Alex and I

The next day I left for work early and had to walk since Maryellen took the car the night before. I worked with Alex the entire day and had no more embarrassing moments, though I did get some good staring time in. Most of the morning passed with only a little conversation but when lunch rolled around, we sat together and started talking.

I found out that he had come from Mexico with his mother who was Mexican-American after his father died when he was a kid. They had lived her most of his life but after he graduated high school and got a job his mother had decided to move back to her native country and most of his brothers and sisters had gone with her. I spoke of New York, leaving out most of my love life out speaking only in vague generalities. It was just before lunch ended that I was able to gain the courage to ask if he were married. He said he wasn't and I tried to bite back the nervousness that sprang from the simple answer.

"I got a girl friend though but I'm not really ready to marry I guess. I'm old school and want it to be right, you know?"

My hopes were dashed instantly as if a cold shower washed over me or a blazing sword stood in front of me barring the way. I did feel comforted though. The anxiety left since I knew that he was legitimately unavailable. He was straight and wouldn't welcome my advances so there was no point in trying. We could get back to work. At least I still had my dreams.

At the end of the day I asked Digger if I could catch a ride with him but he had somewhere to go and was already running late. I asked a few other guys but they were all going the opposite direction. I was just preparing myself for a long walk home when Alec asked if I needed a ride.

"Yeah, are you heading anywhere near Holiday?" I asked.

"Not really, but I don't have anywhere to be right now and I'd hate to see you walk."

I climbed into his truck and inhaled vinyl, a spicy cologne and the scent of him after a hard day at work. It was a heady combination. We chatted on the way home and since I had no more delusions of being with him I found it easy to be in his company. He was a funny guy and we got a long well. He was a carpenter by trade but hated construction. He really wanted to make furniture.

"Real high end stuff, you know? Like the stuff you see in those repro catalogs. I can do all that shit. I made my mother a dresser and made it look just like one she saw in a museum. She loves it."

"So why don't you do that, rather than work in construction?"

"I don't have the start up money. Besides, I'm not really sure I could make it and if I don't then I'll be stuck with no money."

"I bet you'd make it. You've got that personality."

"What personality?"

"The kind that won't quit. Plus you seem honest and honest people usually have a pretty good idea of what they're capable of. You know, no big ideas that they can't pull off."

"Yeah, I guess so." He said, as we pulled up in front of the house I was staying at. "Nice place."

"Yeah, it's my friends Aunt and Uncle's. They're letting me stay here while I get my shit together and can get a place. And it's got a pool so I'm happy as a pig in shit."

Did I really just call myself 'a pig in shit' to this man? I really have no game.

"A pool? Really?" He sounded excited. "Hey, you think I could come in for a dip? I'm fucking roasting here." I didn't think it was a good idea. I had no more delusions that we would be together but still didn't want to torture myself. He must have seen my hesitance and added. "My balls are roasting in the seat, Man. Help a brother out!"

"Yeah, come on in." I couldn't live with myself if his balls reached an unhealthy temperature. What if he weren't able to father children because of poor sperm motility and I could have prevented that. The world would be filled with more ugly children and that was something that I couldn't have on my conscience.

I grabbed some beers from the fridge and we went out to the back patio.

"I'm not sure I have some shorts for you but I might have something." I said, cracking a beer.

"Don't worry about it." He said and cracked his own beer and took a swallow. "I'll just got in my boxers."

I was light headed again and must have had the stupid look on my face.

"Wow, you yankees really are sensitive to the heat. You look like you need more water."

"No, I'm fine." I said, trying to bring my heart back under control and willing it to pump blood more effectively to my head than ... other regions.

I was almost successful when Alex pulled his shirt up over his head. When he began unbuttoning his jeans I swear I almost started crying. There was Alex standing before me, sweating from work, smelling the way a man needs to smell when he gets off work, wearing only his boxers, a smile and little beer that dribbled down his goatee, his throat, his chest...

I shucked my clothes in record time, thankful for my baggy boxers and jumped into the deep end of the pool. The cold water abused my system which was long over heated from the work day and the sight of a half naked man standing in front of me. I surfaced and wiped the water from my face and saw Alex dipping his toe into the water.

