A Submissive's Journey

AUTHOR'S NOTE

This is a story about a young man exploring his sexuality and finding out he is a gay submissive. It is rather long and not all about sex so if you are looking for a quickie you might want to look elsewhere. This is a fantasy. All characters are over the age of 18. Please enjoy.

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The night air was damp as I walked the street to the corner bar. A light mist sprayed from the sky and rested on my cheeks cooling them. There was general feeling of overheating in me. Unknown sensations welled up from deep within me. There was a feeling that I was almost not real, but watching myself, and it was uncomfortable. I needed something to drink to bring me down to quiet and calm.

The Strand's juke twanged away the steel guitar of some long gone classic. I opened the door and a rush of air blew out as if to welcome me and then drew me in. Being only about midnight, more than a few patrons lined the bar and the bartender, a new guy I had never seen before, was watching a hockey game with the sound turned off.

I found myself wishing that I had asked Tom to call up here and have them let me buy some booze. Could he really do that? I supposed not. He was just a guy that came in and boozed it up like the rest of these guys, but his chances were better than mine.

Gathering up my courage I tried to look as old as I could and with an air of disinterest wandered up to the bar.

A line of sodden heads stared at the TV screen where a tall thin player was weaving his way through center ice. He zigged past one defenseman and was about to make his way to freedom when out of nowhere an opponent slammed into him sending him reeling, separating him from the puck and his senses. The men in the bar cheered over loud with the excitement of inebriation.

I waited until what seemed like a lull in the action and using my loudest voice told the bartender I wanted a couple sixes of beer.

You got any ID on you?" he said looking me over.

"I left it at the house. I come in here all the time could you just get it for me?" I pleaded.

"Sorry bud. Can't do. We just had a liquor control guy in here a couple nights ago."

He seemed genuinely sorry, but I could tell that he wasn't going to get served that night. An evil little thought brewed up inside of me. I should lean over and whisper in his ear that I would suck his cock if he let me buy some.

The idea was quickly discarded out of fear, discretion and a sense of disgust with myself. I wasn't really going to ask that I told myself and laughed it off.

I went back out into the night. It wasn't far to my place from here I could turn down the road that led directly to the campus proper or I could follow Vine street which ran parallel and was more residential. There was no hurry to get home and more relaxing feel of this area suited me far more than the hectic party scene down by the dorms so I walked on into the darkness.

The mood of this night suited me. There was the need for some looking inside of myself. For the most part I still desperately wanted to be attracted to girls and not have sex with men; to just be like other people. And I was. I mean when the cheerleaders walked by I looked just like all of the other guys, but you wouldn't be able to tell that my sexual experiences since arriving at college.

Block after block passed and I shortly realized that if I didn't turn back toward campus soon that I would pass it altogether and be lost in the middle of the night or at the very least have to retrace my steps. I turned left down a rather wide alleyway. Dumpsters and carports lined either side.

I suppose that I should have been more nervous being that I was in a decent sized city wandering at night in unknown territory, but it seemed that the night itself was protecting me.

The alley let out back on the main strip but much further down town than I had walked before. To my left would be the dorms and home, but across the street on the far corner was a joint with some bright music playing. The door was open and a few guys were standing out front messing around. The sign above the entrance said Cloud Two. By the neon lights all over the windows I assumed it was a bar and figured I might as well take another shot at getting some brews.

The place was packed with people. On the left hand wall was a long bar backed by a mirror the entire length. Ten or so tables formed in a semi-circle around a dance floor only 20 feet square. A small disco ball hung in the center and grebe and blue strobe gave the place a very surreal feel.

My plan of action this time was to actually just hang at the pace a while, drinking a few there. If I tipped well, hopefully I could grab a six to bring home where I could zone out to my thoughts a bit.

The lights and the dancing was hypnotic, which may have caused me to be more natural when I went to get a drink, or they just didn't care here. Either way in short order, I found myself at a small table alone. I sipped the first drink then followed it up with a second and third.

