Let's go upstairs and get some water," Jim finally said.
I put my shirt on and followed Jim upstairs. We got some water and sat at the table quietly. Finally, I had to speak.
"I don't know why I did that," I said again. "I like spending time with you and working out got me worked up, I guess."
Jim didn't say anything for a moment. He looked pensive.
"I'm fine being friends," Jim said. "Or I'm fine being more than that too. But you have to decide. I don't like being teased."
"I'm sorry about that. I'm really confused. I wanted you to kiss me earlier. I like the way you hug me. I don't want to tease you or wind you up, but I like being close to you."
"Ok, for now. But you need to figure it out."
I nodded. We left it at that. We had some lunch and talked about a workout routine. Jim gave me a plan for the week and we agreed to meet the next Sunday and workout again. I went home and spent a couple of days trying to figure out what was going on with me. Why did I want to be held and kissed by Jim? I've been enthusiastically straight all my life. I've also been a bit lonely for a while too. I had some sleepless nights.
I decided to see if Jim wanted to have dinner Friday. I texted him and a few hours later he replied 'yes'. I spent Friday preparing. I cleaned the house, went shopping, set the table for two and prepared a healthy meal that I thought would be tasty. I put on a pair of linen slacks and a tailored shirt. I turned the lights down and waited nervously. Jim came through the back door and I greeted him. I was so nervous I was shaking. He looked at the table and the lighting and then at me. I stepped up to him and gave him a tight hug. After a moment I turned my head up to his and parted my lips. He looked at me for what seemed like an eternity and held me tighter and kissed me hard. We parted and I asked if he wanted a drink or a glass of wine.
"No, just water for me tonight," he replied.
He could tell I was really nervous. We sat for a bit and chatted about food and then went to dinner. We talked about local places to go and things to do. It seemed like a normal conversation and it helped calm me down. Finally dinner was over and it was time to talk. Jim and I went to the living room and sat on the couch. We were close, but not too close. I had rehearsed this but still had a hard time starting. I cleared my throat and went for it.
"I've been thinking about what I want to do all week. I'm not sure yet. It seems so complicated," I said.
Jim nodded and waited.
"I've never considered any sort of relationship with a man. But, I've really come to want to be around you. I really like spending time with you and since that first time you kissed me, I keep thinking about you kissing me again."