"Oh my God, that's cold." He said looking at me with new found respect. "How the hell did you just jump in there like that?"

"This is nothing to a New Yorker. This is like bath water." Which was true, unless the New Yorker had already acclimated to Florida's hot weather and then 70 degree water was like a polar ice cap. I was grateful for the cold water which helped me temper my lust for the moment.

Alex slowly entered the pool, paused at the sensitive area just below his waist, and finally took the plunge. He came out sputtering and laughing.

"Damn! It's cold but it feels good."

"Beats sitting out in the hot sun all day."

"Hell ya. This is great. Thanks, man. I know you didn't want to let me swim cause it's not your pool. I get that." I figured I'd roll with that.

"They've been so nice to me, letting me stay here. It's nothing against you, I just didn't want to disrespect them. I'm sure they'd be fine with it."

"Well, thanks anyway. My place is small and I don't have room for a pool. I have to go to the beach which is like twenty minutes away. You been to the ocean yet?"

"Yeah, there's place I like to go. It's nice. Private. I can take a walk, or swim, or just sit there."

We spoke for a while, floating in the cool water, taking sips from our beers. It was very nice, and though I tried real hard I couldn't stop myself from imagining this was a date and he was interested in me. I finally gave up and indulged myself, thinking that at least it would boost my ego a bit till I had to come back to reality. Speaking of reality, it was getting on toward six o'clock and lunch was a long time ago.

"Hey, you hungry?" I asked.

"Starving."

"You don't have to get home or anything?"

"No, the girlfriend working late tonight."

"Cool." I said, as I walked out of the pool and let myself drip dry. "How's pasta sound?"

"Sounds good." He said and kept swimming.

I threw on a towel to catch most of the water before it dripped all over the kitchen floor and threw on some pasta to cook and cut up some vegetables and garlic for an alioli. Half an hour later I was pouring the oil over the pasta, mixing it with the vegetables and pouring a good amount of grated cheese before serving it. Alex had stepped out of the pool and for a moment I saw his manhood clearly outlined in his wet and clinging boxers. I closed my eyes and prayed for strength. When I opened my eyes he had thrown a towel about his waist allowing me to breathe freely. We sat and ate, drinking beer and feeling light as the alcohol started hitting us.

"This is really good, Josh. Were you a chef in New York?"

"No, this is just good Italian living."

"You're Italian? You don't look it."

"I know. I'm Italian, Czech, Irish, German, and Sioux Indian. It's a big mess."

"Sounds it. Well, this is awesome. You should open a restaurant."

I was about to answer when Maryellen walked from the side of the house to the back patio.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"Nothing." I answered, trying hard to keep the displeasure of my friends interruption out of my voice. "What are you doing here? I thought you were picking up Mondo?"

"His flight was delayed. I'm just about to leave now but I thought I'd come and see if you wanted to go." Maryellen looked pointedly at Alex.

"Alex, this is my best friend Maryellen."

"I'm his hag." She said, and my heart dropped into my stomach. Alex didn't seem to notice, thank God and smiled and shook her hand.

"Nice to meet you." He said.

"Well, I guess you're busy so..."

"Yeah, I'm busy so..." I answered. She leered at me, said goodbye to Alex and left.

"Sorry about that." I said.

"No problem. Um... Josh?" Alex started and couldn't quite look me in the eye. "She said she was your hag." Oh fuck, I thought.

"Um... yeah."

"As in 'fag hag'?"

"Um.... yeah."

"You're gay." He said, more matter of factly, than asking a question.

"Um.... yeah." Alex nodded for a while.

"Cool."

"You don't mind?" I asked.

"Well, why didn't you tell me?"

"It's hard to tell someone that you barely know. You don't know what that person is going to be to you; a friend, a co-worker, are they going to marry your sister? You just don't know. I mean, we just met two days ago and you just gave me a ride home today. Where was I supposed to throw that in?"

"Maybe when you were talking about yourself? You could have been like, I lived in New York, trying to make a go of it down here in Florida, and by the way, I'm gay. You could have said something like that."

"I could have. But a construction job site is not exactly the place to come out to people. It's more a don't ask, don't tell place. No one cares what you do in the privacy of your own home unless they know about it. You know what I mean?"

