A South Georgia Secret

It must have been a little after midnight when she finally stopped rustling around in her sleep. I have always looked forward to this time of night because it is the only time that I can be my true self. I carefully peeled back the sheets and started my voyage to the edge of the bed. Ever so slightly I nudged my hips inch by inch closer to sweet freedom. She is a fairly light sleeper and in the past if I have moved too quickly, she has thrown her arm over to touch me. It’s almost like subconsciously she knows that I long to be away from her, and she grasps to keep me here. If she does reach for me, that generally tacks on another hour of wait time for my escape plan. After a solid 5 minutes of wiggle and wait, I was able to eventually swing my legs off of the bed and tip-toe my way out of our bedroom.

I haven’t always given in to these urges. However, in recent years the struggle between being a loving and attentive husband and living my life authentically have weighed on me. Stifling these urges has only led me to desire them more, despite avoiding all circumstances that may make me think about them. It wasn’t until about 6 months ago that I started this nightly routine, and now that I’ve started, I don’t think I can stop.

As I crept into the living room, I was shrouded in excitement and just a hint of shame. On one hand, I knew what I was doing was wrong... But on the other hand, knowing that it was wrong was what brought on over half of my adrenaline. I made my way through the house and silently walked out of the back door. I have a pretty decent size shop in the backyard where I do some recreational woodworking and work on other peoples’ cars. It’s not the nicest shop in the world but it’s my safe haven and I spend the majority of my time home tinkering with different projects in there. My wife usually leaves me alone when I come out here, so it’s become a dual-purpose area of sorts.

When I got out to the shop, I opened the door and turned on the lights. I’ve got an AC unit out here that helps combat the South Georgia heat and some old couches incase any of my buddies want to hang out. My tools are carelessly strewn all over the place without rhyme or reason and I like it that way. I know where everything is and that’s all that matters. I shut the shop doors and lay on the couch keying in my password on my phone.

After a couple strokes of the keypad I pull up my favorite porn site and start running through the newest uploads. I don’t just go for the first thing that comes my way, so by page three I finally landed on something that piqued my interest. Two brunettes, one of them with a slim build and the other one incredibly cut with glistening abs and shoulders for days. They looked like they were in a mechanic shop, with the incredibly cut guy on top and the slim younger guy on bottom. I wish I had a body like the incredibly cut guy, but I’m about as lanky as all get out and can’t gain muscle mass to save my life.

Man, I LOVE these straight guy videos. It started off with the guys casually working on a sweet old school Mustang and led to them having an awkward moment where they brushed hands and at that point the smokin’ top pulls the slim bottom in for a deep kiss. I want something like this to happen to me SO bad that I can literally feel the precum bulging out of me. My cock feels like all the blood in my body suddenly flooded to it, and I grab it to ease the mildly painful pulsing from the pressure. As the top pushes the bottom’s head to his dick I leaned my phone against the couch and pinched my nipples. Fuck. I wanted to taste him so bad. At this point I’m stroking myself and add a little extra spit to my hand just to try and simulate the feeling of one of their mouths on me.

By the time the top pushed the bottom on the ground and yanked down his pants, I was ready to explode. The idea of some premium built guy forcing himself inside of me sent streams of thick white cum all over my stomach. I lay there panting for a few minutes, still watching as the two brunettes went at it and finally grabbed a shop towel to clean myself up. I pulled my boxers back on, cleared my search history and cache and walked back to the house.

If my wife ever found out my secret, I know that she would leave and never look back. I honestly can’t blame her. I just worry that she will have trouble supporting herself and I don’t want to miss out on watching our daughter grow up. It’s incredibly selfish of me to keep up this rouse, but we’ve made it this far. What’s another twenty years?

Have I had thoughts about doing more than just watching porn since we got married? Fuck yes, I have. One time while my wife was away visiting family, I downloaded Grindr and exchanged pics with some guys on there. I ended up meeting a guy off Craigslist in a parking lot and sucking him off. No shit, that guy came so much I thought it was going to come out of my nose. Sometimes I still jerkoff while thinking about it.

