A Submissive's Journey

AUTHOR'S NOTE

This is a story about a young man exploring his sexuality and finding out he is a gay submissive. It is rather long and not all about sex so if you are looking for a quickie you might want to look elsewhere. This is a fantasy. All characters are over the age of 18. Please enjoy.

*****

I stayed there for a minute in a kind of shock. Seconds ago the only things that were registering in my tunnel vision trance were the man above me and the hardness filling my mouth. Now my senses started to come back. My lips, still slightly parted as if expecting more man meat, felt faintly numb. The video monitor flickered its faint light. The speaker next to it produced loud rhythmic moans.

Looking up, I saw a blonde, curly-haired, heavy-chested woman, bouncing up and down on a man in feigned ecstasy. It brought me out of my reverie. I listened for other sounds, and down the hall I heard a couple of other porn reels playing. I wasn't alone there, must be more people.

Suddenly, a wave of shame washed over me, and the reality of what I had just done hit me hard. Conscious thought left me. I quickly jumped up, gathered myself and proceeded to flee the building.

Lost were thoughts of why I came in the first place; to find a lady and masturbate to her or even to pleasure myself to the video on the screen in front of me. I tucked my penis up high so it wouldn't show in its hard state, pulling my shirt down over the front and tried to walk as nonchalantly as I could to the exit.

There was no one in the hallway and only some guy looking at the mags along with the clerk out front. I kept my head down and eased my way out as naturally as I could. It felt like there was a wave of energy pushing me out of that building. Soon it deposited me outside.

I looked at my watch and realized that there still was about twenty minutes before the next bus came. While I was uncomfortable in the bookstore from what had just happened there, I was almost more self-conscious out here at the bus stop.

It seemed to me that every person that passed me by had intricate and detailed knowledge of my actions in that booth. The feeling I got was a mixture of disgust and a sort of warmth brought on by the taboo and the risk of it all.

Time passed slowly, too much so for me, and as much as I wanted to simply just keep my head down and have the bus come and take me home to where I was safe. My thoughts returned to being back in that booth and the man standing there holding his cock in his hands and my groin stirred again. This made me uncomfortable. I tried desperately to think of some of the girls in my class that were attractive and to my pleasure I found that I still responded favorably to them.

I almost wanted to go back into that booth and put on a reel and jack off, but there was still this nagging part of me that was scared if I went back in there I would revert back into that. What I had done.

The bus came and everyone ignored me to a suitable fashion. The further away I got from the downtown area, the better I felt and more like my old self. That was just a passing thing and I had experimented. No one knew any different so I could put it out of my mind and just carry on. I was really going to have to start manning up though and hitting on girls. Maybe I should try the fraternity after all. They said something about getting me laid, didn't they?

By the time I walked into my dorm I was sure that everything was back to normal. I was still horny as hell though, since I hadn't actually gotten off myself back at the rundown shop, so I pulled out the yearbook and opened it to the hottest chick I knew and started stroking it.

Over in over in my mind I was thinking about how hot she was, not allowing my mind to wander freely. I was afraid I would slip into that fantasy of the girl wanting me to do something to a guy for her. In my mind I was on top of her and banging her pussy intensely and she was going crazy for it. Shortly, I came and fell back on the bed, spent and relieved. I had made it. Every thing was going to be just fine.

-

Finals finished up quickly and I went home for the Christmas break. Being in the comforting, familiar surroundings of the family home brought back a feeling of normalcy for me. I spent a lot of time in my room reading or just watching TV or playing video games with my younger brother.

It was a little odd though. Even though I was in my same room as I had been since childhood, and everyone welcomed me and treated me the same, there was a feeling in my heart that I was somehow a visitor; that my moving onto college had changed things. I guess it was just growing up.

There wasn't a whole lot of conversation with my parents themselves, which was not in the least unusual. They loved me in their way, but they were a bit distant. Most of anything that was said was done over the table at dinner.

