As the sun rose in the early morning, Helyah awoke from the deep sleep that he had succumbed to after having made passionate love to Jezmen. Helyah looked at his lover's face, and felt a longing to kiss his lips, his cheeks, his forehead. He understood that he was just as in love with Jezmen now as he had been when he believed the boy to be a maiden. Helyah was not a stranger to sexual encounters with young men. Often, young men were sent to battle with soldiers in order to provide a release for the soldiers that could otherwise be unavailable for weeks, months, or even years. Helyah himself had bedded with one or two of these young men during some of the longer battles in which he had fought. But this behavior was not frowned upon. It was much considered a necessity in order for the soldiers to fight as fiercely as possible.
However, had a soldier fallen in love with one of these young men, it would have been considered aberrant behavior. But Helyah could not help what he felt. He wondered if he had just really known all along, or had he really been deceived? He could not reason why he had wanted this maiden for so long, and so fervently, yet continued to desire Jezmen after the truth had been revealed to him.
"Your majesty?" Jezmen's whisper startled Helyah.
"Yes?" He replied.
"What..." Jezmen searched Helyah's eyes before continuing. "What will happen to me now?"
Helyah felt his heart sink. What would he reply? He wished more that anything that he could promise Jezmen a place in his life, by his side. But he couldn't.
"I will return you to your father." Helyah finally replied. He could not bring himself to look at Jezmen.
"I cannot go back." For the first time, Helyah heard Jezmen's voice in its full capacity. It shocked Helyah slightly. "I prefer death."
Helyah turned to look at him. Jezmen's eyes were fixed on the floor next to the bed.
"I've loved you ever since I was a child." Jezmen began to confess. "My parents were terrified that the Battle of Menil would still be ongoing when I reached the age of the compulsory draft. So, ever since I was a very young child, they raised me as a girl. They took great pains to ensure that the deceit would be successful. They even deceived me- for a time. I know they believed this to be the right course to take, but it must not have occurred to them how much pain it would cause me."
Helyah was tearing apart inside as he listened to his lover's confession. Jezmen's voice did not falter. It was as if this was his final day on earth, and he wanted to unburden himself of everything.
"I learned the truth in my twelfth year. I came upon a couple in the forest. The maiden wore a dress much like the ones that I wore. But then-then they began to remove each other's garments. That was the day that I understood why I felt so different from the other children. I approached my mother in tears. She tried to hold me while she explained, but I wanted nothing to do with her. She told me that my father was not to know about what I had learned because it would hurt him very much. So I continued to pretend that I did not know. I know not what they expected my future to be like."
Jezmen was silent for a brief moment, but continued. "I knew for certain that you visited the tavern to see me. I thought about you from dusk to dawn. I dreamt about how you would claim me as your own someday..." Jezmen finally turned to face Helyah, his eyes full of sadness. "I had convinced myself that you knew. That you wanted me as I was. That you could not-were not-deceived. But my father knew better. Didn't he?"
Helyah closed his eyes for a few moments before responding with a nod.
"Then why..." Jezmen choked back a sob. "Why did you take me last night? Were you only curious? Or did just want some satisfaction for the dowry that you paid?"
Helyah was torn. He loved Jezmen. He could not understand why. He had seen a beautiful maiden day after day, and had fallen in love with her feminine beauty, and for no other reason. Yet, with the truth revealed, the maiden-and her beauty-had vanished. And what was left in her place was a beautiful young man full of love for Helyah. But also full of sadness at the injustice that had been forced upon him. And Helyah had done nothing but create more pain for the young man.
"You can stay here then-as my guest. I will have the servants prepare a room for you" Helyah said.
"Your guest?" Jezmen rose from the bed, and searched for the gown that he had worn the previous night. Helyah stared at the boy's naked body, and felt a hunger for him again. He silently chastised himself for having felt that way. Jezmen found the gown, and slipped it on. "I suppose that I cannot demand any more from you considering it was my foolishness to believe a warrior king could love me as I am". He turned away to hide the tears running down his cheeks.
Helyah wanted to tell him what he really felt. But that was not an option. He could never let himself touch Jezmen again. He did not know how to stop feeling how did towards the young man, though. He knew this would be his toughest battle yet.
Weeks, then months passed, and Jezmen became colder in his manner towards the king. He averted his gaze often, and kept his conversations with Helyah as trivial as possible. The king was-for once-not in control of his surroundings.
On one particular morning, Jezmen managed to stun the king as he appeared in the gardens to greet Helyah with his beautiful, long golden mane, cut to just above his shoulders, tied back, and dressed as a lad in drawstring linen pants, and a tunic. Helyah stared at him in disbelief.
"Do you want all of the servants whispering about how I brought a boy to pleasure me, & then allowed him to live here as my guest?" Helyah growled through clenched teeth.
"So I am supposed to continue to disguise myself so that your warrior king reputation is not tarnished? So that you can stomach to look at me everyday and not be reminded of your weakness when you bedded a man?" Jezmen's voice was loud enough for the servants to hear from inside the castle.