I’m pretty picky when it comes to guys though. I am not a fan of Twinks at all, and I don’t really care for Bears. I’m just looking for a younger guy like me that could pass as straight to come fuck me and go. Bonus points if we can work on some cars or build something after. I don’t think I’ll ever meet anyone like that though. I live in the Bible Belt and these good ‘ole boys don’t drop their drawers like they ought to.

Speaking of Bible Belt, let me tell you about my fucked-up upbringing that I’m pretty sure made me this way. Skipping ahead to the legal age of 18, of course. My two older cousins were brothers and lived about 20 minutes away from me. Often times I would hang out with them every weekend at my Aunts house and we would all go to church on Sunday. My Aunt worked on the weekends as a caregiver for an elderly old man, so she was barely home. However, she would always swing by to grab us to take us to church with her.

Well, being that we were teenage boys’ home alone, one day we decided to look up some porn and jerk off together. One thing led to another, and the older of my two cousins decided to pull up some gay porn. He asked if I had ever had a blowjob before, and I said no. He asked me if I wanted one and said no one would have to know and it was just something we could do to see what it felt like. I was pretty interested, I mean, I heard that it was something desirable and I said sure. I was pretty nervous, I knew that what we were doing wasn’t necessarily right, but I guess my hormones got ahold of me and I was hard anyway.

He told me to sit on the couch, and got down on his knees in front of me. My pants and underwear were around my ankles and my dick was standing at attention. His hot breath made my cock twitch and I was so nervous that I closed my eyes. When he put his mouth on me, it was unlike any sensation I had ever felt. My whole body was trembling as he worked up and down, swirling his tongue around every inch of me. Looking back, I don’t even think I lasted a whole minute. After I came, he was genuinely surprised, and commenced in coughing up my cum. I remember him saying it tasted really gross and asking me how I felt.

How did I feel? Slightly shameful, but mostly amazing. I wanted to do that all the fucking time. The younger of my two cousins asked if I’d mind doing it for him because he would feel super gross having his brother suck him off. I kindly obliged of course. His cock was fat, but pretty short. I easily could fit all of him in my mouth and when my tongue touched his dick it felt like warm satin in my mouth. His skin was so soft and it was like I was performing a textural symphony in my mouth. I lapped at his cock like I had seen the pornstars do it countless times. When I thought it was time for him to cum, I pulled his dick out of my mouth and let the streams fall on my tongue. I remember thinking, “That didn’t taste too bad at all” and rationalizing that cum tastes a little bit like soap.

My older cousin asked I could help him get off as well, and I agreed. He was a lot bigger, his girth had to have been at least double that of his brothers and he was a solid 3 inches longer. When I fit most of him into my mouth, he was much more aggressive and it felt like he had done this before. He grasped for the back of my head and started to bob me a lot quicker than I was comfortable with. I started gagging on him, but he wouldn’t let up. I remember tears forming in my eyes from the discomfort and him rocking his hips while plunging himself down my throat. I drooled over him uncontrollably and after about 5 minutes he pulled my head away and launched cum all over my face, hair, and neck. I was pissed.

We never really talked about that day when all three of us were together. I think that my cousins were ashamed of what had happened. There were times though were I would be alone with one of them and they would ask me if I wanted to suck them off and have them suck me off in return. Honestly, I always agreed. I started to really look forward to spending time with them because I was always so horny. It was a few months later, when I was spending time with my youngest cousin at my house that we took things to the next level.

We had been playing videos games on the family computer when my mom said she would be heading to the grocery store for a little bit. When my mom left, we got the bright idea to look up some gay porn and try to learn some new blowjob techniques. My cousin and I spent quite some time watching different porn videos and we were both extremely hard. My cousin suggested that we try anal to see if it was as pleasurable as the videos made it look. I had been considering it, and since my mom was likely to be away for a couple hours, I said we could try it out.

We ended up going out to the garage where we knew we could be discreet. My cousin offered to let me fuck him first, but when he pulled down his pants and got on his hands and knees on the concrete floor, I just couldn’t get hard at all. I guess I was just really anxious about the whole ordeal. After a few minutes of trying to awake my comatose cock, I opted to just let him fuck me first. I didn’t really know what to expect as I put my elbows and knees on the cold concrete. I presented my virgin ass to him, and he proceeded to try and jam himself in me. I remember feeling a sharp pain, and my whole spine arched up as I pulled away from him.