Father went on and on about his finances and how they couldn't just keep sending me money and just generally guilting me to death for even existing. To get him to shut up, I told him that I would go out and look for a job first thing when I got back. I needed one anyway to get more independent so I wouldn't have to listen to him if nothing else.

Before long the few weeks of break were over and I returned to campus. My mother had slipped me a few bills without Dad knowing so I was going to be ok for a while, but I knew that I had to follow up on my promise to find a job soon or it would get brushed under the table if I procrastinated.

Restaurants, work study, little shops down on the strip., you name it I just walked door to door and put in applications. I wasn't really that particular at the moment and I figured if a job sucked I could just quit and get another one. It wasn't like I really had a need for one.

In a couple days I received a call from a local grocery store that needed a night stocker. It wasn't ideal from a time standpoint, but I figured what the heck it was only a few nights a week and I was a night owl anyways. Plus, the job sounded stupid easy.

We worked in a shift of like five guys just facing stuff up on the shelves and putting out the occasional box of stuff that needed replacing. It seemed more like a job for two or three people actually working with any speed, but I didn't complain and even slowed down when my co-workers told me I was finishing up too fast.

My boss was this kind of middle-aged guy named Tom. I think he was probably only like forty tops, there wasn't any gray hairs or anything, but when your going to college damn near everyone else looks like a grandpa to you. He had kind of a ruddy face like he drank too much and a slight beer belly to match, but what do you expect from a guy that babysits kids stocking shelves all night.

Most of the time he just sat back in his office doing god knows what. There were these little cameras all over the roof and you could just imagine him watching you working so you never really slacked off the whole way, but you didn't really try all that hard either.

I had really intended on going up to the fraternity and getting involved up there. When I got horny I thought about it more, because I simply wasn't any good at meeting girls on my own. The problem was I didn't really have time to pledge frat with the job now and I told the guys that maybe I would do it next year.

With the work being at night and all I had to change my sleeping up. Before I had a pretty normal schedule for a college kid. Stay up at night till past midnight and then crash and get up late, rush around for classes and so on. Now, however, I had to change it to accommodate the late night hours.

What seemed to work best in the long run is I would sleep in the evenings getting up for work all night and then go to classes in the day after that crashing in the afternoon & evening until it was time for work again.

Its crazy how much a little thing like a sleeping schedule can affect your whole life. Now, when I went to class in the morning I had already been up for half a day and was wide awake while the other students were still shaking of the cobwebs. In the evening I would be sleeping while every one was out socializing and partying.

Already a pretty reclusive person, this even pushed me further away into my own world. My nights with no work were very quiet for my studies and the weekends when I didn't have class I still had the whole day ahead of me after work to figure out what to do.

It probably isn't a big surprise that I would end up doing stuff with people that were on the same timeframe that I was, so when my boss asked me if I wanted to head to a bar after work the one day it seemed natural to go with him.

He was pretty much a local in town and they had their own bars. You didn't go to the loud party bar with Tom; you went to a quieter more rundown place like The Stands. I'm not sure why they called it that, but it was just your typical bar with a row of stools and a line of guys watching TV and shooting the bull.

Being that we went in there in the early morning it wasn't shocking to find a disinterested bartender reading the paper and a few really heavy alkies either catching the next hair or finishing off the night before.

Another good reason to go with Tom was the fact that wherever I went with him no one even thought of carding me. There was no way that I could walk into any drinking establishment on my own and get served with how small I was. Most people seemed to think that I was his son or something.

He wasn't terribly good company, but everyone is a little funner to hang out with a buzz on and I was starting to really like getting tight. There were even times I would have Tom grab me a couple sixes & I would sneak them into the dorm for my late night study sessions.

Then one morning, it was a Saturday and I wouldn't have school or anything that day, it turned out that Tom & I were both going to be off that night. It never really occurred to me until much later that he was the one who made he schedule so it could have all been a plan, but I was pretty naïve for sure back then.