"I guess. You still could have told me."

"Well, I know that now. And I have to say it's pretty cool that you're ok with it."

"Yeah, whatever." He said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Whatever." I said and shrugged my shoulders in a like manner. "So what does this make us friends?"

"I guess."

"Cool."

"Yeah." He said. "So that's why you can cook?"

"Fuck you, man. Not all fags can cook." I laughed and he smiled.

"At least ninety percent of them, though. Right?"

"Asshole. That's like saying all Mexican's drink too much."

"Well, that's true. Or at least ninety percent of them do." He laughed.

We spent the night laughing, drinking, and insulting each other. Around ten o'clock he stood and said that he had better get home.

"Are you sure you should? You've had a couple beers." I asked.

"I'm all right. I switched to soda a couple of hours ago. I'll be ok."

"All right, man. Well, I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Yeah, you need a ride?" He asked as he threw his jeans on over his still damp boxers.

"That'd be cool, if you can. Maryellen's got my car while her's is in the shop."

"Yeah, no problem. I'll be here around eight." Alex waved good bye, and walked out carrying his boots in his hand.

It was a nice night all things considered. I did the dishes, took a shower and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Eight thirty rolled around and I was running outside pulling my boot on and hurrying to meet Alex who had shown up five minutes ago. I jumped into his truck, threw him the slice of toast I made for him which he caught and bit into and finished my own slice.

"What happened to eight o'clock?" I asked a little anxious seeing as how we were going to be late.

"The girlfriend came home early last night and was bitching a blue streak."

"What? What for?"

"What do you think? Coming home late. I told her I was drinking with you and she didn't believe me. She thought I was out with a girl."

"Well, that sucks. Sorry about that."

"Not your fault. She's a crazy bitch. Why are you late? You should have been ready a half hour ago."

"I forgot to set the alarm before I fell asleep. I'm kind of a light weight and the beers had me light headed."

"I think you might have a condition,dude. You get light headed a lot."

I gritted my teeth at the irony of the cause asking after my sickness, and just let it go.

"We'll be on time, right?" I asked.

"A few minutes late. Maybe fifteen."

"Fifteen?" I yelled. "I can't be fifteen minutes late. They'll fire me."

"They won't fire you. I promise. I'll tell them you were bright and early waiting for me and I was late." Alex offered.

"No, you don't have to do that. I'm just a little worried."

"Dude, calm down. You're with me." He looked over and flashed me his million dollar smile. My heart skipped a beat and my lips answered with a smile of their own accord. Damn it! I can't keep hanging out with him. I'll be a fucking blithering idiot in a month. And I hate blithering.

We got to work only five minutes late, but were unlucky enough to have Pete standing on the steps to the trailer talking with Tiny. He looked over as he saw us and shook his head as we walked by. But other than that, nothing was said.

The days that followed were golden. I worked hard and at the end of the two week trial I was told that I was being kept on with a small pay increase. I was now making the money I'd need to get my own place before Aunt Dee and Uncle Gerard came back. Maryellen and my friend Mondo was having a great visit, it was good to see him again. He even started looking for a job in the area and a place for himself. Soon the old crew would be back together again. And that left Alex.

Alex and I grew closer as friends and were soon hanging out most of the time together. I even met his girlfriend when she stalked him one night and showed up while we were at a bar having a drink and shooting pool. She tried to accuse him of cheating but since the only woman in the place was old and obviously strung out on something she had to rethink her fears. Basically, I was finding my time in Florida entertaining and productive. I had myself pretty convinced that I was over my little infatuation with Alex and should start looking for a more suitable mate. Not that I wouldn't have swooned if he had crooked his little finger, but it was a beginning. I even forced myself to go out on dates. A long line of disastrous dates.

"What was wrong with the last one?" Maryellen asked as she, Mondo, Alex and I lay on the beach one Saturday watching the kids play in the surf.

"The last one? That would be Tom. Tom had an eerie connection with his mother." I answered.

"What kind of connection?" Alex asked laughing.

"She called him twice during dinner and once during dessert."

"So he's got an overprotective mother. Cut him some slack." Mondo defended.

"She was calling him back. When she called during dessert it was to tell him that he was on a date and to stop calling."

