It was 5pm when Mark's mom and sister pulled up in their van to drop Mark off after the weekend family reunion at the farm. Gus had texted Aaron and let him know that while he appreciated the invite, he was going to pass on dinner for tonight so Aaron and Mark could spend some time together. It was just two days ago that Mark, after three years of silence, had begun speaking. Aaron was a bundle of nerves and exchanged pleasantries with his sister-in-law and mother-in-law while offloading Mark's things and getting him situated back in their house.
"Hey Aaron," Mark said as he scooted his electric wheelchair back into the house, "How was your weekend?"
"I had a nice weekend, how was the reunion?" Aaron replied, not knowing how to navigate conversation with the man he'd spilled every thought and word to without response for years.
"It was really nice to catch up with everyone, I'm exhausted. I'm gonna go shower," Mark replied and wheeled his way into the bathroom and closed the door. The van pulled away, and Aaron and Mark were alone in their house, as they'd been for most of the past three years. Before Mark began talking Aaron would have followed him into the bathroom and helped him shower without hesitation. Now he didn't know what to do, so he knocked on the bathroom door, "Need any help?"
"Sure, If you don't mind that would be great," Mark replied.
Aaron opened the door and Mark was perched on the shower shelf he'd constructed, completely naked, holding a bar of soap in his left and only hand. He truly was a beautiful man. Aaron made his way to the side of the tub and sat on the toilet, putting him face to face with Mark. Aaron picked up a loofa and put some body wash into it and started scrubbing Mark's back while Mark washed his legs, his crotch, his stomach and his chest with his left hand. Aaron couldn't talk, he didn't know how to start a conversation with his husband at this point, so he just waited. He carried on the shower tasks as he had hundreds of times before and helped Mark dry off, into some fresh clothes, and back into his chair. As they were leaving the bathroom Aaron let Mark know he'd made some dinner for them and he'd be in the kitchen.
Aaron had prepared a plate for both Mark and himself and set the table. Mark pulled up to his usual spot next to Aaron a few moments after Aaron had started eating. Aaron smiled at him as he reached out to grab his fork and Mark broke the silence.
"How's Gus doing?" Mark asked.
"Gus is doing well," Aaron responded, "we had a good time this weekend."
"I thought he might join us for dinner tonight," Mark replied.
"Well Mark, I did invite him, but considering the circumstances of you speaking for the first time in years, he thought we might want to catch up and didn't want to insert himself or be a distraction."
"He's as good a man as he seems, huh?" Mark responded.
"He is, Mark, just like I told you in detail after the fishing trip we took," Aaron replied, a look of confusion perched upon his brow.
"I'm sorry, Aaron. I really am. I know you must have a million questions for me, and I promise you I will answer every one of them in time. I just want you to know that I appreciate everything you've done for me since my injury, and that I love you. I'm sure all the why's are confounding, and I wish I could give you a perfect answer, but the truth is, I've felt like a burden to the world, especially to you," Mark stated earnestly.
"It's been rough, but it could have been so much less so if you'd just spoken to me, let me know what you were going through. I was there too, do you remember that? I was on that same street, that same day, when everything went to shit around us, and I've never given up on you, Mark. I'm so happy you're talking now, and I'm partially angry and hurt that it took so long. How long have you understood what I've been saying to you?"
Mark, with a look of sadness in his face, replied, "I don't know how long it was at the beginning, everything was a blur, words were there, but none of them came together to mean anything to me, it was like I was in a dream. Over time, and with your persistent help, I was able to recognize where I was, what was happening around me, that I'd been stripped of my limbs and many of my memories, and that I was alive. About a year ago, I really started hearing you, Aaron, every word, and I had no idea what to say. So I said nothing. I'm sorry."
Aaron, looking into Mark's eyes, responded, "It's okay Mark. I'm just glad you see me, you hear me, and that you can talk to me now. Thank you for talking." Aaron reached out his right hand and put it around Mark's shoulder. Mark accepted the gesture with no pull back or hesitation and with his head, comforted Aaron as his emotions spilled into tears.
Over the last three years Aaron had tried many times to comfort Mark, to hold him, to kiss him, to protect him, and Mark had made a habit out of rejecting the gestures: sluffing off a head on his shoulder, pulling away from a kiss, squirming away from an embrace in bed, swiping away a hand between his legs.
"I didn't want you to settle for being just my caretaker, Aaron. You have so much more to offer this world than that. I've felt so much guilt and sadness that you've shackled yourself to me, and you'd stopped living, because I was no longer full. I didn't feel comfortable speaking until I knew that you could define yourself outside of being my caretaker, and when you met Gus, I knew that you felt more. I know it sounds bizarre, but I needed you to meet someone else for me to open back up," Mark said, Aaron's head still between his cheek and shoulder.
Aaron pulled back, and for the first time in three years he could tell that Mark would accept and return a kiss if he offered one, so he did. He and Mark locked mouths and kissed like they had before the attack, their passion was re-opened for the first time in three years. Aaron kissed Mark fully, and then retreated to look into his husband's eyes.
"Are you all the way here with me now?"
"I am, Aaron. And I'm so thankful that you've been all the way here with me through all of this," Mark replied, "Will you do me a favor, and call Gus, I know it sounds crazy, but I'd like to speak with him."
Aaron, looking perplexed, obliged and pulled out his phone.
"Hey Marine, how's it going?" Gus Answered.
"Hey Gus, things are a bit crazy, Mark asked me to call you, I'm gonna pass the phone to him," Aaron replied.
Gus, not knowing what to think nor having a moment to object took a deep breath and readied himself for a conversation that he could never prepare to have.