It was all due to Barry. Barry my guardian angel of sorts. The guy who really showed me the way ahead.
The guy who patiently showed me how I should deal with my sexual leaning and really come out of myself.. In fact just come out and declare my sexuality without being ashamed because of the result of my strictly puritan upbringing that it was a sin to be anything but what was considered normal.
But thanks primarily to the internet for introducing me to a guy named Barry Hopkins - even if he was old enough (just) to be my father - that being if he had sired me at the age of sixteen..
Well he told me he had been married once but it came to a sticky end because of his turning to homosexuality which he had not realised until later.
Online we talked about just coming out with it, all the time I saying how difficult it was for me to do that with the sound of my Victorian type mother taking me across her knee and soundly span baking me after catching me with a screwdriver handle in my bum.
"That's what made me feel so abnormal" I told Barry. But I was simply discovering myself - discovering ways to gratify my secret sexual aspirations which made me feel good. But my mother put that all to asunder and it was not until I bought a computer and browsed the internet that I found someone like Barry who would put me to rights.
"We shall meet and get to know each other, then if you like you will be welcome to share a weekend at my place okay with you Pete?"
It was fine, Barry had a very posh place with a lovely garden and I felt very comfortable there, sitting in the veranda and enjoying the sun, both of us in our shorts and me feeling aroused by Barry wearing the slickest of white shorts displaying a very manly chest.
We got to talking a lot about our uttermost secrets.
"But they have no need to be secrets anymore with us, Pete Huh?"
And gently he gave me the confidence to tell him in great details what I use to do in the quest to find some sort of gratification, like inserting implements into myself - discovering just how deep I could go and how it gave me wonderful feelings twisting and bending it to stretch me inside.
"I guess we share alike" Barry said
"You mean you have done that?"
"Sure have, I did it with some flexible rubber piping which was a delightful experience, then placing a mirror along the side of my bed sop I could lay on the floor, twist and watch myself inserting a length into my ass."
"That's why I did. Not with a pipe but in front of a mirror" I said openly gaining confidence all the time as we shared a pot of coffee.
Barry laughed and talked about the things we do to get a climax when all the time. All we need is to find the rig guy to share with, to enjoy the real thing.
"I have dreamed of that frequently" I told Barry.
"Me too but my aspirations and my preferences turned out to be giving rather than taking"
I held my breath, was everything I had anticipated with our meeting about to disappoint.
"How do you mean Barry" I asked.