They had been living together for over a month now, and Connor finally began seeing Neil brighten up. He painted all day, everyday. As soon as he had gotten out of the hospital, he had applied to an art school.
"Don't you think it's a little soon?" Connor asked.
"We're not really having this discussion again, are we?" Neil frowned.
"I just think that you should give yourself some time. Maybe take an art class," Connor suggested.
"Am I not good enough?" Neil asked, knowing full well that that wasn't what Connor meant.
"I don't mean it like that! I just mean that you're new to the whole artist thing, aren't you? Give it some time. What if you don't like it?" Connor asked.
"Then I'll drop out," Neil shrugged.
"You say it like it's so easy," Connor frowned.
"Because it is," Neil smiled bitterly.
"Come on, Neil. I think you're moving too fast for your own good. Why do you want to go so fast?" Connor asked, as Neil shuffled through the mail quickly, looking for his letter.
"Is it so bad that I want to move on with my life? I don't want to be 'that guy who got in a car accident and lost his arm'. Maybe I want to be somebody else," Neil said, throwing the mail down on the table. "I'm done with this conversation." Neil began retreating to his room.
"You mean you don't want to face Dalton," Connor crossed his arms. Neil stopped in his doorway, his hand on the frame. "I hear you at night, Neil. I know you're having nightmares. Just talk to me about it. Maybe... maybe even talk to Dalton."
"No."
"As much as I hate his guts, I think it's what you need right now. You have to face this." Connor chased after him, into his bedroom.
"Leave me alone."
"No, I won't just abandon you. I want to help you, Neil. I want you to get better. I think you're doing great, but you're hiding from your problem. You're acting like nothing happened, you're just pretending like you changed your mind about what you wanted to do with your life. You were in a car accident, Neil. You lost an arm. Everything changed. Your boyfriend is now the bad guy. You're scared, and you won't admit it!" Connor shouted, knowing he was probably going to far.
"You think I don't know that? You think I don't get dressed in the morning and realize I'm missing a limb? You think I don't miss Dalton so bad it hurts, but I also hate him just as much? Well I do. I stay up at night and think about what happened. I wake up in the morning and try to fix everything that happened, but I can't. I just can't!" Neil shouted. The silence was deafening. They stared at each other in silence and Neil finally turned, and shut the door behind him. Connor sighed. He walked up to the door and put his head against it.
"Neil...?" he called out softly. "Neil, I'm sorry," he said a little louder. There was no answer. "Neil, come on. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I know how much you're going through and I wish I could help. I wish I could fix it," he said. "I wish I could take your pain away..." he whispered to himself. When there was no answer, he sighed and went to his own room.
~~~~~~~~~
Connor was fixing dinner later that day, and still hadn't heard a word from Neil. Not a peep. He kept checking the door, listening for any sign of movement in the room. He was beginning to worry when he told Neil dinner was ready, and there was no answer. He fought with himself for a moment. If he just barged in, it wouldn't be fair to Neil. That was his space, he couldn't break that. But on the other hand, what if Neil was really hurting? What if he was just sitting in the corner and crying? Finally, Connor sighed and went to eat dinner alone.
He was about halfway through his meal when he heard a loud thump from Neil's room. He looked up and listened for a second.
"Neil?" he called out, but there was no answer. "Privacy broken," he mumbled to himself, and stood up. He ran to the door and knocked loudly. "Neil? I'm coming in if you don't answer me," he said. There was no answer. Finally he reached for the door knob, and scowled when he found it locked. Without a second's hesitation, he slammed his shoulder into the door. "Ow..." he winced, holding his shoulder. He stepped back and kicked it. Once, twice, three times and the door caved in.
"Neil?" he called out, looking around the dark room. A chair was knocked over, the legs pointing into the closet. He stepped towards the closet. "Neil!" Connor shouted. Neil hung from the bar of the walk in closet, that would normally be used to hang clothes. His toes dangled just inches above the ground. Connor rushed to help him and noticed just in time that his body surged with electricity. He paused before throwing his own well being out the window. He grabbed Neil's waist and lifted him up as best he could, allowing him to take in some air. He screamed in pain as the current flowed through his own body. He let go of Neil, hanging him again after only the short breath of air. He stepped back, cursing. He tried to steady his shaking body and reached for Neil again, using all his strength to lift him up high enough that the noose slipped over his head. They both fell to the floor. Connor groaned in pain, looking down at the electrical burns on his arms. Blisters were already forming on the once smooth skin. Neil coughed and choked, gagging as he tried to take in as much air as he could, his body forcing him to breath.
"I'm sorry..." Neil choked. Eventually the heaving gasps for air turned into sobbing coughs. "I'm sorry," Neil repeated. Connor grabbed him, ignoring the pain in his arms. He hugged him close to his chest, tucking his head under his chin.
"Don't you EVER scare me like that again, understand?" Connor said. Neil nodded through his tears, trying to wiggle even closer to Connor for the comfort he provided. Connor let his own tears fall and they sat in the closet, crying, for an hour until both of them fell asleep.
~~~~~~~~~
Connor awoke with Neil still tucked under his chin, his arms wrapped around Neil's smaller chest. Neil's hand had threaded its way up and was holding onto Connor's right shoulder. Their legs had tangled together during the night, and Neil was drooling on his chest. He groaned and stretched.
"Neil, wake up," Connor shook him gently. Neil mumbled something incoherently, before snuggling deeper into Connor's chest. Connor sighed. He began unwrapped his arms from around Neil, and screamed. Neil finally jumped awake to see Connor gritting his teeth in agony.
"What? What? Jesus, your arms!" Neil shouted, grabbing Connor's arms without thinking about it, Connor cried out again. "Sorry!" Neil apologized, holding his arms more gently. "J-just stay here, let me get the first aid kit," he said, stumbling off to the bathroom. He came back a few seconds later, the red and white kit in hand. He opened the box and pulled out some disinfectant.
"...This is going to hurt," he warned. Connor nodded and Neil treated his arms carefully, Connor kicking his legs in pain as Neil bandaged his burns. "We should probably get you to a hospital..." Neil said.
"Forget about me, for a second. How could you try something like that, Neil? You scared me to death!" Connor said.