"He told you this?"

"He put her on speaker phone. I was embarrassed for him."

"What about the one before?"

"Oh that guy. He was creepy. He had a plush fetish and kept asking what suit size I wore."

"What's a plush fetish?" Asked Maryellen.

"That's where people dress up in furry animal suits and have sex."

"Oh!" Maryellen, Mondo and Alex all said at the same time.

"People do that?" Alex asked.

"Apparently it's a hot new thing. I've been dodging his calls all week."

"And the first one?"

"He was nice." I answered honestly.

"So?" Maryellen asked. "What happened?"

"Nothing. When he dropped me off he didn't even try to kiss me or come in. Not that I was disappointed. Like I said, he was nice. Not great. Just nice."

"You're such a drama queen." Maryellen said.

"What are you talking about?"

"He is." Mondo agreed.

"Come on!"

"I knew that when I met him." Alex added.

"Fuck you guys! What was I supposed to do? He was a nice guy that I hope finds someone who he clicks with. We didn't click. The other guys I hope find some very good therapists. Why does this make me a drama queen?" I argued.

"It just does. You are one. That's it." Maryellen stated and turned away as if that changed the subject.

"You're retarded." I mumbled and went to cool off in the ocean. I was out fifty feet from shore when I saw the humps and fins of dolphins swim by.

"That's cool, right?" Alex asked from right next to me.

"Yeah, I've never been this close to one." They were still a ways away but close enough to see detail as they broke the waves and took breaths. Alex took my hand.

"Come on."

"I don't know if we should get that close to them."

"We're not going to. Just come under water with me." He pulled on my hand and I followed him under water.

The salt started stinging my eyes but I held the open and looked into his eyes. Everything was green and shimmery and I realized that he was beautiful even under water. Alex held his hand up to his ear and looked expectantly at me. I listened and then heard what he was showing me. The dolphins were singing and you could hear them from where we were. I smiled and saw him answer with a wide smile of his own. The dolphins must have headed off because their singing diminished and our need for air increased forcing up to breath.

"That was amazing!" I said.

"Yeah. I love doing that. When they get close they can get really loud. There's a place by where I used to live that they would come right up to you and play."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. It was great." We stared over the water and I realized that we were still holding hands. He must have realized it too cause he dropped my hand and started to head back to shore. "I'll race you."

He won of course but just being with him was enough for me. I was really getting too sappy. If I wasn't careful I'd fall in love with this hot straight boy. I'd been there once and I didn't want to go back again. I'd have to do something about this.

The door bell rang around two thirty that night, pulling me out of a deep sleep. I got up and headed to shoot whoever was waking me up so late. I threw open the door and saw Alex standing there looking distraught and a bit drunk.

"Alex? What the hell, man. It's two thirty!"

"I know, but I had to see you."

"I'll give you a picture, you can look at it whenever you want. Now go home."

"No, I need to talk to you." He said and brushed passed me.

"All right. What's going on?"

"It's Jen." Jen was "the girlfriend".

"Oh shit." I said. This wasn't going to be good.

"She broke up with me." He said, slurring his words.

"Why?" I asked.

"She didn't say. She got home and said she was moving. She packed up her shit right in front of me. I kept trying to talk to her but she wouldn't say anything. Finally I just stopped trying and let her go."

"Oh dude. I'm sorry. Are you ok?"

"I think so. I've been pretty sure it was going to happen for a while now. She just finally left. It's almost a relief. I don't have to fight with her anymore and don't have to put up with her shit."

"I know you were expecting it but still it hurts when it finally happens." I put an arm on his shoulder.

"I'm better off." He said with conviction.

"Yes, you are. She seemed a bit crazy."

"She was!" He said. "Fucking nuts."

"Well then it's a good thing she's gone."

"Yeah. I'm glad."

"Well, you're drunk. I'm not sure that's the same thing."

"Sometimes it is."

"I guess."

We talked for a while longer and about a lot of things until I finally realized that he had passed out while I was talking. I lifted his feet till he was laying down on the couch he had passed out on and covered him with a blanket and went to sleep myself. I had fallen asleep when I was woken up with someone standing over me.

"Jesus!!!"