The e-mail came as a surprise. Alex, a high school and college classmate, wanted to get together after twenty years. Alex was one of my best friends, and I hadn't heard from him since I left for a career as a Navy pilot and he went west to work in the film industry.
We left on less than great terms when he came out and expressed his feelings for me. I panicked. I was interested, but my Navy dreams meant having a boyfriend would be a liability. I retired after being a squadron commander and with one failed marriage under my belt.
Alex had contacted my father and got my contact info. He invited me to a long weekend at his place on the beach in South Carolina.
I was nervous, but a phone call convinced me to go so we could catch up and I could apologize for being a coward.
Alex picked me up at the airport with his partner Tim. Alex look great, blonde hair, blue eyes, still in great shape. Tim also had the blonde hair and blue eyes, though a bit thinner. I gave Alex a nervous hug.
We exchanged the usual boring pleasantries and headed off to his house, a large 5 bedroom beach house with a great view. Tim made some cocktails and moved to the kitchen.
"You broke my heart," Alex said after TIm had receded from view.
"I know," I sheepishly replied, "it's haunted me ever since."
"Really?" Alex said with a tinge of surprise.
"Yes, I was a coward," I said.
"You're really hard on yourself," Alex retorted, "the military wasn't exactly welcoming at the time."
"That's true," I said, "and I probably wasn't ready for a relationship."
There was a silence that seemed to last forever.
"I got married a few years later and it was a disaster," I said, breaking the silence.
"It was a fucking disaster," I continued, "then it was short term fuck buddies and one-night stands."
"Sounds pretty lonely" Alex added.
"Yeah" I said, "I enjoyed the job, though"
"At least you had that" Alex replied "So what happens now?"
"Work in the private sector" I said "see what comes my way in my personal life after that."
"You sound a bit lost" Alex shot back.