When I was 48 years old and divorced for over two years I had a couple of disastrous affairs with incompatible women. My mind would go back to my teen years when my best friend and I used to jerk each other off. One time and one time only, I sucked him for about 30 seconds. I stopped because I was feeling scared and confused about it.
But days later I walked into the woods with him and told him I wanted to do it again. He yelled at me saying "What the fuck! Are you queer or something?" That paralyzed me and I never acted on that impulse again until age 48.
But, from that day on, I thought about it a lot. It became ingrained in my thoughts every time I jerked off. I desperately wanted to suck somebody off, and that need was greatly enhanced after my divorce and affairs. I even thought about eating my own cum, but every time I had an orgasm, I lost all desire to taste it. Maybe it was lack of desire, or maybe it was me being scared of it. I started collecting and freezing my cum, but still couldn't ingest it. Then I tried jerking off in a totally dark room, catching my cum in a saucer, but to no avail. After I had cum, I absolutely didn't have a desire to lick it up.
At age 48 I started going to known gay hangouts in my city. I even talked to some guys that I was attracted to. But being a timid sort, I just couldn't get up the courage to go to second base. There were a few who asked me out, but I was too scared. What a chicken.