It was very comfortable there for me. The hyperdrone beat glazed me into a welcome trance. Now I could collect my thoughts and put them in some sort of order. The whole thing was so chaotic. The touchstones I my mind: The boy jacking on the couch; the encounter in the video booth, a surprise with Tom and then again on my knees in what I had to admit to myself was not really a shock.

I had set myself up by going back in there. My thoughts returned to the feeling of trepidation I had felt before going to work that night. Wasn't it in fact rather a feeling of overexcitement that I could hardly bear? I had chosen to go into the back where access to me without the knowledge of my co-workers would be the easiest and had stayed there when clearly finished until I was "discovered".

There was also the old man on the phone and this group of "friends". With all of the sex going on I really hadn't had time to think much about it. It simply didn't seem possible that there was a real person expecting me to meet him at a hotel for what certainly would be sexual favors.

"Break me in," Tom had said and that last little parting shot before I left. There was definitely something about the penis that attracted me. It was undeniable. If not my reaction should certainly have been much different. The image of his cock bouncing in front of my eyes after he had deposited his seed tonight flipped to the front of my mind and I tried to hold it there consciously.

Yes, there was no doubt that I was held in a sort of thrall. Even now there was a growing sensation in my jeans.

Was I really that way though? Couldn't it still at this stage just be a sort of wild experimentation stage before I started to engage in a normal sex life with a girl?

I tried to picture the cock slipping back into my mouth, but I lost it. That was proof right there wasn't it? If I was a flaming homo wouldn't I be able to hold onto that image and take the fantasy further? Wasn't there some inner quality of me that all of these actions of late didn't jive with?

My mouth, yes, I could admit I liked that feeling when he filled my mouth, but maybe that was just trying a new thing. I couldn't let a man take me from behind or that would really ice it. If I let him "break me in" then I would lose control of the whole situation and there would be no going back.

The whole fear it seemed to me to be that I was losing control of the situation; that whether I really wanted it or not I was being drawn into this world of sex with men. I wanted to have the ability put a stop to it and be the determiner of my own fate.

Right then and there made my own decision. This was my life and I was going to live it the way that I wanted.

I would down a couple beers here quick and then go home with a couple sixes and get good and slammed, "forget" to wake and go meet the man at the hotel and just cut all ties with Tom. Next weekend I would go up on the hill to the fraternities and just talk to every drunk girl I could until one let me have sex with her and I would just bury all this somewhere inside of me.

At this point no one knew.

I looked around the room for some girl that was maybe unattached. Heck, it was close to last call by now anyways. Maybe I could grab one of them here and take her back to my empty place.

First I scanned the tables around me. Only a couple still had people at them. All of which were guys of either college age or a little bit older. I turned back to the bar and looked down the long row. Probably about 5 dudes were left hanging out there.

Finally, I scanned the dancers. The glaring lights and smoky atmosphere had somewhat blurred them into the background of my vision. There were about six forms out there bouncing around. All of them guys.

Men were dancing with men and two were wrapped in an embrace that could not be confused with anything else. Not only were there no girls here now. It came to me that there never were any at all.

There wasn't even time for that to register when the bartender walked by my table.

"Hey you last call," he said.

I looked directly over but hadn't raised my eyes yet so I stared right at his crotch. Why did I keep doing that? I bit my lip in embarrassment and looked up at him.

"Thanks," I said.

He went on to the other tables and then the dance floor before passing me again as he returned. I pretended not to pay any attention to him, but I got one more quick little view of his crotch right before he headed back to the bar. I could swear I could make it out.

Well, I didn't have time really to ponder anything if I was to get some for the road. So I quickly got up and followed him to the bar and asked for a couple sixes.

There wasn't any sort of acknowledgement that I had just been looking at him down there. Probably this was the sort of place that happened all the time. He just grabbed some out of the cooler, bagged it up and I was on my way.

The night had cleared up and the streets were pretty bare. It was a Sunday night after all I guess so not as many people were out. I didn't care my Monday classes were easy anyways and I wasn't really feeling school all that much lately.