He suggested that since we were both gonna be loose for the night we should go hit up this titty bar just down the road.

"Yeah man you gotta see them. They just leave it all hanging out and they even flash you their pussy if when you tip them.," he said.

I perked right up at that. Since I knew I was going to have a bit of free time here I was already planning on getting good and drunk and seeing what I could get into, and I had never been to any place like that before.

"Are you sure that you can get me in there?" I asked worried.

I mean sure he knew the guys at this dive, but at somewhere like that I might stick out more like a sore thumb.

Tom was real reassuring and told me to meet him around dark over at his place which was just down the road and then we would head on out and party it up with some naked chicks.

So we split and I went back to my place intending to crash out and be ready for that evening. I was pretty sure at this point Greg had quit college so I was alone as usual. Nobody even bothered to go to my room anymore since I was rarely there or awake if I was.

My thoughts turned to the evening to come. I had seen lots of pictures of naked girls, but never actually a real one. I had been masturbating on occasion since the episode at the bookstore and I had been successful in keeping my thoughts on the girl in the picture.

Tom had said something to me at the bar that was sticking in my head. It wasn't about the dancer it was about this prostitute that he used to go see. He said they were pretty easy to get and I started wondering about doing that. I had some decent cash on hand now since I was working almost full-time.

He said that when he went to go see one he wanted to get his money's worth so he would jack off beforehand and that way she would take longer. I started thinking about the whole thing, running it through my mind. Maybe he could tell me where to go to find one of those girls. It would be better than going to those booths and seeing the girls. I could get a chance to touch them and they would touch me.

The whole idea got me excited and before long I was sitting back on my bed stroking off, thinking of naked dancers and hookers, dirty girls that would do whatever I wanted them to. I imagined calling them my little slut and them smiling and going to work and how they would really have to go at it because I was going to make sure I came maybe even twice before I went to see them.

Pretty soon, in the real world, I shot an enormous load all over my belly. My body spasmed and I had ten seconds of pure joy.

Normally I would go quickly and wipe it up, but I was so relaxed after from my cumming so hard and the booze that I just lay back to rest my eyes and fell off to sleep.

-

I awoke in late afternoon. A gentle breeze came through my window and a pair of birds chirped back and forth out on the tree. I still lay there naked, my clothes deposited at the side of the bed and my belly still flecked with now dried up juice.

Slowly I pulled myself up into a seated position back against the wall. Feeling the cool painted surface against my back. I was in a more sober state of mind at that point than I had been in over a day and the thoughts of the night to come flowed through my mind with this filter.

It occurred to me that I didn't really know Tom all that well, aside from the after work brews. That it seemed a little odd that he had singled me out of the group of workers to hang out with. In the past I had brushed it off to the fact that I was one of the better workers there and I gave him the common courtesy of laughing at his stupid jokes. Now I wasn't so sure. Something just didn't fell right. Like I had misplaced something but wasn't quite sure exactly what.

Regardless of whatever I was thinking. I was definitely going to go that night. There might not be another chance to go see a bunch of naked breasts and, who knows, maybe hook up with some naughty girl and finally get lucky for real.

I got showered and dressed up and head over to the apartment listed on the address. Tom lived in what looked to be a rather old big house that had been split up into several separate rooms. I pushed the button next to his name and he escorted me straight down the hall and down a little set of steps to his pad.

His accommodations were meager but sufficient. A rather large soft couch & matching love seat with a large screen TV were the only luxuries evident. He had a ratty old coffee table with stains and rings all over it and ashtray that looked to be perennially full.

The kitchen was basically part of the same large room just off to the other side with not even a small table for a dining area. I supposed that this was probably not all that bad of a place for a low level manager at a grocery store in the city.

As soon as I entered he offered me a shot of Jack Daniel and a beer. Now I had been drinking beer for a couple months, but harder liquors were rather new to me. I had tried them before, but they got me drunk too fast and I really didn't like the burn going down.

