All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Special thanks to my editor and best friend, "the ever beautiful Lizzy," who came up with the title when my brain was already fried. Luvyuxoxo
ooOoo
"Tell me a secret Adrian. Something no one else knows. Something you've kept only to yourself all this time."
To say that I was shocked by the question was an understatement, the drunken stupor completely gone even after all the beer bottles we'd been nursing earlier. It was a hot night near the end of summer, and we hauled comforters to the lawn outside his house to enjoy the remaining days before we go our separate ways and start college. I looked at him, moonlight clearly illuminating his face, the blond highlights on his black hair shining like gold in the middle of a sea of obsidian. My heart beats fast, my mind in overdrive,
Do I tell him?
The full moon shines brightly in the cloudless sky, the crickets chirp to the summer breeze. Everything seemed so peaceful and surreal and somehow I felt no inhibitions in me. Maybe I was still drunk after all. Telling him something that I meant to say to him yet never had had the courage to, somehow makes perfect sense right this very moment. Throwing caution to the wind, I took a deep breath and sat up.
"I love you Harry. I have loved you all this time."
I never noticed that the crickets have stopped chirping, the summer night is now completely silent, except that I can hear my heart thump very loudly, as if trying to pound its way out of my chest. How would he react on what I just said? If he thought of punching me and shouting that I have betrayed his trust, he was not making any move to do so. I look at the moon as I wait for his response, my ears straining for any sound that may come out of his lips.
I hear his breath, now shallow and relaxed, when all of a sudden he sits up too, his face so awfully close to mine.
"Ian...."
I look at him, his gray eyes the last thing I see when all of a sudden he pulls me to him, bringing our lips together, his warm lips soft yet wanting at the same time. Right that moment it felt that time stood still, his lips tasted sweet with a trace of alcohol still lingering in them. His hands were behind my head, gently guiding me. It was intoxicating. Then I felt his tongue press against my lips, without thinking I opened my mouth to let him in. This felt so great, so good, so...
"Wrong," I said as I pushed him away from me, "this is wrong."
I stood up and walked away, leaving him confused as he stayed sitting in the grass. Somehow I felt that I was leaving my heart also.
ooOoo
Harry and I have known each other for as long as we could remember, our mothers also best friends since their college days when they both found out that they loved the same band and were hanging by a thread on their majors. We were the same age, something our parents did not plan together but nevertheless they were very happy to find out. They were thrilled that their little boys are going to be growing up side by side, which they made sure we did. We lived in the same subdivision, played in the same sandboxes, and attended the same school. Some people mistook us for fraternal twins since we were always together, yet they could clearly see the difference in our looks. Harry was taller and had lighter skin and gray eyes owing from his European heritage, while I was the tan skinned boy with the dark brown eyes which I got from my father's Filipino blood.
Growing up together, Harry and I sort of developed this connection that made us know what the other was feeling even though he didn't show it. Harry was a very open type of person, so I don't really have a hard time knowing his moods and what he's feeling at a given moment. In my case however, I was more of an introvert and kept things to myself, but Harry had no problem with that.
"It's your body language. I've basically seen everything and what each of them means. Now from the way you're biting your lower lip I know that you're very nervous right now," he said one day while he was teaching me how to drive a car (his parents being a little less strict and already taught him when we were still 14, now he thinks he's such a pro and drives dangerously sometimes).
As with others who grew up side by side, we naturally did everything together: learning how to ride bicycles, swimming, camping, getting lost in the middle of the grocery store, everything. In school we were inseparable: sharing our lunch, playing with other kids during break, walking home together. My parents were already fixed on having one child, seeing the strains in child-rearing and so that they can have time for their kid even if they both have busy jobs. Harry's parents were okay with another child, but after several attempts and a visit to their gynecologist they found out that Harry's mom had a hormonal imbalance that caused her to have unhealthy egg cells. She could get pregnant, but it's going to be risky. That was when we knew that Harry was the only brother I could ever have, and I was his.
Harry was very thoughtful and caring, sometimes even motherly. I can't forget that time when I was coming down with colds and my parents weren't home because of a convention they had to attend. Harry came that day to our house to supposedly invite me to theirs, when he found me in bed burning with fever. He immediately went to our medicine cabinet and gave me ibuprofen, then proceeded to strip me of my clothes to change in more comfortable ones. He cooked a light soup and although I didn't have much of an appetite he wouldn't take no for an answer and spoon-fed me (it was delicious, his mother taught him how to cook already and he was amazing). When I was already comfortable in the bed he called my mom and told her not to worry and catch the latest flight back home. I was already in good hands.
We grew up and entered high school, and there we started to branch out and did things separately, although we were as close as ever. We were both into sports, but he was the center in the basketball team while I was a forward in the soccer team. Due to our ancestry and active lifestyle, I can say that Harry and I look good physically, and this is the reason why we have no problem dating with girls. However,our relationships usually end with the girl breaking up with us because Harry and I spend more time with each other than with them. They didn't think that we were gay or anything, since almost everyone knows that we're basically brothers, but they were jealous just the same. During those times I get confused why they would get jealous of my relationship with Harry, since we only treat each other as brothers, although deep inside I knew that my friendship with Harry is more important than any other relationship I ever had. Little did I know that the seed of attraction has already been planted somewhere inside me.
ooOoo
We both loved the outdoors, and every summer we try our best to get our fill of the sun as much as possible. One summer before our final year in high school we decided to go mountain climbing and camping. We were both seventeen at that time and our parents trusted us to be with ourselves. The trek was very exciting, and being out of the busy and hectic grasps of civilization gave such a relaxing feeling inside me. We decided to go the farthest we could along the hiking trail until the sun sets, then set up camp for the night.
After pitching our tents, we started the campfire and took out marshmallows to eat s'mores in front of the fire. Later I took out the cans of beer we brought along and drank while talked of school, our games and anything that came to our minds.
"Ian," Harry said while staring at the burning marshmallow in front of him, "how do you see yourself, say, 10 years from now?"
"10 years? Well surely by that time I'm already a highly-respected civil architect with a very huge pay and a work schedule I made for myself," I replied, my career choice already made up by that time.
"What I meant was do you see yourself being married to someone, having kids?"
