I woke up confused.
What had been, in my mind, a "simple love triangle" problem for a breezily confident eighteen-year-old girl β me, Danny, Pierre β was suddenly overlaid, pardon the pun, with lust. In one weekend my life had evolved from the girlhood rhyme when plucking the petals off a daisy β "he loves me ... he loves me not ... he loves me" β to a vertigo-inducing swirl of boys, sex, and sensations raging through my body like wildfire.
Last week I'd been a virgin; this week I was ... a slut?
I didn't
feel
like a slut, but I knew darn well that if the girls in my gym class found out I'd had my first two sexual adventures on two consecutive nights with two different boys, that's what they'd call me. I was in way over my head, and I was scared.
So a couple of days later, I 'fessed up.
Jess lived two houses down the street and had been my best friend since Grade 2, when her parents moved to D.C. from an Air Force posting in Germany. We'd soon started having sleepovers and by the time we were teenagers it felt like we were twins, sharing every thought and emotion. Till I started getting interested in boys, that is.
Jess was a head taller than me, slim with long dark hair, a swimmer's taught body, and smoldering eyes. 'Cause she grew tall early, she'd towered over most boys our age for the last five years, and she rarely got asked to school dances or the movies. She'd become a bit of a wallflower, and had built a shell around herself that didn't make getting dates any easier.
I took some homework to her house after school that Friday, had dinner with her folks, played with her dachshunds and ran up the street to tell my mom I was staying over. We went up to her cozy bedroom, with its dark, European-style furniture and old-fashioned eyelet bedspread and pillow covers, and changed into winter nightgowns. The talk turned to Pierre and Danny, and she asked whether I'd made up my mind. I blushed crimson and jumped on her bed face-down to hide my embarrassment. When she sat beside me and rubbed my back, my conflicted emotions flooded my body and I burst into silent tears. Jess kept stroking my back as I shook with sobs, totally misunderstanding my outburst until I was able to breathe quietly enough to tell her the story of Pierre and the Homecoming dance.
"Ohhhh," she said, "but you'd wanted that for so long ... those must be tears of happiness!" Her soothing tone helped me settle down, and we crawled under the covers the way we'd done since we were little. She held me in her arms and undid the row of buttons at the back of my nightgown so her cool, strong hands could massage my back while I told her about giving myself to Ken the night after I let Pierre take my virginity, and how confused I was, still, about loving Danny.
It was warm under the duvet, and pretty soon we shed the flannel nightgowns. With Jess's comforting arms around me I felt safe and free of the burden of what I'd started to think of as my dirty little secrets. I nestled against her, feeling her long, muscular legs against mine and the scent of the delicate cologne she wore. My hands rubbed her lower back, then wandered over the curves of her bottom. The flimsy cotton panties we wore seemed to heighten the sense of touch in the darkness of her attic room, as storm-tossed branches cast eerie dark-on-dark shadows on the weird angles of the ceiling.
I nuzzled the curved bottom of one of her exquisite, firm breasts as my head lay between her arms. I froze as a sigh escaped her, but she hugged me gently: no rejection there. Her hands were gliding softly across my bottom and when I turned slightly, they traced the elastic of my panties and finally, slowly, tentatively, the palm of her hand slipped down my belly inside the soft cotton, stroking the tufts of hair there then lightly pressing on my pubic bone.
I slid my hand between her legs, and she held it there for a moment then moved it away. But it was only to roll me on my back so her skilful hand could ever so gently tease its way to my now-hard clit. My God! She knew every sensitive spot intuitively, touching me now here, now there, rubbing with exquisite friction that spread my juices to all the places that wanted, that wanted, that wanted ... yes, yes, YES! That orgasm was stronger than the ones I'd experienced riding on Ken's mushroom-headed penis, equal to that exquisite climax when Pierre's magic fingers first found my clitoris when I was leaning against the player piano in the basement.
Waves of pleasure washed over me and I lay in a rosy glow of well-being. Jess held me close and I stroked her, fondling the mound of woman-hair under her panties and clumsily searching for her clit. It wasn't hard to find, as it was standing up like a miniature penis ordering me to touch it. She sighed with pleasure, encouraging me to spread her moisture up and down her labia then roll her adorable clit between my fingers as she opened her legs so I could rub up and down its shaft. I nibbled an erect nipple and ran my tongue around her dark areola (much sexier, I'd thought for a couple of years, than my pink ones) but she gently admonished me β "No, pay attention to the job at hand." And so she taught me to touch her till her strong thighs started to quiver and she reached her thrusting, shuddering climax and collapsed into my arms.
Before we fell asleep she expertly brought me to another peak, and I practised what she'd taught me until she too climaxed a second time and our bodies snuggled together as waves of love washed over us.
Bright mid-morning sunshine and the smell of frying German sausages finally woke us. We chatted as we cuddled and a Beatles song came on the radio:
Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play. Now I need a place to hide away. Oh, I believe in yesterday ...
But there was no turning back for me. I was lucky to be in a safe place with people who loved me. I realized then that life was all about trusting. It was a small insight that would help me through good times and tough ones.