I was startled by the soft knock at my partially opened office door. I never expected anyone this time of day. I was even more surprised when I looked up to see Alexander standing in the doorway.
Over the past month, our routine together had been stable and comfortable. We always took meals together and were still going strong enjoying a minimum of four lengthy playdates a week. The more play time we spent together, the more we realized that our various interests overlapped. As we worked toward our second exhibition, we'd found that the combination of a lengthy period of emotional submission without touch combined with a few moments of quick and hard physical interaction like fast, aggressive fucking or several strokes of a whip could heighten the sensations offered by each method and we were loving the exploration of both.
For the past week however, he'd seemed more worn out than normal. He'd been unusually quiet during meals, often seeming distracted. He'd also asked to join me in my bed and fallen asleep quickly after each of our last five encounters. While this was one of his normal forms of after care, he typically mixed things up a bit with items like a long shower or leisurely desert together as well.
"This is a nice surprise. What can I do for you Alex?"
He looked drained and stressed; nearly ill. "White."
I frowned and gestured to the chair across the desk. "Are you ok?"
He cringed as he spoke. "I need to take a week or so away for work."
He ran his hand through his hair, clearly flustered. "I mean not away away, I just need to focus on work. This huge project is wrapping up. My deadline was supposed to be nearly a month out and they've moved it and now I have eight days and..."
I cut him off. "Completely understandable. This is your career and livelihood. That responsibility comes first."
He looked unhappy but relieved. "Thank you Sir."
I laughed softly. "No need for that during white Beautiful."
"Habit, I suppose." He grinned tiredly. "Plus, I like it."
A shiver I hoped he hadn't noticed ran through me.
I felt my brow furrow as I looked him over thoroughly. "You sort of look like shit."
He laughed wearily. "I know."
"Well. I would love it if you could join me for meals occasionally. If not, I would like to see you once a day, if possible, simply to check on your well-being."
He nodded and looked as though he were nearly ready to cry.
"I'll let Jacob know what is going on and either of us will be more than happy to offer any support we can. If you need us to bring food to your rooms, or yell at your boss, you just let us know."
His exhausted grin was brief but seemed genuine.
"We'll pick other things back up when it works for you."
He sighed deeply in relief "Thank you so much. I really appreciate all that you do for me, and I really am sorry about this."
I shook my head kindly. "No need to apologize for something that is out of your control Alex."
He groaned as he stood. "Guess I have no excuse not to get back to it then. I'll try to eat with you when I can."
"I'd like that."
I watched his shoulders slump tiredly as he walked back through the door. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and hold him until his stress melted away.
He did join me for at least one meal a day for the next three days, but I didn't see him on day four until he sought me out as I was leaving for the club just to check in.
Over the course of those first few days, I found myself frequently wandering around the house lost in thought or staring at the papers on my desk while getting very little work completed. I was astounded by the level of loss I felt without his near constant presence. While I knew I'd developed romantic feelings for him during his time with me, I had either been unaware, or unable to accept, just how deeply ingrained in my life he'd become.
While I missed our play time of course, it was his strong, quiet presence that I felt somehow incomplete without. I discovered that I missed the way it felt to wake up and see him curled on the other side of the bed. During our nights together he always ended up sleeping in the same position. I'd wake to find him facing away from me on his belly. His nearest leg outstretched while the other bent up toward his hips, a pillow between his bent elbow and the side of his head, and the sheets somehow always tangled low around his waist. On such mornings, I'd taken to simply lying there after I woke, watching as his body moved with his breath and the way the color of his skin seemed to pale slightly as the light streaming in over the top of the closed drapes brightened with the rising sun.
I missed his smile across the table during meals and I found myself largely disinterested in eating without him there. He was always less formal with me while we ate and would often ramble endlessly about any number of topics. When he talked about work it was typically with equal parts irritation and enjoyment. While he'd been frustrated with his current contract for a long time, he clearly loved what he did. While I still didn't know much about his friends or family, when he'd tell stories about his life before me, his college years, and on rare occasions even his childhood, his eyes lit up and we'd find ourselves laughing easily together.
It was difficult to face Sunday alone. While I always went to the club on Sunday nights, it wasn't until late in the evening, and by early afternoon I found myself sitting on the couch wondering if he'd be upset if I joined him in his office simply to be around him. Throughout our months together, we'd discovered that we were both worn out by the time we got home on Saturday nights, and we'd taken to pushing Sunday breakfast back until it could almost be considered brunch. Most of the time we'd eat at home, but there had been a few Sundays where we'd headed out to enjoy the quiet, lazy, Sunday vibe in the city. We find some small bakery or café and take our time enjoying coffee and breakfast. Afterward we'd wander the nearby nature trails or find a bench to sit on in a park.
Whether we went out, or ate at home, we'd always end up back on the couch in the living room. Afternoon sunlight would stream in through the large picture windows with the tall trees out back casting dappled shadows across the dark hardwood floor. We'd put on a movie and curl up together, sometimes half napping, sometimes idly talking about nothing in particular.
When he chose the movies, they were usually science fiction, which had never been my genre of choice. He'd turned out to be quite the nerd, and the shocked look on his face whenever I'd tell him I'd not seen yet another of his favorites never got old. When we watched those, he was never silent; always lending extra information that had been left out of books if the movie was an adaptation or offering random facts about things that occurred during filming or character backstories.
I don't think he realized that I'd noticed, but he'd regularly watch me from the corner of his eye when his favorite parts were coming up just to see if I liked them as well. More often than not, I found it hard to pry myself away from him to head to the club when evening arrived.
I struggled as I sat alone in the bright Sunday sunlight, trying my best to remind myself that my time with him would end in a couple of months anyway, and that I needed to remember he wasn't really mine. It was simply the convenience of living with me during our contract that led him to spend his free time with me.
