They say your whole life flashes before you.
Part one
The room seemed very white and very bright, so much so that it blinded me. I realised I had said the word, "Anna." My voice sounded strange, croaky to my ears, so it took me a moment to realise it had been me speaking. The noise of the constant rhythmic beeping was pretty annoying too, but the problem was I did not know where I was. All I knew was I could not move. Overwhelmingly I wished I could turn that noise off. Again, I repeated the word, "Anna." Someone was trying to talk to me. Initially trying to reassure me and then to ask me questions. All I could do was repeat that girl's name again. Over and over. I guess I was just rambling. Slowly things started to go black and my dreams returned. It was so pleasant to descend into them once more. I was back in my car on a rainy day, right where I wanted to be, at the very beginning.
I met Anna just after a lorry had gone through a big puddle and soaked her from head to foot. She had been innocently waiting at the bus stop, then whoosh she was drenched. The driver did not stop, but I immediately pulled over. Anna was furious of course, but way too posh to swear about it the way I would have. She had been soaked from head to foot and was looking suitably wet and bedraggled, but for me it was love at first sight. I ended up making myself late for work, by driving her home, waiting whilst she changed, and then dropping her at her work. By happy co-incidence her office was next door to mine.
It was something I never confessed to her, but I watched for her to leave that evening, in the hope that I could also give her a lift home. I innocently wandered out, just as she was leaving, and pretended only to notice her after she had said had called out to me.
"Oh hi," I said, all casual like. "How are you?" We shared a joke about the incident that had happened earlier and then I made my move. "If you are going home I could drop you." I said hopefully. I raised my head to the now clear-blue sky overhead and added. "Might be safer, it looks like rain." Anna laughed, and after some protesting I convinced her to let me give her a lift. Before we set off she spoilt the magic of the moment a little, by suggesting I come in and meet her boyfriend. Sadly, she also talked a lot about him on the journey to her house and so even before I met him, I disliked him. Apparently, he was heir to quite a fortune and was a surfer-dude!
When I did meet Simon, the rich surfer, the image I had formed of a tanned, tall, well-educated, good-looking, athletic man, was unfortunately precisely right. Dislike quickly turned to hatred and I fled as quick as I could without being rude. I wasn't exactly bad looking and the hours I spent in the gym had honed my body nicely, but the riches I could not compete with. I came from a council house. No shame in that, but the differences in Simon and I were obvious. I also lived with my parents at that point in time, something I had been forced to own up to in front of surfer dude. I am sure I saw laughter in the eyes of Simon as I told him. Still I had achieved one thing. Anna and I were now officially car-sharing to and from work, so I would see her every day.
Anna was classically beautiful. Long blonde hair, tall, slim figure and bright blue eyes. Her face was a little long and her nose a bit big, but her huge eyes made up for any shortcomings. She had this habit of going cross-eyed if I stared at her for too long. I would smile and look shyly away, but my heart would always miss a beat. The car sharing had gone on for several months, meaning it was now summer and the two of us had got to know each other well. Whether you would say I was in love, or I just had the most enormous crush, I am not sure. All I do know is I thought about Anna all the time. She filled my fantasies and I grew to hate the weekends, time when I would not see her.
It was towards the middle of August when I mentioned on the drive home that my parents would be away for a week's holiday.
"That's funny," said Anna. "Simon is away too. Apparently, he is going to Hawaii surfing." There was a brief pause in the conversation where to be honest I was trying to think of something to say. The "apparently" and her tone, made it clear she was not happy. Of course, I was delighted she was upset with him, and that he was going away. Suddenly Anna spoke again. "I know! Why don't you come over for dinner?" As you can imagine my heart leapt in excitement. I think I managed to ask her if she was sure, but she immediately said she was. "After all this car share, is not really a car share, is it?" She added. "You drive, you pay for the petrol. There is no real sharing. It will be my way of saying thank you." I was over the moon.
The dinner date was settled. I would come to her place around seven on Friday so there were no worries about work the next day. It all sounded perfect. "See you later," she said as I dropped her home that night.
"Yes, see you later," I replied sounding far more confident that I felt. I had not really been with girls much at that stage. I was twenty, and if I did meet a girl, I was always too shy to take it further. The longer that went on, the more my lack of experience, ate away the little confidence I did have.
Not that I expected anything to happen, obviously I hoped, but there was Simon and I knew Anna was almost thirty. She had called me a "real baby" when I told her my age, and then had apologised immediately. Probably noting my hurt look, but the words had stuck in my head, and to be fair there was truth in them. I was a bit of a baby, no real girlfriends to speak of, living at home and no band of friends to fill my days with fun. Still for one evening I was going to be alone with Anna, having a meal, in my idea of heaven.
Of course, it was going to be just dinner, but afterwards I could go home and pretend what I wanted to happen had. In the meantime, Anna and I would get to know each other a little better and that was going to be great. My mind drifted to what she would wear and what she would cook. How much effort would she go to, and then I panicked. I should take flowers and wine, or chocolates, or all three, or just one. If just one which one. In the end, I went for an expensive bottle of wine. I was driving home so could not drink, but hopefully she would, and in that there might be possibilities. Who knew?
Part two
It was obvious from the moment I stepped over the threshold and said hello, that Anna was not happy. At first, I thought it was about me and coming over and so I tried to tread carefully, not wanting to be sent home. It was hard to know if I was imagining it, or whether I was somehow the root cause of her discontent. However, she seemed oblivious to everything, as we sat in painful silence on her sofa. She had acknowledged the bottle of wine with a curt, "thank you." That was about all I got from her. All attempts at conversation, "it's a nice place," "what have you been up to today," crashed and burnt, until in desperation I broke my golden "car sharing" rule not to mention the surfer. No sooner had I mentioned the word "Simon" and Anna burst into tears.
I hesitated for a few moments and then decided all I could do was offer comfort, so I sat right next to her and cautiously put my arm around her. In an instant, she lay her head on my shoulder and continued crying. When my arm went very-slowly right around her she snuggled in a little deeper. Amid the sobs she spoke.