I accepted the drinks of course. It was very hard for me to say no to someone like that when they seemed all excited over giving me a drink I really didn't want. I felt bad for them if I turned it down so we went. One, two three ... and downed the shots.

Man it burned every bit as much as I remember and he chortled at my reaction. I must have turned beet red, but I kept it down which is all that mattered to me. The warm red haze of a whiskey buzz rolled over me quickly and I was suddenly in party mode.

We downed the first beers and then another couple, each time grabbing a shot right before. By the time we left I was more worried that they might not let me in because I was too trashed than for me looking too young, but we carried on of course.

The whole walk over to the joint Tom kept teasing me about it. I had made the mistake of being honest and saying that I had never seen a strip club before. I really hope that he would keep a low profile and just leave it alone so we wouldn't get kicked out or anything but he had finished just as many drinks as I did and who knew how many before that.

We got to the place finally. The name of it was Beaver; classy for sure.

There was actually very little problem getting in and I really doubt they would have said anything if I was alone. The lights were low and a slow, rhythmic bass beat set the undertone for the place, kind of bluesy and deep.

Booths of red polyester circled the one and only stage with little stools dotting the edge. Our waitress quickly showed up - really cute - and brought us a drink. Tom had told me to just nurse the hell out of it and not buy much since cuz they cost a mint.

There were a few guys, mostly older, by themselves and a couple tables filed with students that probably had no more right being there than I did. The stage was empty for the time being. I looked around not really knowing what to say.

Luckily for me, Tom was one of those guys that never seemed to shut up. He would go right on talking to you even if you just totally ignored him. He was asking some guy with tattoos all over about some girl named Lisa, who evidently had the biggest knockers in town, and then he started chatting up the couple guys in the booth next to us. They already had a girl in there with them so they were kind of annoyed being busy and all, but that didn't stop him. I was a little curious about how it worked with the girl myself so when he turned back to me I asked him.

He told me some of the dancers would come out and sit with you and do table dances and stuff for cash. Kind of your own personal thing but cost a lot more.

"Don't be a sucker kid," he said, just drink slow sit there and watch on the cheap. "Collect what you can for when you leave."

I pondered what collect meant for a minute and was about to ask when a voice started over the loudspeakers.

"Gentleman. Welcome to the Beaver. Up next is Cassie, topless and nearly naked."

He drug out the word topless like he was some kind of boxing announcer. Then the some kind of smutty pop tune started up, and out came Cassie, a pretty girl, but the waitress was way better. She wore a sequined bra and matching g-string and gyrated on the stage banding over and sidling up to the guys on the stools trying to get a bill out of them.

Before long she slipped out of her top and I could see real breasts for the first time in my life. It was pretty special I will say. I got hard in my pants and was embarrassed when she looked over my way with a smile. Tom didn't need to tell her that it was my first time in a place like this. She seemed to know.

I was entranced with the whole thing so when Tom grabbed me by the shoulder it gave me a start.

"Hey, go on up there boy, and stick a dollar in his panties. She might show you some muff."

So I did. When I rose to my feet, I was unsteady from the booze and my general nervousness. I felt like a fawn taking its first steps after leaving the mother. The stage was only a few paces away but it seemed miles.

I went and stood at the edge between a couple of empty stools. Conscious that I had rod was pretty much solid in my pants. I knew in my mind that it was a perfectly normal thing for a man to be aroused in this situation, but I wasn't ready to actually accept that I was here.

Cassie worked her way over to me ad noticing the bill in my hand did some extra special moves turning her ass towards me and bending over to look between them she made as if to play with her pussy and then turned back toward me and pushed her crotch right up below my face and pulled out the front of her panty.

True to Tom's words. I could see right down into her bush and could make out the bumps that would be her lips forming the camel toe. I put the money in the side of the g-string like I had seen other guys doing and leaned back looking up at here blushing heavily.