“Hey man take it EASY!”, I shouted. He apologized for his eagerness and opted to put a fistful of spit on his manhood and gently approached my sensitive entry-point. I felt pressure, and a slow burning pain as he nudged himself inside of me. His cock was short, but that bastard was thick. I was regretting allowing him to do this, but I was unwilling to push him away for fear that it would hurt worse once he left me. After what felt like 500 years, the entirety of himself was finally inside of me, and he started to form a rhythmic gyration. I don’t know if my body was just in shock or what, but after a few minutes the pain eased away and I started to feel a slow building pleasure. It was like he was touching a sensitive part of me, that up until this moment, I had no idea existed.

His nuts were clapping against mine, and my now semi-hard dick was swinging back and forth as he started to pick up pace. At this point, I found myself falling into a chasm of pleasure and pain and I started to meet him with my ass on every stroke. He started to utter senseless words and sounds as his pleasure was coming to its peak. I felt my own cup of pleasure begin to fill, and as I started teetering to the edge of overflowing, he slammed himself against me and collapsed upon my back. “Fuck dude”, he huffed as he slid out of me and lay on his back across the concrete floor, “that was unreal.”

I was rock hard at this point, and my balls were starting to ache from the pressure that had built within them. I wanted to ride those waves of pleasure. I told him to roll over so I could see just how unreal it felt. Now, I’m about 6’2 with a real slender build. My cousin was a solid 5’7” and on the chubbier side. It was kind of awkward to get a comfortable angle with him on all fours, so I put one knee on the ground and had my other leg propped up in a 90-degree angle with my foot on the floor. I was a lot more graceful when I approach his hole, and made sure I had sufficient lubrication for the job. When I pressed myself against him, he was hot and incredibly tight.

As I eased inside of him, he let out a shriek and pulled away. I waited for him to resituate himself, and I tried to ease inside of him again. This time, I felt him tighten up, but after a minute or two of staying stationary, he began to relax. I pushed a bit further inside of him and god it felt so good. It was like the tightest, hottest blowjob I had ever received. I felt my cup begin to fill again as I began moving my dick in and out of him. I grasped at his hips and pulled him to me as I started to lose control. I wanted to make this moment last forever so I groped my balls in an attempt to slow myself down from cumming too fast.

I could tell that he must have been feeling that same secret pleasure that I had felt because he too began to rock into me, only exacerbating my need for release. Around this time, I dug my fingers into his hips and starting plunging myself as deep as I could into him. Within what felt like only a couple moments, I felt my pleasure burst out of me and spill deep inside of him. I pulled myself out of him and bit my lip. That was single-handedly the best thing I had ever felt in my entire life, and I wanted more.

A few weeks after that initial fuck, I found myself alone with my older cousin. He had always been really rough when it came time for me to suck him off, so I wondered what it would be like for him to fuck me. We had never really talked about doing much more than the occasional blow job, but I was aching for some cock in me and I decided to make my move. We were out riding four-wheelers down an old trail in my Aunts neighborhood when I stopped by an old oak tree in a secluded area. I was already partially hard just because I had been planning to let him inside of me the whole time we had been riding.

He didn’t realize that I had stopped, so he circled back and asked me what was going on. I started to rub myself on the outside of my jeans and he understood that I was looking to get off of more than just the four-wheelers. He came over and put his hand on my manhood then took my hand and placed it inside of his basketball shorts. After a few minutes of us fondling each other, I pulled his basketball shorts down and started to polish his favorite appendage with my lips and tongue. He groped my head and began his twisted game of choking me with his cock, and then releasing me to gasp for air. When I knew he was getting close, I pulled away and asked him if he wanted to bend me over the four-wheeler and take me from behind.

He was taken aback at my advance. “Hey man, I’m not some fag,” he said while shoving me backwards. I knew he was just trying to save face, and I let him know that I didn’t care what he was but the offer was on the table if he wanted it. I could see him mulling over the situation and I decided to try to make the deal a little sweeter. “Hey man, if you try it and don’t like it, I’ll finish sucking you off and we can pretend this never happened.” He nodded his head and I excitedly peeled my jeans off.

