A story about a very dominant man, a very timid twink and his equally passive mother.
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"We have a new neighbor, I see," Mom said one night at dinner about a year ago.
I didn't know that, but of course my Mom was kind of nosy so it wasn't like I needed to play detective around the neighborhood to find anything out. If something happened Mom knew, and even though she hadn't spoken to the new neighbor who had moved into the modest little home next door, sure enough she knew all about him.
"It's just one person, a man about 40 or so," Mom explained. "Sorry Dylan, no daughters - in fact no children at all."
Mom was not aware that while I would have welcomed another kid on the block, it wasn't girls I was interested in. Considering how good she was at minding other people's business it was a miracle she hadn't discovered my little secret.
"A single guy?" I said after thinking about it. "Hey, maybe you and him could - you know. Hubba-hubba."
"Oh Dylan!" Mom blushed. "He's a little young for me, but I got a glimpse at him and oh boy!"
"Good looking?"
"Sort of," Mom said. "But he's very big. Gladys said he was a football player or something. Muscles on muscles, but I don't think he would be interested in a skinny old bag who's about 10 years older than him."
"Hey, you never know," I offered, thinking that maybe if Mom put a little effort into it, like make-up and a push-up bra, she might be able to lure him into her clutches.
God knows she deserved it after the old man bailed out on her a few years back, leaving her stuck me me. Despite her being a pain in the butt, I loved her and wanted her to be happy.
"Well, we'll see," Mom replied.
*****
"He played 4 years with the Jets," my friend Jesse told me as we looked out at our neighbor who was working around this little addition he had built onto the rear of his house. "Not a starter but he did play some."
"What's he doing living around here then?" I asked, because while this wasn't a ghetto by any means, I figured he could afford more than the middle class neighborhood we were in.
"I dunno," Jesse said. "Did you see that scar on his knee?"
I had. I had memorized every pore I could see on his body in the short time he had been here. Easily 6'4" and probably around 240 pounds, he was indeed, as Mom had said, muscles on muscles. Not handsome in a pretty boy sense, but more like a Chuck Norris type. That was Mom's opinion, and she was very smitten with him.
For my part in the conversations I had with Blair Farmer, I had made some effort to mention Mom quite often, concentrating on pushing her being alone, available and attractive. He was polite and amused at my sales pitch.
"Are you shopping for a Dad?" he had asked with a laugh, indicating that I was probably pushing a bit hard and way too obviously.
Blair Farmer as a Dad? That wouldn't be a good thing because it was tough enough seeing him as little as I did. Being around him all day? That would be tough.
You see, Mom wasn't the only one smitten with Mr. Farmer. I was fond of him as well, and fond in the case means I was in love. It seems I spent an inordinate amount of time looking out my window in hopes of seeing him, and he did spend a lot of time out in his yard.
Compounding that was the fact that he liked to wear tank tops and shorts, and looking over and seeing this man with the wide shoulders, broad chest and thick neck led to me doing a lot of what I did best.
"Come on Blair," I would encourage from by position behind the blinds while I jerked off like a deranged chimp. "Lift that 2 by 4 - that's it, way up over your head."
He would destroy Mom, I had concluded after imaging my scrawny Mom having sex with this behemoth. He would destroy me too I knew that as well, but I would have been willing to risk it for the chance of being with him one time.
Of course, if I even suggested to him that I was interested in him that way, he would have treated me like he had the guys he bowled over on kickoffs when he played on the special teams back in his heyday.
*****
"Why? You think that your hero next door wants you?" Jesse had asked that day as I broke up with him. "You're a kid. What would he want with you?"
"He wouldn't," I said. "He's got nothing to do with this. It's just time to move on. Time for both of us."
"Fine!" Jesse snapped. "Spend your time in your room jerking off to him."
In the months Jesse and I had been together he got to know me well. He was mad and jealous, and he had a right to be but the fact was he had a crush on Mr. Farmer too. Furthermore, we had both jerked off while looking at him, and I had even sucked Jesse's dick while he peeked through the blinds and detailed what my neighbor was doing.
It wasn't exactly right that Mr. Farmer had nothing to do with our breaking up either, because it was a comment of his that spurred me to decide to break it off with my lover.
"Your friend - he seems a little light in the shoes," Blair had said one day.
"Jesse? Uh - he's okay," I replied.
"You can do better," he said before going back to one of his various projects. "If that's what it is."
"Uh..." was all I could say, because while I was about to tell Mr. Farmer that it wasn't like that at all, what was the point? If it was that obvious to him and everybody in the world except for my mother, why deny it?
*****
"Dylan honey," Mom chirped before heading for the beauty parlor. "There's a plate of cookies on the table from the batch I made last night. Be a dear and bring them over to Mr. Farmer."
"Why don't you do it after you get back from the beauty parlor?" I suggested. "Get him all hot and bothered."
"Don't be silly," Mom tittered. "I'm just trying to be neighborly. Maybe I will stop over there later to ask him if he liked the cookies though, if that will make you happy. Can't accuse me of not trying to find you a Dad."
"I have a Dad," I reminded Mom. "Not much of one but technically he is."
"I know it would mean a lot to you to have a man like Mr. Farmer around, what with you missing the male influence boys need," Mom lamented. "I'm afraid I just don't have what it takes to interest men any more."
"You're great Mom," I assured her, and I felt bad that she felt like she did about herself, but then again I had self-esteem problems of my own.
Of course I was more than happy to deliver the cookies, and Mr. Farmer was in the little rear addition when I knocked.
"Come on in Dylan," Mr. Farmer said,
"My Mom baked these," I explained in handing him the toll house cookies.
"Oh, you Mom is a heck of a baker, isn't she?" Blair said. "She brought over a piece of cake last week that was amazing."
"She did?" I said, feeling bad that Mom was actually trying to win the heart of this guy instead of kidding around about it.
"Yes, she's a nice woman. You're lucky to have her."
"I know. She's trying real hard."
"I know," Blair said, and as he said that I realized what he meant by that, at least in part.