This is a private letter Yuka is writing, mostly for herself. But she doesn't know that XX is going to read it…
Hi. My name's Yuka Kikuchi and I just turned eighteen yesterday. I know it's an important day in my life, the day I officially become legal, but somehow it doesn't have the luster it once did. I hate to admit it, but most of the things that were illegal - drinking, going to over 18 clubs - I've been doing them since the beginning of high school. Of course, my parents don't know about it and even then, they wouldn't do anything to me. I passed my college entrance exams on the first try; I get good grades and get home on time. They have no reason to complain and actually they never have. They're not so bad, even if they're old.
Anyway, I'm writing this to get some things out in the open. Even though I've done some bad things, I've never been as bad as some of the girls at my school. I've seen the things they do every day, how much money they have to get all of the designer French things I see in Takashimaya all the time. They sell themselves to get it, to salarymen, to foreigners with lots of money… I don't know exactly what they do when they get together, but I hear them talk about it. It's almost like a study session, everyone comparing notes on what their 'danna-sama' does for them. Just yesterday while I was eating lunch, I was sitting with my friend Rie and two more girls came and sat next to us. They were wearing the usual too-short skirts, riding high on their thighs; one of them, I swore I could see her butt! Anyway, they started talking about their night on the town somewhere in Shibuya and all the drinking they did. They did look a little tipsy still, in my opinion. Somewhere along the way, their conversation changed to what their danna-sama wanted them to do.
One girl said, "He wanted me to pose in my panties and take pictures… that was pretty cool!"
I kept on listening, just wondering how they could let strangers do those kinds of things to them. The other girl laughed at what she said and told her own story.
"Well, last night was very different for me," she started. Everyone at the table was listening to every word she said. "He (meaning her foreigner lover) made me bend over and shoved himself right into my ass. No lie!" She said all of this practically in a whisper because it's still taboo to do all of these things, even if she was eighteen already. "It was hard at first because his cock is so big, but he got it in and it felt good after a while!"
They kept talking for a while more about how he did this and that, but I tuned it out and finished my lunch. What none of them knew was that I was still a virgin. Here they were talking about that so openly and I haven't even had a boy touch me in any intimate way ever! I was blushing, but no one noticed but Rie. She pitied me in a way; even she had lost her virginity already and she took a lot of pleasure in telling me her experience right after it happened.
When I think about it, the guys have never really been interested in me. Not until recently. On my way home, my only male friend Takeshi stopped me and asked me if I wanted to go and karaoke. So of course, I asked who was coming since we always did it as a group and all he did was smile in a strange way.
"Just the two of us," he told me.
I was a little flustered, so I made up some excuse that I had homework to do or that I had to help my mother with chores. I don't remember which one. Even after refusing him, he just said, "Maybe next time" and told me he'd see me later. I don't know what to think of it. Am I really this naïve? I do like Takeshi, but I never know what to expect with the whole dating thing.
When I got home last night, my mind was so filled with guys and the sex those girls were talking about that I did something very unusual for me: I went on the Internet looking for pictures about sex. My room is very private and I have my own computer, so I can do pretty much whatever I want. All of the things I saw made me more interested in what it would be like to do the things these women were doing. Some of them were in poses that seemed unnatural, upside down, bent sideways… The last thing I expected was this wet feeling between my legs that started to form. It felt so strange; I was sitting there and all of a sudden, there was this throbbing feeling down there and the urge to just feel it overwhelmed me. So I did.
I was wearing just a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I didn't look down at what I was doing because I would have never done it in the first place. My hand slipped in my pants and it was so warm down there. Really warm and moist. I just used one finger to see what was going on and it landed on something that felt wonderful. It was a little hard against my finger, making me squirm. I couldn't help myself from playing with it a little more. I was still watching pictures and short movies of men thrusting deep into women, playing with their breasts and so many other things that made my body warm. I realized I was aroused for the first time and worse yet, I was playing with myself. One finger turned into two and the next thing I knew, I retreated to my bed and started playing more intensely. I took my shirt off and I looked down to see my brown nipples tight and jutting out from me. Something told me to touch them, feel them… so I did. Suddenly, I moaned and I didn't mean to, but I couldn't help it when I brushed my finger over the tips. My fingers were frantic, rubbing that bit of flesh that had me crazy.
The next thing I knew, my eyes grew fuzzy and the sensation that was building all this time… it collapsed. I collapsed. It felt like I was falling from a twenty story building, that strange arousing sensation bursting like a supernova. There was this clenching deep inside; I could feel it pulsating and I couldn't stop it even if I wanted.
And now, I feel guilty. Very guilty. I didn't want to stop there, that's the reason why. I wanted more. I want more. I'm eighteen and I'm finally alive, for the first time. I don't want to be like those other girls, but I do want to feel what they're feeling. Just to know what it's like to be with someone intimately. That makes me feel dirty just thinking about it.
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Yuka tried to shake off the feeling of arousal that was building inside her as she sat in her English class, waiting for the teacher to arrive. She was an hour early and it gave her time to write a letter to herself. Just as she was about to write another line, the door opened and in walked her teacher. It was strange to have a Japanese man as an English teacher, but the school made an exception since he lived in the United States for most of his life. Kazuo Takahashi was very young, only 24, but from his introduction on the first day, he had an amazing sense of intelligence that Yuka was impressed.
"Good evening, Mister Takahashi," Yuka greeted in her heavily accented English. She struggled constantly with the language, but she was determined to do her best. Her teacher seemed to appreciate her constant efforts to speak.
Kazuo set his bag down and smiled softly at Yuka. "Good evening, Yuka. How are you today?"
His stylish haircut had bits of highlighted hair streaming over his face in various spots. Yuka thought it was very sexy. She did notice that he was a little more muted than normal, so she decided to be more aggressive in the conversation.
"I am okay," she said, tucking her letter under her books without looking. He didn't need to know about that. "You look very…" Yuka couldn't come up with the word in English, but it echoed in her head in Japanese. Troubled. Troubled.
He came over to her and sat next to her. The class wasn't going to start for another half hour at least, so he didn't mind having a small private session with her.
"What word are you thinking of, Yuka?" he said in Japanese. It was rare for him to use the language in English class, if ever.
"Troubled," she responded in kind. "Is something wrong?"
