Aaron had always enjoyed acting, for him it was a way to escape real life and enter a whole new world, fully immersing himself into the character he was playing. So, when he moved away to university, the am-dram group was the first one he'd signed up to.
In his first term, the group had performed a play that he had only a small part in, but as the year progressed, the rest of the group were impressed with his skills, and so when the final show of the year was cast, he was pleasantly surprised to get a leading role.
'Dark Secrets' was the title of the play, and as Aaron read through the play, he started to have mild misgivings about taking part. The script was the story of a guy who discovers the love for his neighbour, and the paths they follow to true love. AS he finished reading through the script, he realised that he would actually be kissing his "co-star" in one scene.
Aaron was still not sure about his sexuality, finding himself admiring both guys and girls, although he thought of himself as straight. "What would it be like to kiss another guy, even just acting?" he thought.
As the term went on, the rehearsals for Dark Secrets went on. Aaron found himself enjoying the play, partly down to the rapport he had developed with the other lead in the play, Ollie. Ollie was in his final year, so a little bit more world wise, but the two of them seemed to click, and got on well with each other, both on and off set.
Today though, Aaron was nervous. Today they were doing the scene that involved the kiss. He knew that Ollie would be totally professional about it, but the thought of kissing a guy, even just acting, in front of other people, was making him nervous. As they ran through the scenes he tried to stay focused on the acting, and not think about the end of the scene.
Aaron delivered the final lines of the scene, after which, according to the direction in the script, he was to cross the gap between him and Ollie and pull him into the embrace. He finished his words, and with a final deep breath, stepped forward, towards Ollie.
"OK, that's fine for the scene" Alex, the director called, "Onto the next scene."
"Aren't we doing the whole thing?" Ollie asked as people started to move onto the next staging.
"Why, you eager to kiss this guy?" Alex sneered at him.
"Well it's just the scene says that there will be a kiss before the lights go out, and it needs to be believable for the audience to see the two guys care for each other. That isn't going to come naturally." Ollie argued. "Did you see how nervous Aaron was walking over to me? It's something we need to practice to give the illusion of reality."
Aaron flushed at the fact he had been so obviously nervous.
"Ok, if you want, then let's go again with the scene" Alex said.
"Don't worry," Ollie said to Aaron as they reset the staging back to how it was, "It doesn't mean anything, it's just acting, there's nothing to it, just picture I'm someone you fancy, and not some guy you're acting against, and it will feel more natural."
"Ok, thanks" Aaron replied, taking on board the advice.
The scene started again, and before he knew it they were at the end and he finished his lines. Remembering the advice, he steeled himself and stepped across to Ollie. As per the directions, he wrapped his arms around Ollie, feeling the guys strong arms encase him, and slowly their lips met in a gentle peck. They lingered together for a moment, and suddenly Aaron wondered why he had been so afraid, he felt so safe and natural where he was.
"Cut" Alex broke into his reverie, and the two broke apart, a small smile creeping over Ollie's face.
"See, not so bad!" he said.
But Aaron didn't reply, his mind racing. Although just a chaste kiss on the lips, and an acting one at that, for a moment he'd felt so alive, so needed, and it confused him. Was he attracted to Ollie? Shaking his head, he slowly moved into position for the next scene.
For the next week he couldn't get his mind off the kiss from the scene. The feeling of Ollie's lips on his, the slight thrill of charge as they'd accidentally brushed arms, kept going through his head, and he couldn't focus on anything. He knew that what he was feeling was daft, that there was no reciprocal feeling from Ollie, he'd had a scene to act and had done it, noting more nothing less, but still he kept picturing them together again, random daydreams which ended up with him in Ollie's arms again.
His focus was so bad, and made worse at the next rehearsal when he saw Ollie again, that he was completely useless, messing up lines and cues that it was if he'd never seen the script.
"You OK?" Ollie asked after one particularly bad slip up.
"Yeh, fine, just on off day." Aaron mumbled back, not wanting to share the real reason.
"It better be!" Alex snarled, "The show is only a couple of weeks away, I've not got time to replace you, so you better get back in the game fast. Anyway, that's enough for tonight, everyone back here tomorrow to run through the whole production."
As everyone started to pack up and head out the door, Ollie caught up with Aaron again.