I got to my room with no problems from the guard at the desk and settled down slamming a few beers quickly. Tonight I was going to get good and messed up. I just wanted to stop my mind for a bit. The music was kept low; the TV on some obscure music video channel with no sound on. I dropped towards oblivion

When a video with an attractive woman would come on I would rub myself through my pants and just stare at here, keeping my mind totally devoid of any active thought. It occurred to me that I was trying to program myself.

I dipped deeper and deeper into a state of intoxication. My clothes had been shed and know I was stroking myself slowly with every girl trying to imprint their curves into my psyche. Between songs or when it was a different kind of act I would lurk about the room looking for something there was something missing.

On a longer one of these breaks I was going through my closet and found something. It wasn't certain that it was the "something" that was missing, and it wasn't what I wanted to be the "something", but I found it nevertheless.

A while back I had been taking a shower in the public restroom that we all shared on the floor and I had noticed that someone had left behind a shampoo bottle. It wasn't really all that different than any other of the same that you may have seen, but there is one thing about most shampoo bottles that this one wasn't.

Your typical shower kit for traveling has this tiny bottle of shampoo in it. About 3 inches in length and quite thin. More often than not it is an oblong shape laterally instead of a circle. The normal bottle that a person would buy for general use is much larger about 10 inches or so long and, while round, at least a couple inches in diameter.

This particular bottle, for it is the bottle itself that was unique not the liquid inside, was about seven inches long and about an inch and a half thick. My first thought when I saw it was to pick it up and compare it to my penis. It won by a small margin, but one could certainly see it as a possible replacement. When compared to the organ of the boy I saw masturbating, for example, it would have been slightly lacking.

For whatever reason, perhaps fate, I had collected the bottle and it now lay on my shelf with other toiletries. I brought it back to the chair I had rested in all night, took a deep drag on one of my remaining beers and reposed, legs spread out in front of me.

I rubbed dildo, I had started to think of it as that, on my belly back and forth. The plastic material was cool to the touch and as it ran along my skin it seemed to raise goosebumps, which receded shortly after it had passed.

My chin rested on my chest so my field of vision was the rolling placebo in the foreground, then my very real life tool still erect and throbbing from much use and no release, and then the television screen framed on either side by my bare feet.

The lady on the screen came into focus; more a young girl really than a lady, fresh and sweet. She pranced around delicately.

This was the one!

I lurched forward quickly bringing myself to my knees, moved my hand down into position and vigorously started working my shaft. She turned away from me and bent, arching her back and looking back with a coquettish smile.

I worked hard, in almost a state of panic. The video could end at any minute. It had to be now. This would free me from the spell. My eyes moved from the screen down to my furious pumping, cock lost in the blur of my fist. It was inconceivable. I had been building myself up for so long. Normally just a few second of this and I was over the edge.

The song seemed to be winding down. The girl was waving goodbye to me. There had to be something.

Without thinking I reached down with my left hand and found the bottle, brought it up to my mouth and started shoving it in and out like Tom had done earlier that night. It seemed days ago but it was just that night. The girl on the screened winked off.

The song over, I closed my eyes literally fucking my hand now and blew all over. Five, Six, Seven shots. Each one accompanied by a deep groan from the depths of me. So loud and only stifled by the bottle (dildo ~ cock) in my mouth. There was no concern for anyone hearing or thoughts of what I was doing at all, just sheer ecstasy. My body wracked and then, spent, I fell to the floor, mouth still full and crashed into a deep sleep.

--

A gentle breeze whispered over my body, moving the soft light brown hairs on my arms and legs back and forth. The sun's warmth soaked into my skin and the bones beneath invigorating me and at the same time soothing me into a deep state of relaxation. The lids of my eyes were weighted shut so utter was the tranquility of my nature.

Immunity to furrowed brows, clenched shoulders and rigid counterfeit grins was granted as I lay back on the chaise lounger, supported just properly to a point where I was almost floating on its surface.

