Myself

I opened the door to the next carriage, we both did a double take, and as if in slow motion he lay into me with a passion that was deep within him, who was I to deny him the pleasure that must have been rushing through his head at that moment. I was looking at myself aged 18.

How could I defend myself, he probably had dreamed of this moment. So I stood and took whatever he could throw at me, and he did, I wasn't stood for long, he was a well built young man, he had a need to hurt me as much as he thought possible.

I didn't know how long it went on, as long as he needed, that was what it was going to take for me to be able to meet the love of my life.

AGAIN.

People must have stopped him, I became aware that I was being helped, he was ranting held until he went limp, quiet.

Too many people, too much noise, I needed to hear his name.

Dave, the name when I heard it made me laugh, but the pain stopped that.

I was being helped into an ambulance, I fought to keep near him, but had no strength anymore.

I awoke in a curtained area, I was desperate to find him, talk to him, Dave, the first clue in? How long? 18 years 6 months and 16 days.

Someone came and cleaned me up, I had to assumed, it was a doctor, they pushed and prodded, gave me a shot of something, said that they would return.

Later 2 police persons, 1 very pretty, the other very not, put some detail into what I knew, very short but to the point, random violence was on the increase etc. but they had the culprit, be in court Monday.

What was today? I asked them, they looked at me, at each other, it's Saturday morning sir.

Thank goodness, I had nearly 2 days.

After an eternity of noise, being uncomfortable, in pain that came and went in no order, I was given a bag of pills with strict instructions to only take the dose prescribed, if I felt sick to come back ASAP.

I'm not sure but it was my recurring nightmare coming to life as I went home. I had the worst headache ever, I had to take it easy, but I had just had to prepare myself as best as I possibly could, this was my chance, my chance to put it away, breathe, cleanly again.

Monday morning I was dressed up as best as possible, I had had trouble sleeping, but the pills worked, took the physical pain away, but was today going to be the day that took the mental pain away?

I had to sit and wait, for hours, but when his case was finally called I went in, spoke to the defence attorney, he was only to pleased to step aside.

He hadn't looked at me but I had him.

Nice looking lad I thought, that brought a smile to my face, when the court asked who represented him I stood, he nearly fainted, I begged the court's permission to address them.

I told them my story, I explained that just over 18 years ago, I was a semi drunken lad on a train coming home from a rugby match, the train was full, I had met a VERY nice girl, it was that love at first sight experience.

I felt that it was returned, somehow we were making love in the train loo, not very romantic but...

I went to buy coffees, I returned to nothing, it turned out that the train split at Woking, she went one way I went the other, I have spent every free moment,18 years plus riding the train from Woking to Southampton searching, this young man is my son, we have never met, it was as if we were looking in a mirror when we met. He isn't the bad person in this, I am. I goaded him into it. Please don't destroy this man's life for my mistake, he was only protecting his mother.

He was let off with a caution.

I was met by Helen and Dave outside, I only had eyes for Helen.

I was back 18 years 6 months 18 days, before they could say anything I dropped on 1 knee and asked Helen to marry me, she smiled, nodded, I'd like that.