round.

The Time Share Scam

The woman, whose name was Lizzie, told us "Do not even talk to the Timeshare sales people. We fell for their patter on our first visit. We went with 2 reps to a place a good half hour ride from our hotel. Once we were there they had us at their mercy.

The timeshare resort was okay but you would need transport to get to Benidorm itself.

They then spent an hour on a presentation that they told us would only last 10 minutes.

The reps at Benidorm said that we would get a free cocktail and a free taxi ride back. They didn't give us a drink. When we said that we weren't interested their mood changed.

They accused US of wasting THEIR time. You can imagine how angry that made me. The whole thing was supposed to take only 30 minutes. Now they had taken 2 hours of our precious holiday.

Paul was now so angry that it became a shouting match. He shouted that he wanted the taxi to take us back to our hotel."

Paul took up the story "They shouted back that as we had wasted their time but we could use the phone to book a taxi. The taxi firm said it would cost 100 pesetas. Now this half hour freebie was going to cost us £20. I shouted that I would call the police. That changed things. About half an hour later, a rep took us back to near by our hotel.

We still had a long hot walk and missed our mid day meal."

Lizzie interrupted and said "Tell him how you got revenge on them. It was quite amusing now, but at the time I was worried."

Paul continued "I got a sort of revenge by standing near them when they reappeared on the beach promenade. If anyone came near them I shouted a warning that they were con artists. If anyone continued towards the timeshare reps I shouted what had happened.

They never managed to get con anyone while I was there. They moved away but I followed them. They threatened to call the police. I said that they would end up in prison and not I."

Lizzie then ended their story "I was worried that they might resort to violence and Pail might end up in a Spanish jail. I persuaded him to give up his noble campaign and enjoy the holiday."

Bessie said "Thank you for the warning. I don't think either James or I would be brave enough to shout out a warning like Paul did. We will certainly avoid the timeshare scammers."

Good Ideas

Lizzie said "Avoid the people selling fake designer tee shirts and belts. They don't last a year. But if you want quality, go to the headland shops. They are reasonably priced in comparison with back home.

Paul and Lizzie told us to try a cocktail in the most romantic hotel in Benidorm - the Venezia just before you reached the viewpoint on the headland. They are certainly right about that. It really is a romantic location. However it is very, very expensive.

They also said to try the free Workshop trip. They pick you up at your hotel. You get a tour of the countryside for half an hour and they give you a welcome drink. They give you a half hour talk, which is not too boring. They give you a small free gift and a chance to go to the loo. They then take you back to your hotel.

They then told us about the Garden Promenade. We said we had been there already and agreed it was romantic.

The "Adult" Entertainment

The first act was "Sticky Vicky". She appeared nude and then managed to get items to appear. The items can only come from 3 areas but I couldn't see where they came from. It may be her age but, once you get over seeing a middle aged woman with no clothes and shaven pubic area, her nudity was acceptable.

Here were 4 respectable people watching a naked lady and it wasn't immoral. Bessie wasn't embarrassed even when she watched from 2 feet away. It was as respectable as if Sticky Vicky was a naked lady in a classical painting.

Paul said "I haven't seen the next act before. Apparently she has a ring on her clitoris. Not Lizzie's or my cup of tea, so when we have finished our drinks we will go".

Bessie wasn't embarrassed by Paul's mention of a clitoris. It wasn't him being smutty. He was using the term correctly. I recall it being mentioned in my Sex Ed talk by the doctor that they bought in specially.

But the clitoris was never mentioned in Bessie and my conversations. Nor was it in our male only conversations. We were satisfied with photos of women with pubic hair. Gynaecological shots were immoral and illegal. In those days, the police raided Sex Shops and photos and films were impounded and destroyed. Nowadays much harder porn is available on the internet and nobody bats an eyelid.

So seeing a naked lady was racy, but seeing a clitoris was racier. Seeing a pierced clitoris was the raciest porn available.

The exception to this "immoral and illegal" tag was the labelled photo the Sex Ed doctor showed us, That photo was educational and therefore moral and legal.

Bessie's only comment was "It must hurt having a piercing, but having it down there must be the most painful one of all".

I noticed that Bessie avoided the word "clitoris". Even though we were married to mention it was too embarrassing. I was glad that she didn't mention the word. It would have been embarrassing for me to have to use it.

When Lizzie finished her drink Paul suggested "Why don't we all come back to our hotel room. We have a balcony with a great view and we can watch Benidorm all lit up and sip cocktails. But I see James wants to see the ring-ladened lady. She will be on in about 10 minutes. James could see her show her piercing. Our hotel is Bennie's, he can get a taxi and join us in half an hour."