Adrenaline fueled me back to Raleigh.
It was daunting to realize that everything I had worked for all my life was suddenly slipping through my fingers. It wasn't just the job I was afraid of losing. I loved my work and there wasn't a day that I regretted what I did. I was a proud American that loved serving my country. I think what was troubling me most was the fear of losing the strides I had made over the past year in my personal growth.
I had waited over thirty years to work through whom I really was and what I wanted without questioning whether I had made the correct decision. My feet were planted firmly on the ground. I even met someone that I connected with something I never imagined would ever happen. The best part was the revelation that when I was with Lawrence I wasn't afraid of the feelings I had for him. Everything just seemed right. Lawrence was just so much more than the job, more than any of the material possessions I owned but more importantly he was more than my 'it's all about me' attitude - a state of mind I had lived in for too many years. Finally I wanted to be an 'us'.
It all boiled down to the simple fact that I didn't want to lose Lawrence.
It dawned on me half way back to Raleigh that if I wanted to keep what I had there was only one clear-cut reality - I had to get Prince Abdullah before he got me.
~*~
Atlanta Georgia didn't have the largest Muslim population in the United States but it did have an upcoming Muslim Unity Conference where the President of the United States was the opening keynote speaker and Prince Abdullah was the closing keynote speaker. In between there was to be four days filled with lectures, workshops, prayer, and updates from around the world on Islamic social reform.
Because the President was giving the keynote the Secret Service had locked down many of the particulars of the conference. The news reporting agencies were left guessing at the number of people that were expected to attend, where the President would be staying and more importantly where, his good friend, Prince Abdullah would also be residing during the conference. Normally I would have a team of people behind me that had access to all that information but the sad reality was I was on my own and had to make do with what I could find on my own.
The one thing I was counting on was Abdullah's ego to carry forth to Atlanta. The weekend Al and I spent with him in Dubai I noted that he wasn't as security conscious as I thought he should be. On the lobby level of the high rise there were two armed guards on duty twenty-four/seven. He had a private elevator that only went to the penthouse level and it opened right into the penthouse. I noted that there were no armed personnel in the penthouse itself. There was a camera in the elevator and cameras in the stairwells but for the benefit of his guests and his 'hobbies' there were none in the penthouse itself. I remember even commenting to Al about the lack of security and he just shrugged it off saying that Abdullah believed that Allah protected him and didn't like too many people knowing his personal business.
When Abdullah came to Damascus and stayed with Al for four days he was accompanied by his manservant and one armed guard/driver who was relieved of his duty when Abdullah was safely ensconced in the house. Again he didn't feel the need to be surrounded by armed security.
It was my fervent hope that he would feel the same way about his trip to Atlanta.
The conference was scheduled to start on Thursday evening. I knew that Abdullah wouldn't miss the President speak, especially given the rumors the President secretly prayed to Allah, so he would definitely be in Atlanta by Thursday. I was putting my money on his arrival to be either Tuesday or Wednesday so he was well rested before the conference started.
Again, Abdullah's ego always forced him to put his best face forward.
I had only been in Abdullah's company twice, the weekend in Dubai and the four days in Damascus. He made a point of calling Al and me on a regular basis to see how we were getting on constantly questioning our sexual adventures we were sharing.I learned a lot about him over that six month period with the biggest revelation being that religion ruled Abdullah's life and he preferred to surround himself with similar people.
He only conducted business with Arabs and more specially Muslims. The only time I ever knew of him to associate with a non-Arab, non Muslim was with his sexual playthings and that was because Allah forbade his followers to commit sodomy. I never could reconcile his hypocritical thinking on that, especially since he and Al had been lovers for so many years but it was not my place to judge what other people did or thought.
What he did or thought I was hoping that Abdullah was going to adhere to his self imposed bigotry against non Muslims with regards to the accommodations he would chose to stay at in Atlanta. Given my reasoning I immediately cut three of the top five luxury hotels because they were either Jewish owned or controlled. The other luxury hotel was owned by Asians leaving the fifth and most likely candidate to be the owned by a conglomerate that owned several hotels in Dubai, London and United States. I was putting all my eggs in this basket and hoped upon hope that I truly knew Abdullah well enough.
A random thought drew me away from the present back to Damascus and the week that Abdullah visited.
~*~
Abdullah was due to arrive to Al's house sometime in the late afternoon. Al was a bundle of nerves over the impending visit. Abdullah rarely ventured to Syria and when he did they normally went directly to his house in the country which was larger and more opulent than the mere four thousand square foot, five bedrooms, six bath house he kept in the city.
Al had gone to his office for a few hours to handle a minor crisis and asked me to stay at the house in the event that Abdullah arrived earlier than planned. I noticed that his voice was strained and before he left he pulled me in his arms and held me tightly against him. I could feel his heart beating hard against mine.
"Are you okay?" I asked pulling back slightly. I had never seen him like this before.
"Yes...I'll be okay. As soon as this wedding is over and our life returns back to normal I'll be better. I don't look forward to not having you to myself for the next week. I'm greedy that way." He gave me his best crooked smile but I could see it was faked and filled with unsaid dread.
I knew that Al's feelings for me ran deeper than mine were for him. For the past six month I worked diligently to keep him at arm's length. The sex with him was still good and over the past few weeks he had been opening up more and more to me about his life and how he sees his future - a future that included me at his side.
"We'll have some fun with Lolly here." I said trying to placate him, only it seemed to work in reverse as his entire demeanor seemed to sag.
"Lolly enjoys being with you." He stated letting me go walking away from me.
"I am yours." I yelled after him but I knew my words fell on deaf ears. Al was fighting a demon I couldn't help him with so my best stance was to give him the space he needed. After he left me standing alone in the bedroom I couldn't help but wonder if the minor crisis that took him away was planned to give Abdullah time alone with me.
The answer came less than an hour later.
Just as it had been in Dubai, Abdullah had repeated himself when he walked into the bedroom. He was a beautiful sight to behold but I couldn't hide the disappointment I felt towards Al that once again he had kowtowed to his loving Lolly.
