It seemed only minutes later that Ebenezer was awakened again by the church clock striking 2. There seemed to be no such assured presence in his bedroom. "Jacob cannot keep to his post-mortem arrangements. Huh! Humbug!"
But seconds later, another brilliant light emerged again to the side of his bed. This was a more commanding presence than the previous ghost. No mistaking gender this time, he was fully bearded and a full head of ruddy hair. He wore a wreath on his brow stocked with plenty of berries and other small fruits. His robe was more plain, but still with a white ermine trim, but otherwise a sort of maroon velvet, not unlike Father Christmas. He brandished an ornate shiny lit metallic torch.
The way the robe only partly covered him is what caught the attention of the man in the bed more than anything else. It was not covered over and tied in the front so that one could witness much of his muscular form, covered in an appealing hirsute graze running patchwork down his front to a dense tufted pubic nest and beyond. Ebenezer could feel his covered gender organ twitch and bounce in appreciation.
But the apparition's peculiar penis was an object of some studied focus. Unusually large and hung low, it had a broad fat glans at the end, covered in a foreskin with a shriveled nub that extended at least an inch longer than would be expected. It looked as though it may have been the extended head of a defective shar-pei runt. Most perplexing was a cord that was tied around the shaft snug against a pronounced corona. It hung about 3 inches down from there, attached to a small glittering bell. The whole arrangement was reminiscent of the joke about the monks who, under their cowls, were made to wear bells hanging off their danglers.
"I am complimented by your interested attention and inspection of my gender organs, Scribner Ebenezer."
The man in the bed was startled to hear the specter speak and with such a male "basso profondo" of authority. "Er, I was just noticing it all comprises an unusual arrangement, spirit. Do you regularly present yourself in such unsociable exposure?"
What happened next startled the subject of new lessons in life, more than anything else. Of its own volition, the flaccid penis was able to wag itself up and down with enough rapidity that the attached bell rang a noisy high noted tinkle. "I'll wager you have never seen a bell jingle from such a trick, Scribner Ebenezer. With such talents as this, why should I ever cover myself?"
A disapproving look of disgust was suddenly cast over Ebenezer's face. "Is this supposed to be a joke? Am I supposed to be impressed by supernatural lewdness that among mortals would suggest that serious abnormalities at birth have taken place? God did not have it that we were born to be circus animals in some perverse burlesque show, spirit. Such a child would be in need of surgery, at the very least to pluck that perverse prepuce. . . You are the second ghost Jacob alerted me to expect this night. Tell me who are you?"
"I am the ghost of winter solstices present, Scribner, and for tonight, your festive present." The dangling organ wagged again, prompting another round of high noted but high volume jingle bell.
"I wish you would not do that again. Are you an old apparition, or new just for this occasion?"
"There have been many brothers before me, hearkening back to an age when hominids who walked the earth first noticed the change of seasons and that in this hemisphere, the sun would fade in the southern sky every year."
"Well judging from my experience, the creator of all of you has a warped sense of humor. It must of have been a ghost of great vulgarity who has been genesis of your kind."
Ebenezer still covered in his bed clothes winced as the ghost waved his penis up and down once again, summoning the annoying jingle of the little bell slung about by the motions. "How do you know our creator is not the god you worship and you assert created all mortal humans?"
"More like His archetypal opposite, Satan."
"Well I do not have time to argue such fine points of philosophy. Get your splendid mortal bare arse from that bed, and let us go about our business in this immediate community."
As the middle aged naked man climbed out of bed, "I trust I will be granted the same protective amenities?"
"You will be escorted with the same consideration as did my predecessor."
*****************
As soon as the mortal and the ghost slipped beyond the bedroom window, they were at the union hall in the town where the annual LGBT event is located. Naked Ebenezer scanned the room with a look as if he had caught a whiff of bad odor. There was a pastiche of wintry scenes with decor of the more pagan tradition of Christmas. The churchman was disapproving that there was no creche or other Christian nativity scene about.
They were among the first to have arrived. But Ebenezer noticed that one table was festooned with mostly members of the Crocker family. "There is that slacker, Bob Crocker. I nearly killed myself tonight because he did such a poor job of clearing the paths of the compound. I should sack him before Christmas."
"Christian mercy, huh?"
Ebenezer shot the spirit a frosty and unfriendly glare. "You don't know the people I have to deal with."
