The ride home on the L train was the start of a difficult weekend. I felt uneasy about the aftermath of the work party. I switched between replaying the moment in my mind and telling myself I was throwing away a job and a life in New York City. The intern coordinator and my boss were both giving signs that they wanted to offer me a job and the summer has only made me more enchanted with the thought of living in the city. I couldn't throw that away.
That's not to say I regretted it. If anything, it made me desperate for more. I have never been so drawn to another person. I longed to spend time with him in galleries, learning from his experience in both classical and modern art; in restaurants, experiencing the best food the world has to offer; in his home, admiring his own collections; and in his bed. He was the most affable, humble, kind and attractive man I'd ever met.
When Monday came around, I started to feel sick as I anticipated Robert sitting in his usual seat when the train car pulled up. I was relieved, at first, when the doors opened and Robert wasn't there. But then, as I took my own seat, I was burdened with guilt that maybe he couldn't face me. Again, my thoughts were dominated with how I had blown my internship and potentially lost a really good job. Even if they did still offer me a full-time position, I would feel too guilty accepting it if I would only cause problems for him by being there.
I couldn't deny it was nice to be able to avoid him because I didn't think I could face him. I was, however, unable to avoid Becca who was at my desk the second she got in and refused to leave me alone until I described the party in perfect detail. I tried to describe how good the food was and the games and booths and prizes and everything but I was careful not to exaggerate at all because I knew the party already had this legendary status within the office.
Work carried on and, whether he was avoiding me or travelling or whatever other possible reason, Robert was nowhere to be seen during my morning commutes. I was getting into a groove with my team and enjoying my work as much as ever. My boss, Ms. Fisher, was so easy to work for and Becca and the team were so creative and smart. They were involving me more and more and I felt like I was learning so much more than I ever was in school. With each passing day, I was more eager to stay permanently with the company. Even out with friends or over the weekend, it seemed all I could think about was how much I wanted this job and how much I wanted Rob Barton. I was beginning to resolve that I needed to give up my lust in favor of the job as I reminded myself Robert was straight and probably avoiding me. I knew I wouldn't be able to just stop thinking about him, but I could certainly not indulge my thoughts as I had been.
It would be pretty simple, actually, to make changes to think about him less. There was no reason I needed to continue coming into the office so early and then I wouldn't see him every morning on the commute to work. I was the only intern seeing him every day, so if I came in a little later each day, I would only see him occasionally and in a group setting. Just like everyone else.
However, in the back of my mind, I knew it wasn't that simple really. For one, I would still think about him, especially having opened Pandora's box and sucking his perfect cock. I would still dream about him. I would always remember watching his cock harden and bulge in his pants twice in my presence and debate within myself whether it was because of me. Was he turned on as I massaged his feet or was it something else? Besides, I may have gone too far to ever come back. There was a real chance that I would never get an offer because Robert wouldn't want me to stay after the summer.
Thursday morning, I headed to the station thirty minutes later than usual. It was still early enough that I would be the first into the office on my team, but I lost the most productive hour of my day and the train each morning was much more crowded again. I wished I could take the early train and have my own space and have my friendly interactions with Robert again.
I got to my desk and started working immediately trying to be as productive as possible before everyone showed up. It was probably only fifteen minutes before Mrs. Fisher arrived and greeted me. She asked me if I had a second and to follow her into her office.
"Chris, we sure enjoy having you on our team," she said with a smile.
"I appreciate that. I have had the best experience so far." I smiled back, but I was nervous. Her demeanor and compliment should have set my heart at ease, but I had a sinking feeling Robert had told her to let me go and this was it. I knew it was unlikely.
"Lisa and I had a talk earlier this week and she told me you indicated an interest in returning and we both talked about your exemplary work both with my team and your project for Play Doh that she is supervising. We have kind of started discussing first steps and before we go too far, I wanted to have a conversation with you directly."
The pit in my stomach dissolved and my smile must have indicated my growing excitement.
"We don't have an open position on my team at the moment, but I want to try and find one. That would require me to try and pull some teeth with HR and my director to create an extra position, but it is something I want to explore. If that doesn't work, I can also recommend you for other positions here on teams that are looking to fill an existing position. Either way, you would have to go through the normal interview process like every other candidate. But of course, you would have stellar recommendations from myself and Lisa that would put you in good standing. I just want to be clear that we can't promise anything and I also wanted to make sure that you are interested before I start fighting to create a spot on our team. Is that a job you would be anxious to accept were I able to get it approved?"
"Absolutely and thank you so much for even being willing to try! I am so lucky to be on this team and you have all kept me involved and welcomed me and I know from talking with other interns that not everyone got that opportunity. I want to come back to New York after graduation if possible and a job on your team would be the best position I could imagine. If you're not able to create a position, I would be excited to interview for other positions as well but definitely, if possible, I would love to return to your team."
She beamed and nodded. "Then I'll get started pulling teeth. I'll see what I can do and you keep up the good work!"
I must have thanked her five times before I returned to my desk. As I returned to my work, I wrote myself a little note to find Lisa and thank her as well.
It was exactly a week since the party at his house before I saw Robert again. As I walked past a conference room, I saw him through the window in a small meeting of what looked like big sharks. He was sitting comfortably, leaned back and smiling at the woman to his left. His suit was sharp and his light blue shirt underneath hugged his belly. He looked incredible. He shifted positions and I snapped back to reality and, terrified he may have seen me, hurried away from the window. My resolve was weakening as I thought of him in my mind. I could clearly remember my view, knelt beneath him, teasing his cock and struggling to take him in all the way. In an instant, the resolve I had been building for days to push him out of my thoughts was undone by a fleeting glance through a window.
I hurried back to my desk to focus on work and busy my mind and begin to build back that resolve. "I want a job here. I want a job here." I repeated to myself as I fought to get him out of my mind. "Don't be a fool." As strong as my desire was for both the job and any kind of relationship with Robert, I knew that one was a realistic possibility. If I could just manage to get over Robert, I could really land a spot on Mrs. Fisher's team. I knew it would be difficult but I was determined and I focused on my work. The rest of the day, I don't think I got up once. I focused on peering over data sheets that our research team had sent us to come up with a strong strategy for a client presentation. We were pitching a new client next week and getting lost in that campaign kept my mind from wandering... until a new email came in.
I saw "Robert Barton" flash in the notification in the corner of my screen and froze. My mind went crazy with possibilities, good and bad, and I decided just to open it rather than go crazy thinking what it could be. I checked my shoulder before opening it. The message was brief and didn't address what had happened at all.
"Hey Chris,
Given the interest you showed in the art in my home, I just wanted to invite you to my friend's gallery this evening. Sorry about the short notice. I know it's a Friday night and you may have plans already, but if you're interested I can add you to the list."
I wanted to go more than anything. But, was it a good idea? We still had never addressed what happened, or even talked about anything since then and I didn't know how to respond to the email, let alone spend the evening with him. I knew it might not be the best idea, but I couldn't decline the invite. I texted my roommate and told him something came up at work and I wouldn't be able to make our plans. I felt bad, but I knew he'd understand.
I nervously typed a response to Robert and accepted the invite. He sent me more details and suddenly I questioned everything I had resolved to do that week. I was supposed to be avoiding him, not spending my Friday evenings with him. But my mind entertained that maybe something was there. I couldn't help it. I did present the blowjob as a plutonic favor and maybe he was willing to just move on as we were before that moment. I started to get a headache after spending the whole rest of the day contemplating all the possibilities of what was going on in his mind.
