"I hate weddings" I thought to myself. Looking down at the most hideous dress I had ever been forced to wear, I sighed. I am tall for a girl at 5'8" and have a pretty good figure for a woman my age. Long blondish red hair and blue eyes complete my package. But at the moment all I could think about was how my feet hurt in these stupid shoes and how ugly this dress was. All of Tracy's other friends were short and very busty women, so they had chosen dresses that were multilayer fluffy chiffon creations. They looked wonderful in the soft floating pastels but I looked better in darker shades and a more tailored look. Sigh, oh well maybe there would be a nice looking guy attending to take my mind off my discomfort.
We were in the greenroom getting the bride ready for her walk down the aisle to meet her destiny, when I heard the most amazing voice. He was talking to the Bride's mom about the piece he would used to pipe the married couple as they walked back down the aisle together. It was the Piper. I turned around to see if he looked as good as he sounded.
"OMG" I thought to myself, "He is gorgeous." That he was. About 6'2", dark hair, glasses, slightly stocky build, legs like trees and oh gosh what a nice sporran. "Wow, looks like this party may just be picking up." I thought to myself.
Several hours later I had made it through the ceremony with out gagging over the "Honor and Obey" part of the vows, ugh. Neither of my two ex-husbands was very good at the honor, respect or faithfulness part of our vows. Oh well, and I have to admit when the bride asked me to take care of the Piper I did not object in the slightest. Best decision I had made in months. Not only was he hot, he was funny and a great dancer. I was having a ton more fun then I had thought I would. His name was Ken and he had been a professional piper for years.
I was in the ladies room freshening up when Carrie came stumbling in to touch up her lipstick. "So is he?" she asked.
"Is he what?"
"Well does he have on... well you know?"
"What?" I asked getting a bit exasperated.
"Undies? Boxers? Briefs? Is he regimental or not?" She laughed so hard she messed up her lipstick.
"Hmmmm," I thought as I reapplied my own, my first ex had called lipstick, penis wax. Yup he thought that was funny....sigh.
"Well?"
I sighed, "I don't know."
"Well find out. I bet you five bucks he is buck ass naked under that skirt."
"It is not a skirt, it is a kilt and no five bucks is not enough to risk embarrassing myself."
"OK, OK, fifty bucks than."
Now I was starting to wonder myself. Just what did he have on under that kilt?
"OK, you're on."
So now all I had to do was figure out how to find out. All of a sudden my slightly tipsy brain had the perfect plan. So I fixed up my "penis wax" and wondered back out to the reception. I found him exactly where I had left him, sitting at a table with a half empty bottle of the best scotch in the house in front of him and a big smile on his face as he watched the bridal party dance a drunk version of a Congo line.
"Hey, missed me?" I asked sitting back down into my seat.
"You bet" he said as he toasted me with his glass. He had been eyeing me up and down all evening. I could tell that he found me as attractive as I was finding him. "I don't usually stay at the reception this long." he said. "Usually I just play, get paid, have a quick drink and leave. But this time I am having fun." He smiled a devilish grin. I smiled back.