"She was training to be a masseuse β had always wanted to be a masseuse, had always wanted to work on bodies, to help restore their health. But she had to quit her training. Know why?"
She shook her head, "No."
"Because she couldn't find anyone to work on after class! Isn't that pathetic? I mean, there isn't a guy in this entire city who wouldn't give his left nut for her to come over and rub him down. But she couldn't find anyone. I think that's just really, really sad."
She nodded her head, "It is, yes, I know the feeling."
"You do?" This kind of surprised me; I didn't know this woman very well so didn't know why she'd say this.
She told me. "I'm two weeks away from my 23rd birthday and I'm still a virgin. I find that really, really sad, too. Actually, it's pathetic."
"And you don't want to be?" That was all I could think to say.
"No, I don't and haven't for some time."
"So why don't you do something about it?"
"I am."
"What?" I didn't understand.
"I'm telling you I'm a virgin and I don't want to be."
"You're telling me this because ...?" I left the sentence open, hoping she'd fill in the blank.
She did. "I want to have sex."
I laughed, "Is that an offer?" I didn't think it was but I also couldn't figure what else she was getting at.
"Yes, it is."
I still don't think I got it. I hesitated a moment before saying, "You want to have sex ... with me?"
With a level gaze, she looked me in the eyes, "Yes."
'Why me?' I asked myself, then I asked her the same question.
"I like you and you're here, and we're talking about it, so why not?"
"Wouldn't you rather lose it to someone you really care about?"
"I would, yes, but there isn't anyone and there isn't likely to be anyone anytime soon."
"Why not?"
"Because, as you can see, I'm not very attractive, not the kind of girl guys thinks about when they want to have sex. And I'm not aggressive, either β not a great combination if your goal is to get laid."
She was sitting on a computer chair in our mutual friend's apartment; I was sitting across from her on the couch. I had met her a few times before, talked to her for a couple of minutes each time and that was the extent of our relationship: she was a friend of a friend, that was it; I couldn't even remember her name. I laughed, nervously, "Well, as a virgin, maybe you don't know that your approach isn't the normal route to sex, I mean with the line 'my goal is to get laid.'" I laughed again, "Don't get me wrong, I'm sure it'll work about 99.9% of the time."
She didn't laugh, she seemed frustrated. "Ya, well, the normal routes, whatever they are, are pretty much closed to me. I'm not particularly attractive, not aggressive, not very social ...," she hesitated, "what would you suggest my preferred route should be?"
She was right, she wasn't very attractive. She was plump and plain with a roundish face that exuded more intelligence than beauty and with the way she was dressed it was impossible to see anything sexy about her. She wore a pair of black slacks, a black vest over a grey-blue shirt buttoned at the neck and cuffs as if for protection. But even at that she wasn't noticeably ugly; she was just the woman you pass on the street a thousand times a day and never notice.
But I was noticing her now, her eyes were boring into mine, she was waiting for an answer. I shrugged, "I don't know what your preferred route should be, I guess whatever works."
"But that's my point, isn't it? Nothing has worked. That's why I'm still a virgin and that's why I've made you the offer. Betty won't be back for another 3 or 4 hours; we're here; I've explained my predicament; I've asked you to have sex with me; what do you say?"
As she studied me, I thought about it β quickly, I didn't want to appear to be agonizing over a decision β that would be a little insulting; she was obviously desperate. When I spoke I was as frank as she had been, "I'll do it but only on one condition."
She continued to scrutinize me, "And that is?"
"That the sex will be really memorable for you."
She seemed to relax now; a hint of a smile appeared, "Oh, I imagine it will."
I shook my head, "No, it won't. If I do what you're asking, I'll stick it in you, thrust a few time, we'll both cum and after a few minutes we'll both feel stupid. You'll have lost your cherry, we'll both have lost a little self respect."
The smile was gone; she seemed to be considering what I'd said. "So what do you suggest?"
"That before we do it you get hotter than you've ever been before, maybe even hotter than you've ever imagined you could be so that when we finally do have sex we'll both feel good about it; we'll have achieved a lot more than just a broken hymen; we'll have done something you'll always remember."
She smiled again, this time with enthusiasm, "OK, so how do we accomplish that?"
"With words." I almost laughed when her smile turned to a frown of doubt. "I want you to sit there and I'll sit here and we'll start talking about things sexual and we'll go where it seems best to go and if it works, if we both get turned on, and I stressed BOTH here because I'm not just going to service you, this isn't going to be a pity fuck, so if it works, we're both going to want to go at it, and if we both really want it, the sex will have a good chance of being memorable. That's my condition."
There was only the hint of a smile again, "Fine, accepted, but I think you'll find I'm pretty dim on the subject."
I shook my head, "I'll bet you aren't. Do you have sexual thoughts?"
"Of course."
"Had them for awhile, for years?"
"Yes."
"Are they always the same?"
"What do you mean, 'the same?'"
"Do all your thoughts about sex have the same theme, are they always about the same person?"
"No."
"So you think about sex in a variety of ways?"
"Yes."
"How big a variety?"
"I'm not sure ..."
"In your head have you had sex on a boat, a plane, in a kitchen, on a beach, standing, sitting, in a shower ..."
Her laugh interrupted me, "I get your point, yes, most of the above."
"So, in your mind at least, you have quite a lot of sexual experience?"
She smiled more brightly this time, "Put that way, yes, I'm a real aficionado."
"That's why I don't think you're going to be 'dim' on the subject: you've had lots of experience, if only in your head. So do you want to get started?"
She laughed, "I've already started."
"Are you feeling a little hot?"
"I've never talked about sex with anyone before, so it's kind of, ... a bit of ... a thrill."
"Never to anyone? Not even girl talk?"
"The poodles don't share their thoughts with the bulldogs."
"A little harsh."
"But accurate. When you're plump and plain people, even of the same gender, they just assume you're sexless. You did, didn't you?"
"No, I just didn't think of you in a sexual context."
"It's the same thing. If I was attractive, you would have put me in a sexual context."
I thought about this for a moment, "Probably, ya, I probably would have." I wanted to get this back on track, "Describe your breasts to me."
She shifted in the chair, as if preparing for a long grilling. "What do you want, the measurements?"
"No, describe them as you think of them, I mean, you're dressed as if you're ashamed of them, they're covered by a vest and a shirt and I'll bet you have some kind of jog-type bra thing on that flattens them. I can't see them, can't imagine them, so describe them for me."
"I like my breasts. I usually wear a sports bra, as you say, because they're more comfortable ..."
"But if you flatten them aren't you missing an opportunity?"
She shrugged, "I've never sexualized my breasts, they just are."
"But you like them?"
"I do, yes."
"Describe them."
She snickered uncomfortably, "Well, they're both a few pounds of fat with a nipple on them ..."
"Come on. When you look in a mirror, what do you see, what do you like about them?"