"Hey, hey...Shhh, you're alright, baby..." The whisper made him shiver delicately, his eyes fall shut at the soothing tones in that British voice that could only belong to one. All the fear faded rapidly, expelled with a sigh. Snuggling further into Ivan's embrace, Damien's lips, parted for an apology, trembled as the soft brushing of fingers down his back continued.
"Another nightmare? Don't worry, Dami, don't apologize..." Kissing a bare shoulder, Ivan closed his eyes before pulling away, tugging the younger's shirt collar into place. The pup gave a shuddering breath, his fingers grasping handfuls of fabric, of his shirt. Taking a dare, Ivan let his lips nuzzle a turned cheek; wide cinnamon brown locked onto his tendered green ones. For a single second, his lover stared at him with fear, the tiniest of flickers before a blink and a frail smile replaced the trigger reaction.
It was back to triggers, body memories, and endless nights of nightmares. Weeks of cuddling, wrapping protective arms around his younger, and relearning touch again.
That fact that this happened again matters...Doing this all over again though...
Smiling gently up at his lover, still snuggled into his side, elbow propped up, Ivan carefully tucked a few errant bangs behind an ear. If only his baby knew how far he'd go for him.
Damien looked away suddenly, not able to conceal the fact that tears had formed - he must have seen the love he felt. Sitting up, Ivan coaxed the younger to as well, and finally tried to get the other to draw his face from hiding.
"Oh, shhh, baby...No, no no..." A single touch to Damien's trembling shoulder was enough; his beloved, crying sweetheart turned and desperately held onto him, arms twining around chest. Whispering sweet words, Ivan pressed them even closer, rocking the other gently, shushing his sobs.
"I-I'm so sorry, Ivan! I still love you! I, what we wanted...I-I'm not yours. I-I couldn't, I didn't-" His heart was breaking, shattering, piercing his chest. It hurt everywhere even though the bruises and cuts had faded. Despite showering and scrubbing, he still smelt the liquor and sweat from the night before. Hiccuping, he kissed at Ivan's neck, trying to cease his cries. He couldn't now, not while he was another's mate. But he wanted to love, wanted it so much he began to cry again as he suckled fiercely, trailing down to Ivan's collarbone.
Hands rested on his shoulders, trying to pull him away.
"N-no! Ivan I want to, I won't be scared! I love you, n-not him! I just want, oh please let me go..." Realizing how pathetic he sounded, Damien turned his face away, collapsing within himself to cry into his hands. Nothing was going right. He fucked another, not Ivan. He never really got "better" after his first time and now he was the farthest from "better". Ivan didn't want to be touched anymore, didn't love him. His attempt to get closer again failed, his wrists taken in Ivan's strong grip, keeping him at a distance. His wasted tears were visible now, not even his soiled hands could hide his ugliness. His impurity.
"Damien, shhh, calm down, baby. I will let you go, but I ask you to stop kissing, nuzzling. It's driving me crazy." Lowering his voice, he pressed lips to one of the younger's clenched fists. The sobbing echoed around his houseboat, making it sound even more empty, if possible. Lips pursed, holding back his words, first reaction words that were of anger and rage at the man who caused his pup to hide. They had shuffled around on the bed, and now he was kneeling, sitting up tall whereas his lover was kneeling, slumped on the bed, lower than him. Doing so as well, keeping himself level, Ivan loosened his hold on the younger's wrists. Barely a second later, Damien tried again.
"Ivan! Don't you-"
The wavering plea when his lover said his name was already too much. Tears were starting to gather in his green eyes as they ran over the younger's. Swallowing back the stinging in his throat, Ivan cut him off,
"I do love you, sweetheart, I
always
will, no matter what happens. What happened earlier, it was not your fault. I-if anything, it's my fault, baby, you were waiting for me. I was too slow..." Damien bowed his head, hiding with his messy, matted hair that only happened when one slept with their hair unbound. Cooing gently, Ivan edged closer on his knees, sifting through locks, lightly resting fingertips on the other's damp cheeks,
"I still love you, Damien. But you're not ready for anything like this, not for a while. You were hurt bad, honey, and it takes time to heal. I can wait forever until you're ready, when we're ready. Dammit, I will wait for you!" His voice was now a whisper; to be shouting to get the strong emotion that pounded in his heart across wouldn't be wise.
This time he was ready for it, and locked his lover in an embrace only as tight as Damien wanted. Now he pressed kisses to the younger's exposed neck, trailed upwards. The Gods strike him down where he knelt - Ivan wanted nothing more than to go lower, strip and make love with the pup. Be as slow and gentle as possible, bring him to an end that would surely shatter him completely. It was twice now Damien had been dragged into sex unwillingly, not knowing what a truly pleasurable experience it was. It took everything in him to continue kissing up and not down.
"The pack leaders will let another mating ritual take place tonight so- oh no, no, Damien, not another run!" He kissed those quivering lips, "A marking ritual, just for you and me. We'll be mates, that bastard, you, and me. But I'll keep him way, I swear it! I'll kick his fucking ass from here to the next town if he ever touches you again." Between sentences, their lips met, "Then you can live here with me for as long as you want! Can you imagine it?" Closing his eyes, he buried his face into Dami's shoulder, the mere mentioning it made his heart flare. To live together as true lovers, to be able to touch and cherish everything.
They had done everything but sex, and even that was difficult. For Damien, the memories of being forced to give oral sex scared him, and for Ivan himself, was the fact how much his lover feared the past. The younger only did it once, entirely on his own - Ivan actually protested, seeing how much it troubled Dami - the British wolf had pleasured the pup more than once. Before even getting close to oral, it took months for Damien to grow accustomed to his company, even talking took a couple weeks. Damien had been in a coma when he was 16, sent into such a state by his boyfriend then, seven years Damien's senior. Such a naive creature Damien had been, coerced into sex by the second date. He was told that 'doing it' was supposed to hurt alot, and it was normal to romp every day. There was a day when Damien had said no, then was pinned down and was introduced to a "game".
It all ended with another fight one night, a push, and an 10 month hospital stay. At the time, Ivan had been Fourth in Command and was instructed to keep watch over the unconscious member of their pack. Not knowing the little pup by name, he had thought nothing of it, only felt minor concern that one of their own had taken such brutality without any of the wolves knowing. It had been a shock to match a familiar face to the name that was earlier, unimportant.
By the time the young one woke up, his apartment was no longer there, the building gone. The boyfriend was gone, sentenced to death for attempting to kill off a pack member and one so young. So Ivan's care extended, and without anywhere else to go, Damien came to live on the houseboat.
"We've still got four hours before nightfall, sweetheart, how about you get some more rest?"
"I, c-can you stay here with me until I fall asleep?"
"I always do, and even while you're sleeping, I'm gonna stay."
*
The desire for some sort of drink with a kick in it was strong, an itching of his tongue. It had been a long time since he drank, Marie had not like the habit he had when she joined the pack, took interest in him. It wasn't even a day and already he was back to being an alcoholic.
That crap could probably kill me faster...
