Peter telephones Robert for anal sex to finish what he started on the train.
"Hello?"
"Hi Robert. This is Peter. I, um, met you on the—"
"I know who you are Peter," said Robert. "It's not every day that a stranger pulls up my dress, pulls down my panties, and fucks me up the ass on a crowded train," he said with a laugh. "Please call me Roberta."
"I was just wondering Roberta, if I, um, if we could—"
"If you could fuck me up the ass again?" Roberta laughed while Peter remained silent on the other end of the line.
Making him feel uncomfortable, Peter nearly hung up the phone when he said, "If you could fuck me up the ass again."
In the way he said fucking him up the ass, still a bit reluctant over having gay sex, it sounded so gay, too gay to make him want to even continue the conversation never mind the gay act of having anal sex with a man. How dare he say that? He wasn't gay, not at all, just curious. Yeah, if he was anything at all, he was bisexually curious.
As if he slapped him across the face or had a bucket of cold water dumped on his head, confronting the reality of what he did with him on a crowded train, the words startled him as well as upset him. He never thought of himself as a gay man but now confronted by it and putting a name to it, maybe he was. Thinking that he was drawn to a tall, blonde, beautiful, busty woman on the train, now he wondered if perhaps sub-consciously, he knew that Roberta wasn't a woman but a man. Recalling how she looked standing there wearing a dress, high heels, and with her long, blonde hair cascading down her back, definitely, from behind she looked like a woman, especially when the lights on the train were dim when not out entirely. Even from the side, especially with her big tits, he'd never think she was a man.
"Being that I'm a man, a heterosexual, married man with children, and with you being a man too, I'm uncomfortable having sex with a man but—"
"But what Honey? You're not really gay? Is that it Peter? You expect me to believe you didn't know that I was a man? I look good dressed as a woman Sugar, but even I know that I don't look that good to fool a man who's not gay to fuck me up my ass."
Obviously, with Peter having fooled himself long enough and with Robert or Roberta, whatever his or her name was, able to see right through him, there was no fooling him or her.
"No, I mean, yeah but—"
"But what? You really weren't comfortable having anal sex with a stranger on a crowded train, especially after discovering that you fucked a man up the ass instead of a woman," said Roberta with another laugh, this time a little louder.
"Yeah, something like that," said Peter regretting he had called him and wishing he'd stop saying that he fucked him up the ass.
Now all that he could think of is that he was a gay man. All that he could think of is what two gay men do when having gay, anal sex. All he could think of was being raped by another man in prison. All he could think of was nasty, homosexual thoughts, instead of sexually exciting heterosexual ones. Yet, surprising even himself, the nasty homosexual thoughts sexually excited him in a way that he's never been as sexually excited before. What the Hell was that about? Maybe he really was gay.
"Oh, please, I wish I had a dollar every time a man told me that he wasn't gay while he sucked my cock, while I sucked his cock, while he fucked me up the ass, or when I fucked him up the ass," said Roberta. "Gay, gay, gay, forget about this bi-sexual shit, I subscribe to the Jerry Springer definition of gay. If you suck a cock, you're gay. If you allow a man to suck your cock, you're gay. If you fuck a man up his ass, you're gay and if you allow another man to fuck you up your ass, you're gay. Gay, gay, gay, being gay is as clearly defined in definition as being heterosexual. Trust me Peter, being a gay man myself and having been around gay men all of my life, I know you're gay."
"Yeah, well, with apologies to Jerry Springer and apart from your description of what's gay and what's not, I'm not gay. I'm really not. I really did think you were a woman," said Peter while wondering if he was being honest with himself. "Having anal sex with you was my first gay experience but—"
"But what? That didn't count because you thought I was a woman, a beautiful, blonde with big tits, is that it?"
Plausible enough to unlock and open his closed closet door before slamming it shut, his way back in the closet, it sounded good to him, thought Peter.
"Yeah," said Peter.
Roberta laughed a loud laugh, almost a cackle that made him want to choke him for pulling him out of the security of his closet or hit him for holding up a gay mirror to his face. Not expecting to have such a revealingly disturbing conversation, he just wanted to have anal sex with the man he thought was a woman, go home, and never call him again. The excuse so he told himself and truly believed, apparently now whether man or woman, he just needed to know what it felt like to cum in someone's ass, return to his wife and life as a heterosexual man, and put all of this behind him. Yet, with Peter now knowing that Roberta was a man and not a woman and with him still telephone him for a date, moreover, with Robert stating that Peter was gay, he wondered if, indeed, he was gay.
"So, you expect me to believe that it was all just mistaken identity and that my ass could have been anyone's ass, specifically a woman's ass. So long as I stood there and didn't turn around as I did on the train when you pulled up my dress and pulled down my panties, we're all good. Is that right? Typical," said Roberta. "You're so typical of all the men that I meet still hiding in the closet Peter."
"Yes," said Peter again keeping his responses to one word and one syllable before apologizing. "I'm sorry."
Still wanting to hang up and not knowing why he didn't, Peter was uncomfortable with the conversation.
"Sorry? What are you sorry about?"
Unable to admit even to himself, especially to himself, Peter was sorry that he discovered that he was evidentially and so obviously gay. Gay, gay, gay, he was gay. No doubt about it, but angry that he was, Peter was gay. He was as dizzy as he was confused by the revelation that he may be gay. He never realized and always swept his gayness beneath the rug whenever he had gay thoughts that weren't appropriate for a heterosexual man to have. He didn't understand how he could live his life as a heterosexual man without knowing and/or even suspecting that he was gay, that is, until now.
"I'm sorry for having anal sex with you," said Peter.
He wished that Robert would be insulted enough to hang up on him and end his folly into gay sex prematurely, when he was unable to stop this from happening himself. Actually, he wasn't sorry for having anal sex with Robert, the best sex he's had in a long time, he only wished he had the time enough to ejaculate before the lights came on and the doors opened on the commuter train. Had he ejaculated in his ass on the train, he wouldn't be in this sticky situation now in confronting his true sexual orientation.
"Don't be sorry. I had a good time," he said with a laugh.
Peter remained quiet for a long minute while wrapping his head around the disturbing reality that he showed another man an anal good time by having anal sex with him.
"It's just all so confusing to me," said Peter.
Always having negative connotations about gay men and now totally changing his perspective about his sexual orientation, he couldn't believe that he was a gay man too.
"Would you like to come over," he said pausing to let out a dramatic sigh, "to talk?"
Peter read between the lines. In the way that Roberta sighed was as if he had done this a hundred times before, invited strange men to his apartment for sex, and was bored with it. With Roberta's sigh giving Peter a bit of insight into the life of a gay man, he wondered if their lives were too much about sex. Yet, as a heterosexual man, his life was all about sex, repressed sex, frustrated sexual thoughts, and always wanting to have sex but seldom having sex. If judging a gay man by how he felt, definitely gay men had more sex than he did.
What he wanted to do from the start, now Peter wasn't sure if it was a good idea for him to go to another man's apartment, a gay man's apartment, with the expressed intention to have anal sex with him. Too revealingly real, what if, when he got there, he wanted to do more and did more than just having anal sex with Robert? What if he suddenly had the urge to kiss Robert? What if he suddenly had the urge to suck Robert's cock or agreed to have him suck his cock. After already having anal sex with Robert, what if he agreed to allow Robert to fuck him up his ass?
"Yes," said Peter unable to decline the invitation. "I'd like to come over," he said with a pause in the way that Robert paused but without the dramatic sigh, "to talk."