I felt powerful. I manipulated him into doing exactly what I wanted, and he forced me to bend over the seat of my four-wheeler. In a matter of seconds, I felt the solid weight of him against my backside as he fumbled to put himself inside of me. I reached around to help guide him, and felt the sudden rush of pain as all 7 inches of him force their way into my cavity. He moaned so loud that it made my soft dick turn as solid as steel. As I suspected, he was not gentle in the least. He worked my spot in such a way that I could feel precum oozing out of me. I wanted him to fuck me so hard that I would bleed, and he worked tirelessly to make that happen.

After a few minutes I could feel the buildup of my pleasure along every fiber in my body. It was like every molecule of my being was in euphoria. I started to moan, and he pushed my head down hard against the side of the four-wheeler. “Don’t--- you—make--- a—sound--- you--- fucking--- faggot”, he panted as he tore into me faster. I felt myself reach a climax unlike anything I had ever felt before. I wasn’t even touching my cock and it began to spring into action dumping loads of cum across the side of my four-wheeler. I couldn’t hold in the sounds of my pleasure and I let out a loud gasp and felt him clench his fist in my hair. He slammed himself into me and let out a moan while saying a long, “Fuuuuuuck”.

When he pulled away from me, he looked at me somberly and told me if I ever said anything about this that he would fucking kill me. As if I’d be willing to just candidly tell someone that I coerced my cousin to fuck me. I pulled up my jeans, and didn’t even bother to ask him if I could fuck him back. I wasn’t about to push my luck today. Maybe sometime in the future though. I’m sure he’d be coming back for seconds.

My next opportunity to feel some warm manhood inside of me didn’t come around again until Christmas of that year. And let me just say, it was the best present that any boy could hope for. My older cousin and I were tasked with wrapping gifts from “Santa” for the younger kids in our family while our parents were out doing last minute Christmas shopping. We hadn’t really acknowledged the day on the four-wheeler since it had happened and my cousin hadn’t even asked me to blow him so I figured that our sexual arrangement was no longer active. (I was still swapping oral with this brother whenever we had time together, but he was not as interested in fucking me as I wished he would be.) While we were wrapping presents, my cousin started asking me if I was still doing stuff with his brother. I lied and said I wasn’t, because I figured if my other cousin wanted him to know that he would have just told him.

While we were sitting there, my older cousin said that he was glad his brother wasn’t messing around with me because he didn’t want him to turn into some kind of fag. I internally giggled at his ignorance, but agreed and kept wrapping presents. A little while started to pass and my cousin asked me if I thought I was a fag. I told him that I don’t think that just because something feels amazing that it meant you had to be fag.

He chewed on that for a minute and said, “Yeah, it does feel really awesome to put my dick in your ass.” God, I had to stifle my excitement and try to play it cool so I wouldn’t spook him. “Yeah, I think it feels pretty good too. Have you been able to do anything like that since that day?” He focused on the present he was wrapping and sighed, “No. I haven’t even really been able to get off since then. Like, jerking off just doesn’t cut it anymore.” I could feel my dick starting to lengthen as I anticipated what he was going to say next. I continued to play it cool and said, “Well, I mean, I can’t even imagine how backed up you must feel dude. I have to jack off at least once a day or I start to go crazy...” He finished wrapping the present, and looked at me, “Yeah man. It is like the worst case of blue balls I’ve ever felt and I don’t know how to make it go away.”

At this point, I decided to shoot my shot. “I mean, I know you’re not gay, dude, but if you need some relief, I’m always here for you.” My cousin set the present that he had been wrapping down, and leaned into me. My heart was in my throat as he started to unbutton my Levi’s and tugged them to my knees. My cock sprung out of my pants and slid out of the slit in my boxers. He tugged gently at me and started to work his mouth down me like I was a popsicle on a hot summer day. He slid my man-meat out of his mouth, and started to work it with his hands while he sucked my balls into his mouth one at a time. He rolled them around like a pair of tea bags that he was trying to help seep in a warm glass of water. I let out a deep moan and he went back to trying to win the ultimate prize with my joystick.