A voice echoed in the distance of my daze, but was brought into focus as my consciousness returned.

"Sir..."

"Sir, you had asked for a towel?"

I breathed deeply and slowly took in my surroundings as my eyes opened. A few steps in front of me was a pool, which seemed to have no edge as it met the horizon. It was as if when you entered the pool you would naturally be drawn right over the edge. It was backed by a deep forest, viewed from an angle high above. There was the quality of floating on a cloud

"Sir?"

A man stood on my left side, in his hands, a large white fluffy towel. He held the towel level with his firm tight abdomen. Beneath that he wore no clothes at all and between his legs was the largest flaccid penis. It was more robust than most men at full mast, but hung loose until it flared widely at the tip. On either side were 2 very healthy testes the size of small eggs, which would rise up a bit on certain words he spoke.

"Sorry if I woke you, Sir," He said in a smooth voice, "but you had asked for it special."

I raised my hand slowly up until I touched him. My fingers brushed up behind his glans and the whole long snake jumped. I slid up the shaft to the waiting balls and cupped one then the other, gently pulling them down with my fingers in a sort of milking motion. The healthy member jumped again and started every so slightly to straighten.

From underneath I delicately ran my fingers up behind his precious sack of jewels and worked them around to the front. Slipping them through the soft patch of fur. The giant love tool came to life just a tiny bit more, not hanging but arching out like the branches of a willow.

My fingertips traced the outline of his shaft, slipping over the veiny bumps, trying to read the secret Braille of this life-giving tool.

His excitement mounted and it pointed nearly straight out at me, beckoning my assistance. I had awoken it and now it was my responsibility. I sat up turning sideway and faced him. My left hand moved back to massage his so heavy, so full balls. My right worked underhanded along the bottom of his shaft and caressing the tip.

My lips pursed, hovering inches from the eye of this monster. I blew upon it lightly and then began to stretch my tongue out toward the entrance. When only the barest fragment of space intervened between the two I squeezed gently with my left hand willing the release of some of what was to cum.

A single droplet appeared at the tip, so close to my eyes that I could cherish the wetness fully. A tiny clear bubble grew slowly and then replacing the pure clarity were tiny white streams. They pushed at the edges forcing the drop to grow until it seemed it would burst.

My tongue touched the edge ever so slightly and for a second they were apart. Then the flow started. A tiny rivulet of fragrant precum roiled down its base. Another gentle tug on the balls and more the river was refreshed. I went for a selfish third try but alas there was none. I would have to work in earnest now.

My right hand gripped the shaft, the tips of my fingers barely touching on the other side. I started to pull back and forth, mouth agape like a trout. Then I took him in my mouth. There seemed to be too much to fit, but my mouth magically spread apart to accept this loving gift.

Down I went until the entire fastness that was my mouth was full the whole way to the palate.

It was not enough though. I wanted more. A deep need inside of me drove me deeper and the head of his cock, the thickness of which had to dwarf my gullet's by nearly an inch, slipped down into my throat and beyond, traversing the virginal depths deeper and deeper within me until it reached my heart.

There was no further motion. I was there, hands limply at my sides. His whole length buried to the depth within me, nostrils taking in his musky odor, which marked me as his.

He started to pulse. His heavy hanging jewels rose up with every tumult. As the sweet cum roared down, his manly tool grew and stretched me, filling the empty spaces within.

I looked up past the flat stomach and defined chest, up into his eyes. He stared down on me, temporarily released from the bondage of self; for a single moment on the panes of eternity. His bright smile a beacon of spirit shining upon me.

Then suddenly all changed right before my very eyes. The cock shriveled down to the size of a mortal man. My mouth held the taste of his seed heavily. It seemed to slip out my very pores. My face smelled heavily of crotch. The flat chiseled belly grew into that of a middle-aged man's beer gut. The face now obscured by the girth turned into that of my boss. His big cheesy knowing grin looked down.